Page 24 of Stoney Gazes for Helpful Gorgons

"So I could be doing terribly, got it," I half-joke. "Though if I'm where you are in six months, I think I'll be okay."

"You'll be okay even if you're not on the same path as me," he points out. "That's how this works. We're sad, and then we're okay. There are even moments of okay within the sad."

"I think that's the part that's confusing me the most," I admit. "Like in the club, I had a good time dancing with you."

"Same."

"Should I feel guilty about that? Having a good time, I mean?"

"No."

I finish my chips and throw away my rubbish as we wait for the lights to change so we can cross the street. There aren't any other cars around at this time, so we could just cross, but I'm also not in a hurry for the walk or the conversation to end. Being around Jack is easy, especially at the moment when most of my friends don't really know how to act around me.

"Obviously, I never got to meet your granny," he says. "But I knew my mum, and she'd never have wanted me to be unhappy, even if she died. In fact, I think she'd be mad at me if she thought I was wallowing and letting my grief control me. Sometimes, when I'm having a hard day, I can hear her voice in my head telling me as much."

I let out a small laugh. "I know what you mean. But then I feel extra sad because I realise I won't hear her voice for real."

He nods. "But nothing is going to change that," he reminds me.

The crossing starts beeping and the two of us head to the other side of the road.

"And she's not gone, even if she's dead," he continues. "You know what she'd say in a certain situation, or what she'd do. You get to hold onto that, even if no one else knows it."

"Mmm. True. What would your mum do if she found out about your dad dating?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Maybe she'd just roll her eyes and say something about knowing what he's like, or maybe she'd just let it go. I think she'd be more mad about the fact Eddy isn't getting the support he needs for school. He had to decide on his GCSEs and Dad just wasn't interested, he kept saying he had other things to worry about."

I grimace. "That's hard. It's not an easy choice to make in the first place."

"No. I did the best I could, but what do I know? It's not even a year since I finished school myself, how do I know if they were the right choices?"

"You're studying law like you want to," I point out. "So you probably made good ones."

"Maybe," he responds. "But I worry I've given Eddy the wrong advice."

"Has he tried talking to your dad about it?"

"A couple of times, but he doesn't seem to want to hear any of it. He just says things like don't you want me to be happy."

"Ouch." My heart hurts for Jack and his brother, that can't be a good thing to hear from a parent, particularly when they're probably both grieving hard.

"Yeah, he said that to me too when he told me about his girlfriend..."

"Wait, not just dating, a girlfriend too?" My heart aches for Jack and his brother. I can't believe he's having to deal with the loss of his mum and his dad acting out like this at the same time.

"Oh yeah. They've been dating since a month after Mum died. He says things like your mum sent me her, she's perfect."

I wrinkle my nose. "Who would want to date a recent widower? No offence to your dad."

"Oh, definitely offence and definitely warranted. I've asked myself that a few times. It doesn't make any sense. I've managed to avoid meeting her so far, but I know I'm going to have to as soon as I go back for the summer. It's not making me look forward to going home."

"Maybe you just need summer plans. My family has a villa in Greece, maybe you could come hang out for a week."

He raises an eyebrow. "And how are you going to explain that one?"

"I figured I'd stay simple and just tell them that my friend's coming to hang out."

"Won't they be weird that I'm a guy?"