Page 50 of It Destroys Me
“I trust my guys as much as I can, but I’ll never trust them the way I trust you. There’s no real way to know if Bolton has gotten to some of them. Bribed them or inspired them to stage a coup so someone else can take my place. I don’t just pay my guys well, I give them a cut of the pie. That might encourage loyalty?—”
“Or greed.”
“Exactly.”
“Still not sure what that has to do with me.”
“I’ve given my men no warning this is happening. Was going to spring it on them tomorrow, so there’s less chance that Bolton will know about it. Astrid is safe in my villa, but she’s not invulnerable. Bolton has gotten in there before. No reason he can’t do it again.”
Axel gave another nod once he understood the request. “I understand now.”
“I would transfer her in secret. Wouldn’t even tell my butler she’s not at home. Anyone who wants her will assume that’s where she is. Since you’re retired and we rarely meet in public, this is the last place Bolton would look for her.”
He continued to stare at me, the cigar burning between his fingertips.
“You’re the only person I can trust not to double-cross me.” He wouldn’t blink over money. He wouldn’t want Astrid for himself. “And if something happens to me…I know you’ll be there.”
He stared at me so hard he didn’t even blink.
“You can say no, Axel. I would completely understand?—”
“Why didn’t you say it back?”
I stilled at the question, having no idea what he meant.
“She said she loved you, and you didn’t say it back. Why?”
“If you don’t want to do it, just say so. Don’t change the subject?—”
“It is the same subject,” he snapped. “Theo, you would never ask me to do something like this unless this woman meant the fucking world to you. She tells you she loves you, and you just sit there and say nothing back?” He stabbed his cigar into the ashtray to put out the flame. “You sound like a coward.”
I ground my teeth at the insult, dragging my fingers across my jawline as I paused to control my temper. “I’m not a coward?—”
“Then tell her.”
“Stay the fuck out of my relationship, Axel.”
“I told Scarlett I loved her. Said it to her face like a fucking man. Said it even when I knew she wouldn’t say it back. Astrid’s got bigger balls than you do.”
I’d never wanted to hit him before, but now, my knuckles wanted to knock his fucking teeth out. “You were divorced, Axel. Not widowed.”
“It was ten years ago?—”
“I’ll make sure to say the same to you when you watch Scarlett die,” I snapped. “When she’s bald and can’t get out of bed and she’s already so dead she barely looks alive. When you bury her, and the second you turn your goddamn back, the gravediggers show up and cover her in six feet of dirt when her coffin is still warm from the sun?—”
“Stop.” He abruptly left the couch and walked to the window, turning his back on me as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“It stops for you, but it never stops for me.” I got to my feet, too angry to sit still. “Don’t tell me ten years has been long enough to get over it when you don’t get over shit like that. I’ve shot men between the eyes and stuffed them in oil drums, but she was innocent…and good…and she didn’t fucking deserve that.” I smashed my cigar into the ashtray before I stormed out, eager to get the fuck out of that house and back to the garage. Losing my wife had been harder than losing Killian, not because I loved her more, but because I didn’t have to watch him die. I didn’t have to see it…listen to it…and want it to be over just so I didn’t have to suffer anymore, even though I wasn’t the one who’d had to die.
“Theo.”
I crossed the foyer and reached the elevator before I smashed my finger into the button so hard I almost snapped it in half.
“Theo.”
I kept my back to him and waited for the elevator. I didn’t know why it wasn’t on my floor since I’d just gotten out of it twenty minutes ago.
“I’m sorry?—”