Page 31 of Fated to the Damned

I have noticed that Nikolai typically won’t leave me alone with Lev, though. Which sparks hope in my heart that has no business being there.

It’s not even like there aren’t other vrakken here. There are. And some have even made advances toward me.

And yet…I can’t get this one out of my head.

I watch as he leaves the ring, and momentarily, his gaze sweeps over the gathered vrakken. I wonder if he could feel me watching him because he stops looking as soon as our eyes meet.

For one blissful second, it’s like it’s just the two of us. The noise, the space, the air…It all fades away until it feels like he’s right there. I want to reach out, to touch him–

And then the moment is shattered, and he turns away, jerking on his shirt and heading through the courtyard with me staring after him longingly.

After so much reflection, I’ve realized that he doesn’t believe in the human and vrakken mating. He said nearly as much to me, but his sermons gave me true insight. He thinks that The First was pure and none of us can attain that. He must think their blood has been too watered down by ours.

I can understand that, though. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are few vrakken-born. Without Making more, they would be a small race. I just need Nikolai to see he’s against the careless turning of humans, the rapid way it’s been happening.

I need him to see he’s not against me.

Because I want to be a vrakken. I want it nearly as much as I want him. I’ve been a worthless human for so long, as little as dirt in most people’s eyes. And I want to help fight the dark elves. I want to honor the First and Akeldama.

And maybe Nikolai would want me if I was a vrakken…

Shaking the thought out of my head, I slip out of the crowd. I make my way across the dusty courtyard towards the dining hall, my thoughts still swirling with images of Nikolai shirtless and glistening with sweat. I can't seem to banish the memory of his chiseled muscles flexing as he swung his blade.

I join the line for food, ladling stew and bread onto my plate absently. I find an empty table near the back and sit down, stirring my stew listlessly.

Before I can take a bite, Alina appears and plops down across from me. A massive grin is on her face – which feels like a permanent expression – as she leans forward eagerly.

"There you are! I was starting to think you'd vanished into thin air. Feels like I haven't seen you in weeks," she exclaims dramatically.

I offer her a weak smile. "Oh you know, just been busy..."

Alina snorts. "Busy making moon eyes at Nikolai is more like it." She waggles her eyebrows suggestively.

I feel my cheeks flush hot at the accusation. "What? No way, we barely know each other." I stare down at my stew, avoiding her gaze. “I just help out at the temple. I really spend most of my time with Lev anyway.”

"Mmhmm, that blush says otherwise," Alina teases. "Come on, dish! I've seen the way you two look at each other. The tension is unbearable." I start to say something but she shakes her head. “And you came to the base with him. You at least know him in some capacity.”

I swallow hard, fiddling with my spoon. I’d forgotten Alina was there the day we showed up.

I decide to switch my approach, still going with a safe answer. "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. We're just...friends." The word tastes bitter on my tongue. I honestly don’t even know if we’re that no matter how much I want more.

Alina laughs loudly, drawing curious glances from nearby tables. "Girl, you are a terrible liar. But hey, your secret crush is safe with me." She winks conspiratorially.

I let out an exasperated huff, quickly shoveling down a few bites. "Well this has been fun but I should really get going."

I gather my dishes hastily, eager to escape. Alina calls after me in a sing-song voice, "Say hi to Nikolai for me!"

Ignoring her, I hurry outside into the fresh air. But she's right about one thing – I’m planning on going back to the temple where I know Nikolai will be. And it’s not for entirely altruistic reasons.

Even with the distance between us, being near him makes my pulse race wildly. I can't seem to banish him from my thoughts lately, no matter how hard I try.

So against my better judgement, I enter the cavernous temple, my footsteps echoing across the stone floors. The hushed space is empty save for Nikolai standing solitary before the central altar. I expected him here, but I didn’t expect him to be the only one here

He gazes down intently, focused on methodically preparing the altar for this evening's rituals. I pause in the doorway for a long moment, suddenly unsure if I should interrupt his meditative task.

The ever-present tension between us seems to crackle in the very air. After weeks of distant politeness, being alone with him makes my heart flutter nervously.

Nikolai looks up at the sound of my entrance, eyes widening slightly in surprise before his expression smooths back to impassivity and his gaze drops like it always does.