Page 7 of Pregnancy Clause in Their Paper Marriage
‘I didn’t think you would,’ she admitted. ‘You said before that you never wanted children, when we first agreed to the marriage. You made it very clear that children weren’t part of your life plan.’
Had he stated it as baldly as that? Probably. He’d known what it was like to love and lose, to be part of a family that was ripped apart and never truly healed, scars running through its centre for ever. He’d never wanted to open himself up to that kind of pain, that kind of loss, and, moreover, he’d never wanted to have the occasion or opportunity to inflict it, unknowingly, or unwillingly even, unable to keep himself from it, just as he had before.
At least, he’d never thought he wanted those things...until now. Now, when he realised he did, and he was, to his own surprise, willing to risk it...for a child. A father’s love—and a child’s in return—could be a simple thing. A beautiful thing.
‘You’re right,’ he told her, stretching out his legs in front of him and folding his arms. ‘I did say that about not wanting to have children. But obviously you’ve changed your mind, and maybe I’ve changed mine.’
Her eyes widened, turning a deeper blue shot through with gold as her gaze blazed into his. ‘Have you?’ she asked, and he shrugged, nonchalant.
‘I must admit, it’s an intriguing proposition, what you’ve suggested. I’m more interested than I might have expected myself to be, as it happens.’
Againwith that damned relief, passing over her face in a wave. ‘I’m glad you think so. As for your...future involvement, I’m sure we could figure that out in time, some kind of arrangement we both were...comfortable with.’
And what, he wondered sourly, would that be? Every other weekend? A monthly get-together? Christmases and birthdays? Considering he hadn’t seen his family in well over a year, and that by choice, his determination to be so involved was a little ironic, if not downright hypocritical. And yet he felt it all the same. Utterly. This was a second chance, a fresh start, and hewantedit. ‘It’s not the sort of thing I’d like to leave to chance,’ he told her evenly, and she stilled.
‘Not to chance...?’
‘Generally speaking, the mother’s rights tend to trump the father’s in situations involving custody and the like.’ It was a general observation more than anything else, but the last thing Christos wanted was some heated battle over their baby. He would never want to subject a child of his to that.
‘Custody...’She sounded shocked as she shook her head. ‘Christos, it wouldn’t ever come to that.’
‘Is that a promise you can make? Onpaper?’ The edge was coming through his voice now, like a stain bleeding into cloth, and Lana noticed.
‘Christos...’ She shook her head again, now more confused than surprised. ‘What exactly are you saying?’
She’d been honest, brutally so, and so, he decided, would he. He leaned forward, his relaxed pose shucked like an old skin, revealing the tension and even the fury pulsating underneath. ‘What I’m saying,’ he told her, his tone turning soft yet lethal, ‘is that there is no way I’d ever consider your absurd, offensive,hare-brainedproposal. No way in hell.’
CHAPTER THREE
LANAHADNEVERseen Christos angry. It was this realisation that filtered through her stunned brain first as she stared at him uncomprehendingly, taking in his glittering eyes, the colour that slashed his high, bladed cheekbones, the breaths that came too fast.What...?What had just happened?
She realised she had to reframe their entire conversation, and it left her feeling as if she’d been knocked, not just off balance, but flat on her face. She, who excelled at other people’s public relations, at presenting their new image and predicting the public’s response to it, had just failed utterly with her own PR. She’d presented her case badly, and misread Christos’s response and intention, as well.
How had she misjudged it all so horrendously? Because itwashorrendous, to see him looking so furious with her. She realised she’d taken his benevolence for granted, because she’d always known him to be kind, thoughtful, considerate. They’d shared a certain trust as well as affection, and she’d liked it. She’d trusted it.
But right now, he looked positively enraged, and she felt something in her shut down, the way it had when her mother had used to turn on her as a child, that dangerous glitter in her eyes, or Anthony had frozen her out, ignoring her in public while she tried not to beg and did anyway.
She wouldn’t be like that now, yet she knew she didn’t have the strength of will to lighten the mood, to offer a wry remark.Don’t sugar-coat it, darling.The words floated up to the surface of her brain, but she couldn’t say them. She simply stared at him, and he stared back, his fury cooling into something icy and hard.
‘I didn’t mean to make you angry,’ she finally said, her tone quiet but firm. She wouldn’t back down, not the way she used to, cowering and cringing to her mother, pleading with Anthony. No. She’d never be that person again.
‘Yes, I’m aware of that.’ He leaned back again, in the same relaxed pose, yet every muscle was taut, tense, his whole body bristling with restrained energy. ‘I’m not sure if that makes it better or worse, to be honest.’ His tone almost managed to be wry, but still held an edge. ‘Why did you think I would be amenable to such an idea, Lana? I know I said I was okay with not having children, but to donate my sperm for a baby I won’t even be bringing up? From a purely selfish point of view, what would be in it for me?’
Realisation hollowed her stomach out. ‘Nothing,’ she admitted after a moment. Why had she not considered that angle before? Of course Christos wanted something from the deal—but what? ‘Although I’m not sure what was in our marriage, for you, besides getting some grasping women off your back. Not much of an incentive, really, as far as I could see.’
His expression turned both thoughtful and guarded, like a veil dropping over his eyes. ‘Obviously it was enough of an incentive for me to agree to it,’ he replied. ‘And don’t underestimate the convenience of not being besieged by grasping women. Butthis...if I didn’t want a child in the first place, I’d hardly be amenable to donating my sperm to my ownwife. And if I did want a child, I’d want to be involved. Don’t you think?’
Misery swamped her and she had to bite her lip to keep from showing how devastated she felt. When he pointed it out like that, it was obvious, unbearably so. She’d been sostupid, because she’d been blinded by her own need and fear. Hearing the doctor tell her that her time was running out...realising this would be her only chance at a child, a family... The family she’d never thought she’d dare to have, a baby to love... She’d let that emotion guide her, and not the cool, clear logic that usually did. Head over heart every time, wasn’t that her hard and fast rule? Not this time, though. Not when it had mattered the most.
‘I mean, why me?’ Christos continued, his tone affable yet relentless. ‘If you just want a sperm donor, why not just get a sperm donor?’
Another fair and somewhat obvious point. What could she say? The truth, she supposed. She’d been honest so far, and she’d continue to be so, even if it hurt. ‘I trust you,’ she told him. ‘And I... I like you. And...you have good genes.’
‘Your three points regarding the conception of our child,’ Christos filled in dryly.
Lana gave a soft huff of laughter. Trust Christos to make a joke about it. She liked that about him, too. ‘And point four, you have a good sense of humour,’ she quipped before adding, ‘I suppose I didn’t think this through as much as I should have.’ She rolled her eyes, trying to laugh at herself, at least a little, even though she still felt as if she were reeling. ‘The truth is, I got the news about my—my condition, and I raced to find a solution. And this one seemed...obvious, I suppose. I didn’t mean to offend you. I genuinely believed you wouldn’t want to be involved, based on what you’ve said earlier.’
Something flashed across his face, and she realised she’d hurt him with that admission. What kind of man would refuse involvement with his own child? And yet her own father had, and easily so, according to her mother. She’d assumed Christos would be the same without ever thinking it through. Without thinking about what it would say about him, when she realised now that he would never have been like that. ‘Obviously, that wasn’t a fair assumption to make,’ she offered quietly. ‘I’m truly sorry.’