Page 10 of Pregnancy Clause in Their Paper Marriage
Well, Lana? What do you say? How about it?
How aboutwhat? Marriage, in all meaning of the word? Having sex with the man, having achildwith the man, and yet somehow keeping her head on straight, her heart safe? Last night she’d prevaricated, told him she’d have to think about it for a little while. He’d laughed and said he’d expected no less. He’d risen from the sofa like a man astride the world, totally at ease with himself and the outlandish suggestion he’d just made.
And yet it was what millions of couples embarked on every year. Marriage. Parenthood. Life together, if not love. Why shouldn’t she do it? Why did she have to keep herself so apart from everyone?
Because it’s what you’ve learned to do. It’s the way, the only way, you know how to stay safe. To be in control.
But maybe safe was overrated. As for control...
And anyway, Lana reminded herself, she would be safe, heart-wise. Christos had been right. If they were going to fall in love with each other, they would surely have done it already. The fact that they hadn’t meant they wouldn’t. Right? They’d both been successfully inoculated against the dreaded L-word, at least with each other. And the truth was, she both liked and trusted him; she enjoyed his company—his easy humour, his innate kindness, his unapologetic professional ambition. So why not enjoy all the fringe benefits of such a union—a baby and, more immediately,makinga baby—and not worry about emotions that wouldn’t become engaged?
Could it really be that easy? Did she even want it to be? Sex was still scary to her, after her experience with Anthony, the way he’d pour scorn on her in her most vulnerable and needy state. Did she want to go through that with Christos, even if she knew—at least in her head—that he would be different?
A shuddering breath escaped her. She glanced down at the ground forty floors beneath her and felt as if she were about to take a leap right out there, onto the statue of Atlas in the centre of the plaza, his broad shoulders reminding her of Christos’s last night, when he’d been stretched out on that sofa, looking relaxed and powerful, potently male and utterly assured of his own charisma. He hadn’t had any doubts that she would want to consummate their marriage, had he? And why should he, when he was a man most in demand—or had been, before his marriage?
What women had slept with him since, she tried to never let herself think about. Jealousy was an emotion she definitely did not intend to feel. But if they did do this the old-fashioned way, then fidelity was a must. Wasn’t it? It was one of many details they hadn’t discussed yet.
‘Lana?’ Her assistant and most trusted member of staff, Michelle, came to the doorway of her office. ‘You have a call from Bluestone Tech on line two?’
Albert from last night, wanting to refer his awkward friend who needed a rebrand. Lana always welcomed business, although her calendar was completely full for the next six weeks. After that, she might want to clear it completely...a possibility that filled her with fear and excitement in equal measure. Could she even do the motherhood thing, considering the sorry example of her own? She wanted to believe she could, but she struggled with doubts.
‘Can you tell him I’ll call him back?’ Lana asked Michelle, who frowned, glancing around the empty office, before she nodded and retreated back out to the reception area where she had her own desk.
With another gust of breath, Lana walked back to her desk, a single, sculpted piece of walnut, and sat down. She had plenty of work to do—a party to plan, a publicity blitz to launch, calls to return, emails to send, wheels to grease, and yet right now she couldn’t focus on anything. Anything but Christos.
She was still staring blankly into space when Michelle came back into her office, armed with a double espresso. ‘I thought you needed it,’ she said as she set the cup down in front of Lana.
‘Thank you.’ Lana took a much-needed sip before glancing up at her assistant. ‘How did you know?’
‘You’ve been acting distracted all morning, which isn’t like you. You’ve usually ploughed through your inbox twice over by now.’ Michelle cocked her head. ‘What’s up? If you want to tell me, that is?’
Michelle, Lana knew, was the one person she trusted absolutely, more so even than Christos, although that was simply because Christos was a man, and she’d learned never to trust men. From the time she’d hit puberty at age eleven, men had been looking at her, making remarks, innuendos, sometimes even trying to grope or touch her. Whether it was the blonde hair or big boobs Lana didn’t know, but something about her physique made men think she welcomed their attention when the exact opposite was true. She’d thought Anthony was different, with the way he’d wined and dined her, but in the end he hadn’t been. He’d actually been worse.
Still, she trusted Christos more than she trusted any other man, that was for certain. But Michelle she trusted with the truth. Her assistant knew the truth of her marriage, had even been impressed by Lana’s matter-of-factness about it.
‘Don’t you get lonely, though?’ she’d asked when Lana had explained it to her, and Lana had given a short laugh.
‘No,’ she’d said, which was probably the only time she hadn’t been honest with Michelle. Yes, she got lonely, but she’d learned that was far better than the alternative. She’d take loneliness any day over heartbreak, humiliation, hurt. Yes, indeed.
‘Christos and I had a discussion,’ Lana told Michelle now as she took another sip of coffee. ‘We’re thinking of having a baby together.’
‘What?’ Michelle’s mouth fell open. ‘You want kids?’
‘Well,akid, yes.’ Lana smiled wryly. ‘It turns out I have a biological clock, after all.’
‘But what about LS Consultants?’ Michelle asked. ‘Your life is this place, Lana—’
‘I’m not going to walk away from it, don’t worry,’ Lana assured her. ‘But with trusted associates like you, I think I could probably take a couple of months off.’
‘Wow.’ Michelle shook her head slowly. ‘I didn’t see that one coming.’
‘No?’ To be fair, she hadn’t seen it coming, either. Not until that doctor’s appointment four days ago, when she’d discovered what the night sweats, irritability and irregular periods had really meant—something she still needed to absorb. Accept.
And meanwhile...
‘So, what does this mean for you and Christos?’ Michelle asked. ‘Because this doesn’t sound like much of a convenient marriage to me, not any more.’
‘Well, it would be, sort of.’ Lana gave her assistant a rueful smile. ‘We both realised we wanted a family, and it made sense to start one together. But nothing else will change.’ Or so she kept telling herself.