Page 5 of Rudimentary Distortion

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Two hours in the green room, and not one of the band members has shown up. I stay where I am as the opening band plays, catching up on emails, but as soon as their set ends, I head to the side of the stage in time to catch Satan strapping on his guitar.

He turns his head and nods toward me. His eyes are intense and eerily familiar, golden honey like the beam of a lighthouse bringing a sailor safely to shore. He clears his throat, and the crowd goes wild. They chant his name until it echoes through the amphitheater.

Looking directly at me, he says. “Remember when you took the pain away, Billie Goat Gruff?”

He strums the same old beat-up Fender guitar from a time when he only had three adoring fans, burning me with the lyrics of “Disarm” by The Smashing Pumpkins.

My throat dries up, and tears I haven’t cried in eight years spring from my eyes.

Lars.

3

Lars

Cain throws his arms around me as we rush from the stage. The audience still chants our names, clamoring for more.

“Way to go, outing us all,” Cain whispers in my ear.

“She can’t out us. She has an ironclad contract,” I shout over the roar of the crowd as we leave the stage area.

The chatter dies as we open the door to the green room. We haven’t even taken one step inside before the PAs and roadies scurry like rats exposed to light. The only two people who don’t budge are Kaye and Billie.

Kaye glares at me. I’m pretty sure she thinks if she concentrates hard enough, she’ll light me on fire until I disintegrate. Billie stares at a spot on the floor, refusing to look up.

What I did tonight was fucked up. I was shocked that Cain let me fuck him on stage. Usually, we pretend to bang, but something came over me, knowing Billie was there. He said nothing and took it like a champ, but I know I’ll be paying for it later. Cain doesn’t like surprises, but it was worth it to make Billie nervous and unsteady.

“Get out, Kaye,” I say without taking my eyes off Billie.

Kaye places her hands on her hips. “I’m exactly where I should be. You two were out of hand tonight.”

“Let me say it another way,” I growl. “Get the fuck out, Kaye, or you’re fired.”

Kaye huffs before she storms from the room, leaving Cain and me alone with little Billie Richmond.

“Long time no see, Billie Goat Gruff,” I whisper as I grab a bottle of whiskey.

Billie’s palms press flat against her thighs as she smooths her skirt. Gotta give it to her; she presents a calm exterior. The notion that she could’ve put the past behind her and moved on irritates me. I’ve dreamed about her since that night at the docks, and learning it isn’t the same for her sparks anger in my heart.

Her hands tremble, giving me hope that we still affect her, but then she looks up and smiles. “Will it be Blaze and you, or will the other guys join us? I was hoping to ask Mayhem about the infusion of classical music into his sound. I’ve never heard a keyboard player as talented as him.” She gazes down at her notebook. “He must’ve had some extensive training.”

I swallow all the years of anger and allow her to keep talking about the flawless skills of Marley Banks on the keys. I wonder how long she can keep going without acknowledging what’s right in front of her.

“Striker and Mayhem are on the tour bus,” I say as I open the green room door. Turning, I catch her eyes, still as beautiful as ever. “You coming?”

Billie says nothing as we walk backstage and out of the amphitheater. She wraps her arms around herself and rubs the fabric of her long sweater.

Shrugging off my long black trench coat, I drape it over her shoulders.

“Please, you need this more than I do,” Billie whispers as her eyes hungrily take in my bare chest and arms.

I raise the bottle of liquor and wave it at her. “Keeps me warm.”

Music blares from the bus. I’ll bet my career that Marley and Iggy have a harem of half-naked groupies begging for their attention. Iggy’s probably balls deep in one of them. That’s his thing. No relationships, but always down for fucking. The only people I’ve ever seen him care about are Marley and Kaye, who occasionally fuck groupies with them. Something is going on with those three, but as long as it doesn’t fuck with my business, I don’t give a shit.

“Go on up, Ms. Richmond,” I say, gesturing to the stairs.