Page 19 of Rudimentary Distortion
“You’re special,” Cain says, lighting a new joint. “We don’t cum in groupies. We wrap our shit tight. Don’t want any diseases.”
She doesn’t need to know that we’ve never done any of that shit with groupies. It will only give her more power over us.
“You’re such a sexist pig. You’re out here fucking any girl who looks your way but have an issue with them doing the same.”
Cain chuckles, raising his hand in the air, the joint dangling from the corner of his lips. “No one’s judging a girl who likes tofuck, Tinkerbell, but I’ve got no idea where they’ve been. Safety first.”
Billie steps toward Cain, bending as she shoves her index finger at his bare chest. “I’ve fucked a lot, but you didn’t need to wrap it up with me. You see what I let you do to me? You think you’re the only ones I’ve done shit with? How do you know I don’t go to clubs and let random men run a train on me so I can push their cum out in a glass and drink it like the bourbon Lars loves so much?”
Billie still has her fire. I’d bet my cock and balls she’s never done the shit we did to her with other men. That’s what attracted her to us because Billie would’ve told us to get lost had it not been for the itch she was desperate to scratch. She’s always been wound tight, playing whatever game her parents set up for her. Even today, when she came in pulling that cardigan tight against her chest, I knew she was full of shit. So I played along to see what buttons I could unleash. “Maybe I’ll drink my bourbon while watching you drink a glass of random cum.”
She turns, eyes glaring pure venom at me. Her adorable nose crinkles and exaggerates the Roman bump I love so much. “I’ve got a freshly fucked pussy with remnants of Satan’s cum. I’m pretty sure I could run downstairs and get one of those guys to lick it up. I saw how they went wild for your cum leaking out of my pussy.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I spit, jumping off the sofa.
Billie picks up the black mask from the floor and shoves it over her head. “Watch me.”
With three steps, I’m in front of her, my hand around her throat. “No one gets to touch you but us, Billie.No one!”
I release her throat and crumble to the floor as she viciously kicks me between my legs.
Billie glares at me. “You fucker. You gave up your claim on me when you told me to get lost. You’re sorely mistaken if youthink you can tell me what to do now. You don’t own me, Lars. You gave up that right ten years ago. You think all this was something special? That you’d give me a few orgasms, I’d fall to my knees in gratitude, and forget how you broke my heart?”
“I was hurting,” I whisper.
“Yes, asshole, so was I. You think you’re the only one who loved him? The only person who had a piece of their heart ripped out. You only lost Trevor when he died. I lost all three of you.”
I rise from the ground. Taking one step, then another, until Billie is cornered against the wall. She flinches as I bring my face toward hers. I want to kick my ass for making her flinch, but I need to say the words that have been burning in my throat for a decade. “He died. I fucking love how we all keep saying that. People die in car accidents, from cancer and heart attacks. Trevor didn’t die. He fucking took a pistol to his temple and blew his brains out on his mother’s cream carpet. Because of us. Because we were so selfish that we forgot it wasn’t just the three of us. He was a part of our family, and we left him behind. Because we fell in love with you.”
“You’re not the only one who loved him, Lars. I beat myself up over it. You assumed I just said, ‘Oh, well,’ and moved on. It’s been ten years, and that pain still shatters my heart. Some days, I miss him so much that I curl into a ball and cry for hours. I loved him, too, but it’s not my fault I didn’t love him the way he wanted me to. Had I known, I never would’ve started it with the two of you. I would’ve been sad, but at least I’d have him.”
Cain gets up. “You think he wanted you?”
“Cain, shut up,” I warn.
“She needs the truth, Lars. Fuck that, she deserves the truth. We can walk away, but she’s spent ten years thinking it was her fault. It’s not her fault. It’s ours.”
“What do you mean?” Billie asks.
“Trevor wasn’t in love with you, Billie. He was in love with Lars. Don’t get me wrong, he loved you like a sister. But Trevor was gay. When he saw us and ran that night, he didn’t go straight home. After I took you home, I headed back to the shack. Trevor and Lars were there.”
Billie turns her gaze from Cain to me. The anger in her face vanishes, replaced by something else, something much worse. Pity.
My face falls into my hands as I try to cast out an old ghost who never stops haunting me.
Trevor gazed at me. His eyes were wild and bloodshot. He was on something.
“What did you take, Trev? You’re on something. What is it?”
Trevor ignored my question, repeating the same words over and over like a mantra to an invisible god. “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you love me?”
“Trevor, I’m trying to help you, brother. Tell me what you’re on.”
“I’m not your brother. I’ve never wanted to be your brother. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I knew you weren’t into guys, but I’ve seen you with Cain. I’ve watched you suck his cock, let him fuck your ass. What’s wrong with me?”
“What are you talking about, Trev? You sound out of it. Bro, go home and sleep it off.”
Trevor walked up to me and dropped to his knees. I wasn’t sure what he was doing until he pulled down my sweatpants and palmed my dick.