Page 115 of Thoroughly Pucked

Garrett leans closer, concern in his eyes. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because I won’t earn money for you.”

Garrett shakes his head. “This is about your career. I’ve only ever wanted to guide you through it.”

“I appreciate that,” I say, then sigh heavily. I wish I were in a better mood. I wish I wanted to tell my father. I wish I were a better client. I wish telling Garrett eased the ache inside me.

I wish for…a lot of things.

But I’ve been in a bad mood since I left Vancouver. Imagine that.

“You’re in a funk,” Garrett says, reading me perfectly. My poker face sucks today.

Maybe I should say something about…anything. “Just a lot on my mind,” I begin, trying that on for size.

“Anything I can help with?”

My life doesn’t spark without your sister.But can I say that? Well, considering I just told him I’m going to retire…Considering I feel like a schmuck for keeping shit from him…Considering there’s a way to say it without violating Aubrey’s confidence…yes, I can.

I straighten my shoulders, meet his eyes. “I…care a lot about your sister,” I say honestly.

Garrett’s still for a second. Brow scrunching. Eyes intense. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I say. It’s not just a relief. It’s a necessity to have spoken the truth.

Garrett nods a few times, as if he’s taking in this new data point. “Are you going to do anything about it?”

I wish I could do everything. “Not right now,” I admit, and you couldn’t miss the moroseness in my tone.

Garrett turns his beer glass in small circles. “Makes sense,” he says, understanding the situation completely.

The timing is awful.

“It does,” I say, and there’s not much more to say than that. But at least I’m not sitting with a lie of omission between us. That has to count for something.

But I don’t know what.

When I get home that night, I check the moisture levels of the plants, watering some, chatting with others, then I grab a feather toy I picked up at a pet store and wander through the living room, dangling it in front of the cat. “Hey there, Calico Jack,” I say, calling him by his new name.

The black one-eyed critter bats the feather, and all I want is to tell Aubrey she was right.

But I don’t.

I do sleep better that night. No nightmares. I’m not saying one night has cured me. But maybe voicing my desire to retire to Garrett has lessened some of the anxiety. Maybe Aubrey’s right about that too. I was working through my decision to retire. Some of working through it is telling people.

I still wish I could wake up next to Aubrey though. Wish I could tell her I’m making progress.

The next day is light. Just a morning skate then the team has the rest of the day off.

When we’re done with the skate, I head down the hallway toward the players’ exit, along with Chase and Ryker.

“Free afternoon. We can take Trina to that bookstore she wants to go to in Sausalito,” Ryker says to Chase as we near the door to the parking lot.

Damn, that sounds nice.

“Pretty sure you want to go to it too,” Chase says to his friend.

“Yes, but so does she. So let’s do it.”