Page 110 of Thoroughly Pucked

Ledger glances down at his knee like,C’mon.

“But I can’t risk that,” I say. “I have a lot to figure out, and I care about you guys too much to keep going while knowing I’m not ready. I won’t ask you to wait for me. I just want you to know.” I dig down deep and I do what I should have last week. I speak up. “This week has been…”

I take a second to gather my thoughts, but Dev’s faster. “It’s been everything,” he says.

Ledger’s quiet at first, but then he nods. “You’reeverything.”

My heart thumps harder and heavier. “I wish this had happened at another time,” I say, resigned to our fate—right guys, wrong time.

At the door, Dev leans in to press a poignant kiss to my lips. It tastes like salt and goodbye.

He lets go, and Ledger brushes his mouth against mine. I taste all the what-ifs, chased with regret.

Then, we go, ending the trip far too soon.

Maybe that’s better—one less day to fall harder.

Because I’m just not ready to fail again at love.

47

MISTER CUDDLES

Dev

I take off across the ice, catching up with my team as they start drills at one end of the rink. My feet feel like lead as we skate in a speed drill. My mind keeps drifting back to a few days ago, when we left Vancouver, when Aubrey opened her heart but closed the door.

I get it. I fucking get it. I understand why she said what she said. But goddammit, my hopes soared and crashed in the same damn second.

I’ve got to shove it out of my mind.

It’s time to take my place in the net, so I set up camp where I belong. This is my home. Me, and the goal, my stick and my pads. But mostly, my body blocking the other team from doing their job.

There’s something very lone wolf about being a goalie. Your job is the opposite to most of the otherguys. They move around the ice. I move around the net as they attack during practice.

Like right now. Half the shooters are lined up in one corner. The rest at the other end. After each shot, the shooter camps out on the other side to be a rebounder for the next guys. Keeps me from being lazy.

Like that’d happen.

Stefan comes at me first, taking a shot on goal.

Then he rebounds to Hayes, who makes his move.

Next Hollis.

Then Fisher’s coming at me.

I make save after save against some of the best shooters on the team. A cold thrill rushes through my veins when no puck gets past me. I need to just keep up this focus for the rest of training camp, the pre-season, the long season, and into the next year.

Without Aubrey.

I blink away that thought as the drill ends, and Coach moves into the next one, mixing it up so my teammates are coming out of the corner, from behind the net, or across the zone.

Coach barks out commands, but my concentration is shot this time. It’s back in the hotel suite with Aubrey. It’s on the streets of Vancouver with her. It’s in the woods with her. It’s in the ghost town saloon when she askedwho are you, then proceeded to show how well she knew me.

I really wanted her to know me.

She saw me for who I am just like I saw her.