Page 84 of The Denver Alpha
My pulse kicks up a notch and I shake my head adamantly. “You know I can’t.”
Quinn pins me under the weight of her stare, speaking calmly as she gives my hands an encouraging squeeze. “Yes, you can. Your brother isn’t as closed-minded as you think he is. I mean,hello, I’m someone’s sister too! Hisbest friend’ssister. That didn’t make things easy for us. They were complicated as hell, and keeping secrets from the people we love made it a whole lot harder.”
I throw my head back on an exasperated sigh, pulling my hands away from hers and lifting them and rub at my temples. “You don’t get it, Quinn! Jax and I don’t have that kind of relationship. I’ve never been able to be honest with him. In his eyes, I’ll always be a little girl.”
She tilts her head, sinking her teeth into her lower lip as she gives a little shake of her head. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. We talked a lot about it on the way here. I pointed out that we’re almost the same age, so he’s a damn hypocrite if he thinks it’s okay for me to be with him and not for you to be with someone.”
“Yeah?” I chuckle under my breath. “How’d he take that?”
The ghost of a smile creases her lips. “He’s coming around.”
I sigh again, burying my face in my hands.
“Trust me,” Quinn urges, reaching out to set her hand on my arm. “You’ll feel better once you tell him. And then we can help you figure this out together. Who knows, he might even have some good advice,” she shrugs. “Insight into the male psyche. And if I’m wrong and he reacts badly, I’ve got your back, a hundred percent.”
I lift my head, meeting her eyes again.
I want to believe Quinn, I do… it’s just that I’m emotionally drained as it is, and the last thing I want to do is start a fight with Jax right now. I just want to get away for a while. Put all of this behind me.
Seeing Cole this morning was hard enough. As soon as he walked into the foyer, I felt it-the pull. The ache to go to him, to fall into his arms and let the world around us disappear. It would be so easy to just forgive him and pretend that the other night never happened, but then where would that leave us? I’d always have that little voice in my head telling me that he didn’t choose this. That he’d wanted something different but settled for what fate dictated. And why should I settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate me exactly as I am?
Maybe fate got it wrong this time. When things were good between Cole and me, they weresogood… but maybe we truly aren’t compatible on a fundamental level. Maybe in my inexperience, I confused lust for love.
My heart aches at the thought. Oddly enough, part of me now understands why Jax always tried to protect me from this. It hurts so damn much. Every time I allow myself to think of Cole, I feel like I’m being torn apart from the inside.
“So, you and the Denver alpha, huh?”
I whip my head toward the doorway, startled at the sound of Jax’s voice. When his words register, my eyes widen and my heart plummets. “He told you?”
Jax shakes his head, heaving a sigh as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans and steps into my room. “Didn’t have to. I put two and two together with the way you two were looking at each other out there.”
My jaw drops, but no sound comes out. I just keep staring at my brother in bewilderment with my mouth agape.
If he knows, why isn’t he freaking out right now?
“What, you think I don’t know the signs?” Jax chuckles, shaking his head. He cards his fingers through his dark blonde hair and shoots his mate a smirk. “It wasn’t that long ago that me and Quinn were sneaking around.”
My gaze pings between the two of them as they share a look, my heart pounding, mind spinning.
“So… you’re… okay with this?” I hazard, still trying to grapple with the fact that my secret’s out, yet my brother seems eerily calm about the whole thing.
“I mean, not entirely,” he grumbles, advancing further into the room and stopping just short of the bed. Amusement flickers in his eyes. “Punching him helped.”
“You what?!” I exclaim, bouncing up to my knees.
Jax grins proudly, rubbing what looks like the remnants of blood from his knuckles. “Just once. He took it like a champ. Nobody hurts my baby sister and gets away with it.”
I stare at him incredulously, not sure if I want to hug him or slap him. Maybe both. Hug him, because he cares enough to defend me. Slap him, because I don’t need defending. How long have I been telling him that I can look after myself?
“Hope you didn’t leave a mark,” Quinn comments, picking a piece of lint off the comforter and flicking it away. “It’d be a shame to mess up that pretty face of his.”
“Watch it, woman,” Jax teases, darting her a glance. Their eyes meet and they grin at one another.
Seeing Jax and Quinn together only makes my heart ache more for what I thought Cole and I could have. Things are so easy between them, so natural and effortless. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be with fated mates? Things with Cole and I feel natural, but they’ve never been easy. At this point, we’ve fought more than we’ve fucked.
Even fighting with him is like foreplay, though. Every interaction with him lights me up from the inside. Passion is never something we’ve lacked, and the more I push him and he pushes back, the more alive it makes me feel. The thought of all that being over wrecks me in ways that I can’t even put into words. My chest burns, my throat’s raw. I feel the familiar prick of tears forming behind my eyes again, but I force them back. Now isn’t the time to break down. I did enough of that last night.
“How much did he tell you?” I ask quietly, dropping my gaze to my hands in my lap and wringing them anxiously. Surely if Jax knew Cole stole my v-card, he’d be on the warpath right now. Especially considering how he beat the crap out of poor Justin Carver for justkissingme.