Page 79 of The Denver Alpha
Silence.
It stretches on for so long that I wonder if he’s actually left, but then I hear that voice again, muffled by the door between us and the covers over my head.
“Can we talk?”
His request is like a punch to my heart, and my response is immediate.
“No.” I force the word out past the lump in my throat, a single tear slipping free and carving a path down the apple of my cheek. I won’t let him in just to see my tears. I refuse to let him see how he’s affected me; how much I’m hurting over his careless words of dismissal.
I thought we had something real. I thought…
There’s a thunk against the door, and I can immediately picture Cole leaning his forehead upon it on the other side. I hear him heave a sigh. “Emotions were running high last night,” he says hoarsely, and the rawness of his voice has another tear slipping free. I bite my lip to contain my whimper, my heart splintering in my chest. “I just…”
I don’t let him finish. I can’t, because I don’t want to hear it. I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to have this conversation right now. The full moon is already rising in the sky, bringing my wolf forward and making me more attuned to everything I’m feeling, and I just…can’t.
“Go away, Cole,” I say again, firmer this time.
Another sigh.
Another long stretch of silence.
“Will you at least come run with the pack? We’re about to head out.”
“No thanks,” I scoff bitterly. “Have a good run,Alpha.”
“Jules, c’mon…”
I throw the covers off, picking up a pillow and chucking it at the door. It hits with a soft and unsatisfying thump before it falls to the floor. “Just leave me alone!” I cry out, tears streaking down my cheeks.
He blows out a slow breath. “Fine. I’ll go, for now, but I’ll be back. We’re going to talk about this.”
I don’t respond. I can’t, because if I do, I’m afraid I’ll break down.
I bury myself in the blankets again as I listen to the sound of Cole’s retreating footsteps. Then it’s quiet.
Well, as quiet as it can be with a full house. The walls here are well insulated, but I can still hear the dull roar of people gathering in the main space of the packhouse in preparation for the full moon run. I’ve always loved running with my pack underneath the moon. For the first time since I arrived in Denver, my heart aches with homesickness. I miss Westfield. I miss my family. I miss my pack.
Time passes while I remain buried beneath the covers, my tears soaking the pillow as I let it all out. My sadness for being away from everything familiar. My grief over the way things ended with Cole last night.
I hear the first howl from outside my window, and I know it’s him. He’s shifted to lead the run and a chorus of howls is quick to follow as his pack follows suit. My own wolf pushes forward, anxious for me to shift and set her free. I’m not sure I’ve ever kept her contained on a full moon night. To force her back is to go against my base instincts, and the more I try, the more difficult it is.
My skin’s itchy, like my wolf is trying to force her way out. My stomach is in knots. I suddenly can’t form a coherent thought with the way my animal is frantically fighting to escape, and my attempts to shove her back are becoming physically exhausting. The call of the moon is strong, but I’m well integrated with my wolf. I can’t ever remember her being this pushy before; this insistent to take control.
My body breaks out in a cold sweat as I become lightheaded and nauseous. I didn’t want to go out to run tonight, but I’m not sure resisting is worth the physical toll it’s taking on me. Every minute that drags on is fucking agony.
I’m so out of my mind that I’m not even sure when I decide to give in. Suddenly I’m throwing the covers off my body, sliding out of bed, leaving my room and walking down the hallway like a damn zombie. The packhouse is eerily quiet; everybody is out in the forest, so it’s a ghost town inside. I make my way out onto the back patio, then to the backyard, clothes littering the lawn as far as the eye can see. I don’t even stop to strip off my own- I tug them off as I walk toward the treeline, leaving a trail behind me until I’m fully nude.
A sigh of relief leaves my lips as I call my wolf forward and the air starts to shimmer around me. The familiar sound of my bones snapping and rearranging echoes through the forest as I start to shift, allowing my wolf to take control as I slide back into the recesses of my consciousness. By the time I’m on four legs shaking out my fur, it’s like I can finally breathe again- all the pain, all the discomfort is gone. I slip back further, allowing my wolf to take over completely. When she’s in control, I don’t have to think. I don’t have to hurt.
I throw back my head, howling to the moon above, then dig my paws into the earth and spring forward, taking off into the thick forest. The summer breeze ruffles my fur like a gentle caress as I surge deeper into the woods. Pebbles roll and twigs crunch beneath my paws. For the first time today, I feel happy. Carefree. Wild.
As I advance deeper into the forest, I spot other wolves out on their run. It’s odd, not recognizing them or being able to communicate with them through the pack mind-link. Some of them stop and stare, as if they’re questioning whether I’m friend or foe, but they don’t give chase. They couldn’t catch me anyways. I’m running as fast as I can, my heart pumping, adrenaline soaring.
Maybe I’ll run so far that I never go back.
The smell of forest and pine is thick around me, but I catch the scent of something else, chasing it deeper into the woods. The closer I get, the stronger it is- and the more giddy I feel. It’s like nothing I’ve experienced before; like a drug that’s intoxicating me with every breath I drag into my lungs. Foreign, yet somehow strangely familiar. Strong. Alluring.Delicious.
The closer I get to it, the more frenzied my wolf becomes. By the time I realize what’s happening, it’s too late.