Page 63 of Rescuing Rebel
I could’ve stayed there, with him, forever. I would have if I could, but then that text came, shattering the perfect illusion.
New intel. Timetable moved up.
The cruel claws of reality ripped me from his side. I disappeared, but my heart never left that beach or the man I walked away from.
“I never meant to hurt you.” Tears spill down my cheeks. “Please believe that, if you believe nothing else. That night was real for me.”
His Adam’s apple bobs and his grip loosens. The anger in his eyes wavers, warring with doubt. Will he understand? I can only pray this is enough of the truth to redeem me in some small way. To prove that what we shared still lives inside me. He’s the eye of the storm raging all around me. A beacon of hope I cling to in my darkest moments.
He should be my north star guiding me home. Instead, he may very well bring devastation to everything I hold dear. I avert my eyes, throat tightening. I want to defend myself, to make him understand, but the words stick in my throat.
“I opened myself up to you, held nothing back. Then you vanished. It led me to believe it was all a lie. You used me.” He grabs my chin roughly, forcing me to meet his blistering gaze. I avert my eyes, too cowardly to face him. “Give me one reason I should trust a word you say now.”
Tears prick hotly behind my eyes, but I blink them back. “I never meant to hurt you,” I choke out. “You have every right to hate me, but what we shared was real to me.”
“You don’t walk away if it wasreal.” His derisive tone makes me flinch. He releases me with a snarl, raking both hands through his hair. “You haven’t answered me. What the hell are you doing here? I saw you with those girls. I don’t even know who you are. If I ever knew you at all. What was Nicaragua? A trap for the Guardians? Is that what you are? Bait?” His chest heaves, eyes wild with anger and remnants of the agony I caused him.
“Nicaragua was real. What we shared was real.” I hug my arms around my midsection, feeling ill. “There are things I can’t tell you. Reasons I had to leave, reasons to keep my distance after...” I close my eyes, shuddering. “Just know I never stopped thinking of you. As for leaving, I had no choice.”
“Because Kaufman called you back?”
“No. It’s not like that. I didn’t have a choice.”
He turns his back to me, hands braced on the wall. We stand frozen, the gulf of misunderstanding still gaping wide between us. When he finally looks at me again, his eyes are filled with fresh hurt and bitterness I deserve in spades.
“You always have a choice.” His words blast through my heart like bullets. He pinches the bridge of his nose and then punches the wall beside my head. I jump in surprise. I’ve never seen him so angry and raw.
“If you trusted me, you could have confided in me. We could have figured something out.” His voice strains with frustration. “Didn’t you learn anything that night on the beach? I would have walked through Hell to protect you. I would still do that today if you gave me the chance.”
His words strike deep. He’s right—if only I had faith in him, everything could be different, but the life at risk tied my hands.
“Some things I have to do alone.” I meet his searching gaze defiantly, even as tears threaten. If I reach out to anyone and involve anyone, I lose everything.
But there’s no way to explain that to a man like Ethan. He’s a Guardian. He does whatever it takes to save those in need. He’ll do whatever it takes to help me, and that’s the one thing I can’t allow. I have to do this alone.
As I try to slip away, his fingers dig into my wrist. He pulls me roughly against him. “Was it all a game to you? Making me believe you cared?” His voice drips bitter poison.
Being so close cracks my composure. My heartbeat quickly matches his as I fight the urge to melt against him.
My voice comes out choked. “Walking away was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You shouldn’t be here. I can’t protect you or your team. Kaufman will know there’s something between us, and trust me, you don’t want him digging for answers. You need to take your team and leave. Leave before it’s too late.”
“Are you going to tell him?” His eyes blaze into mine, probing deep. Then, some of the hardness leaves his face. His hand comes up to cup my cheek with exquisite gentleness at odds with his rage just moments before. “Do you know what Haven is about?” His eyes close, and disgust fills his face. “Of course, you know. I heard…” His eyes open. “How can you work for him?”
“Ethan…” I grab at him. “I need you to trust me.”
“Trust you?” he whispers urgently. “How can I trust you when everything you’ve done is a lie? You want me to trust you? Tell me everything.”
I nearly break down and confess it all, but then I remember the lives hanging by a thread.
The life I’ll do anything to protect.
“I can’t.” I pull away. The loss of contact leaves me cold and bereft, but I force myself to turn my back to him. “And I can’t tell you why. I just need you to trust me. I won’t tell Kaufman who you are or who your team works for, but if you’re here to rescue these women, it’s not going to happen.”
“Why?”
“Because they want to be here.”
“Bullshit.”