Page 13 of Dubious (Darkly Ever After)
My heart hammers violently with every gentle pound of her fist.Her desperation moves me more than anything else in my life. The agony in her voice is ballistic missiles aimed at detonating my already mangled and demented heart.
I should lie to her, make her understand I’m a monster that will destroy her life, so she understands exactly what kind of hellscape she’s facing. But as much as I want her to run, to hate me, a part of me can’t bear the idea. I realize what I need to do to make her despise me, but those actions will eventually lead to my destruction because her opinion of me is enough to sustain my very being.
I’ve done many awful things that make it hard to look in the mirror. I’ve caused people destruction, pain, and heartache, some deserving, others innocent. I don’t want to inflict any of those on Ella.
When Ella looks at me, I don’t want her to resent me. When her eyes gaze upon me, I want her to see a man who will do anything to keep her safe and ensure she’s happy. “She killed your dad, Ella. She killed your dad, and now she wants to use you before she kills you, too.”
My face stings from her vicious slap, followed by a barrage of attacks from her hands and sharp, unapologetic nails. I dodge her kicks aimed at my crotch. Her fingers scratch my neck as she pushes and pulls on my jacket, shoving me. All this to the soundtrack of her uncontrollable sobs.
“You’re lying. The doctors all said he had a heart attack.” Tears flow down her cheeks as she swallows the pain-flooded agony trying to escape her throat. “You’re a dirty liar. A pathetic liar! I hate you! I hate you!”
“He’s not lying, Ella.” River’s tired voice breaks the excruciating cries raging from Ella. “Celeste is a vindictive little cunt. You never thought it was weird that three grown men were following their mommy around like little boys?”
“Shut up, River,” I demand.
“Tell her the fucking truth,” River roars. Something he rarely does. He prefers the role of a demented clown. A comedian you’d never assume was a sadist. He’d have you laughing right before he smashed your head in and fingerpainted with your blood and guts. “I’m so sick of your shit, Alaric. You make moves like you’re some sort of chess master, but we’re no closer to taking out the opposing queen. Aren’t you fucking tired of playing her games? I know I am.” River nods toward Ella. “Tell her.”
I storm toward River, reaching for his throat and pushing him against the wall. The rage festering inside me is at boiling point, no longer contained by the blank, emotionless mask I’ve worn so meticulously throughout the years. “She’ll fucking kill her. Do you fucking understand that? Celeste will take a knife to her throat, slit it, and bathe in her blood. I won’t lose her.” I abandon River’s throat and collapse onto the floor. Defeat slithers over me, gripping my heart in an unbreakable hold. “I won’t lose the only light I’ve ever known in the world.”
“Then tell her the truth,” River repeats.
“If he won’t tell me, you do it, River. I deserve to know what’s going on because the woman responsible for my father not being here is living in his house. Sleeping in his bed.”
“Celeste is a psychopath,” I whisper. “She’s been like this her entire life. She enjoys killing people, and she’s made me an accessory to it.”
Ella gasps. “What do you mean, an accessory to it? Did you know she was going to kill my father? Did you help her?”
She jumps on top of me. I don’t bother trying to temper her rage. She needs an outlet, and I’ll gladly provide her with one. I let her punch my face. Allow her to scream until she tires herself out.
“Did you help kill him?” she shrieks.
“No. No, I didn’t help her kill your dad. Had I known she was going to do it that night, I would’ve stopped her. I wouldn’t let anyone or anything hurt you. I know how much you loved your father and how important you were to each other. You think I’d ever let anyone devastate you by taking away someone you love so much? I would’ve done anything to keep you from feeling the pain she forced on you.”
“Then what do you mean you had a hand in it? How could you have if you didn’t help her?”
“I could’ve killed her ten years ago, but I didn’t. That woman has used me and the people I care about my entire life. But when the opportunity presented itself, I couldn’t do it. All I kept thinking is, what kind of person kills their own mother, you know? No matter what she’d done, she was the reason I was alive. I’ve gone my whole life protecting her, no matter what she did. Not condoning it, but turning a blind eye to it.” I gazes at Ella and then moves my eyes to Asher and River. A silent apology. “And isn’t that worse? Knowing someone is doing hideous things, causing brutal harm. Knowing you can stop it so easily, with no true hardship to yourself. But you don’t. Because no one wants to admit someone they love and believe in could be so destructive.”
I close my eyes, mentally trying to outrun the things Celeste has made me do. Desperate to wipe away the atrocious situations I’ve been a part of. “Then you came into my life, and I realized that by covering for her, I’d become a despicable human being. I don’t know if I can ever achieve redemption or forgiveness. But I know I have to make things right.”
Ella tumbles off me, pulling her legs under her arms, but she doesn’t look frail or scared. It’s a comforting move that seems to give her strength. I recognize the look in her eyes. It’s one I’ve seen in the mirror before I commit atrocities, knowing full well I’ll enjoy every fuckin’ minute of it.
“Let’s go out there and kill her.” Her voice is quiet—a low, icy whisper infused with vengeance and anger.
I raise my head, feeling like a bullet has landed in the middle of my chest. My sweet Ella will never be the same, and it’s all my fault. I ruined her innocence like I ruined River’s and Asher’s. My throat tightens, and I can’t form words.
“We can’t,” River interjects. “At least not right away. She’s got a lot of files on all of us. If anything happens to that bitch, we’re gonna end up in jail, if not worse. And truth be told, we don’t care about being put away, but she’s also got shit on you, Ella. Over my dead body will we let anything happen to you.”
“So we’re just gonna let her get away with it?”
River laughs. “Oh, no, baby, She’s not getting away with shit. We’re going to get those files. It’s already in the works. Have you ever heard of The Beasts?”
I growl at River. We don’t need to tell Ella what we do or who we associate with. The last thing I need is her asking questions about those fucking nut cases. Those guys are so demented they could scare the devil himself.
River smirks, ignoring my silent warning. “They’re the guys who have the key to end all this shit. Their keeper used to be in deep with Celeste. We needed to find the right person because those guys are maniacs. Shit, they make me look almost normal. But this girl, she’s theirs. They’d never hurt her. Once she gets us what we need, we’ll chop Celeste into little pieces and feast on her carcass. We need to wait it out, and you need to go away until we’ve figured out all this shit.”
Relief rushes in my veins when River mentions Ella going away. At least the fucker agrees with me on this.
Ella folds her arms over her chest, her large breasts distracting me for a moment. “Not going anywhere. So you better tell me what I need to do because I’ll be the first one to stab a blade into that cold bitch’s heart.”