Page 53 of Twisted Surrender
She shrugs. “I love kids. It was great being there.”
Kids.
Holy shit.
That word just struck me like I was the one who was shot. I never thought twice about Daisy wanting kids. Jesus. Is that something she wants? I’m too old for more kids. I have my daughter already. I’m on the verge of being a grandparent, not starting over.
This complete debacle has me thinking twice about our future. She could have been robbed of everything because of me.
I watch her intently. What else am I robbing her of? Her chance at independence? Her chance at being a mom? I almost got her killed, for Christ’s sake.
I stand abruptly, suddenly in desperate need of some air.
“Where ya going, boss?” Tom asks and Daisy raises her eyes to me.
“I have to check back in at the station.” I feel her eyes on me, but I won’t look at her. She gently gets up from the bed.
“I’ll come back later, okay? Do you want me to sneak any food for you?”
“Of course I do. Get me the goods from Farrah’s bakery. Tom knows how much I like the sweets there.” He gives Tom a smirk.
Tom flips him off. “I’m letting that one slide since you’re laid up right now.”
I watch her and Cash say goodbye, and I can’t help but wonder if she’d be better suited to him. My blood boils with the thought ‘she’s mine’and I’ll break anyone else’s hands that touch her.
She follows me out the door and we’re quiet as we walk side by side down the hall and out of the hospital. Quieter still on the ride home. My mind swirls with everything I want to say but don’t want to give an actual voice to.
We pull into my driveway, and I shut the engine. Neither one of us makes a move to leave the truck. Instead, we stare out the windshield at the Christmas lights strung around the garage.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
Taking a deep breath. I don’t know how to go about this. “Daisy. I had to choose.”
She doesn’t respond to me.
“I chose my job.”
“No. You made quick decisions that saved everyone around you.”
“How can you even say that, Daisy? I chose my job first! I sent you off in an ambulance and had someone else meet you at the hospital while I stayed to work!”
She speaks calmly and evenly. “You made sure I was safe. You delegated responsibility. You looked after your man that was critically hurt. Then you chose your job.”
“No, I -”
“Why are you trying to end this right now? You wanted nothing more but to protect me. Isn’t that what you’ve been screaming for months? You handled everyone and everything the way you should have at that scene and now I’m sitting here listening to you tell me you chose it all over me? Do you hear yourself right now?”
She erupts at me. And she calls me on everything that’s flowing through my mind. “I’m not trying to end anything but-”
“You want me to be alone? You want to leave me in that house? What happened to ‘if I’m gone, you’re gone’? Why are you choosing now to push me away?”
“I can’t offer you anything! I’m twice your age. I should be watching over you, yet my life has brought you the worst danger ever.” I grip the steering wheel. “You want kids. I heard you at the hospital! You’re better off with someone like Cash. And fuck me.” I growl out the words, my anger rising to the top. “That makes me want to go right back to that hospital and kill him.”
She turns to me. “Are you serious right now, Vince? Have I ever pressed you about kids? Have I ever said I felt unsafe in your world? If anything, you make my world safe just by being here.”
“Safe. Yeah, right. Look at how safe you are.” I look pointedly at the white bandages around her arm. “I failed you, Red! I should have forced you to stay at my house. I knew the gang was going to strike. I knew it was going to happen. I almost lost you once. Then, I left you alone on a stretcher after you were attacked and I almost lost youagain!Twice, Daisy! Twice I failed to protect you when another opened fire into the crowd. I can’t even think about where I would be if something worse happ-”
She moves closer to me in the truck. “Don’t think. Don’t go there. There’s no need to torture yourself with ‘what ifs’ that didn’t happen.” She lays her hand on my thigh and makes small circles, trying to soothe my nerves. "I'm going to pretend you didn’t say you wanted to force me to stay at your house. The two of us have a lot to learn. You need to learn to give up a bit of control, and I need to learn that accepting help doesn’t make me weak.” She grabs my hand now. “You have a need to protect. I know it, and I accept that about you. I may not like the way you go about it at times, but I see you for who you are! You need to see me now! You need to see that yes, I need to do things on my own, especially things I’ve never experienced on my own, but it doesn’t mean Iwantto do them alone! I have to be better about letting you stand beside me. I’ve been saying it, but maybe I haven’t been showing it.”