Page 16 of My Stalker, My Protector
Am I imagining things or are his pupils dilating? “I bet he’s always wanted to take you to the movies. Is there anything you want to see?”
“I love the movies,” I say, enthused, sitting up straighter. “I went to the movies yesterday with friends. We saw a rom-com…so maybe we should go seeHidden Mastertonight? The one about the guy who follows his ex-girlfriend to college and follows her everywhere…” I trail off with a wince. “Or maybe that’s a little too close to home.”
“No. I think that’s the perfect choice.”
“Maybe it is.” I shrug. “I hear she kills him at the end. It could be empowering.”
His expression is momentarily strange. Like a combination of amusement and dread. But it fades into thoughtfulness. “Do you…feel powerless, Scout?”
“A little bit,” I say honestly. “Some faceless person is controlling my life from behind the scenes. Telling me I can’t date…or he’ll kill me. Giving me nightmares. Forcing me to go everywhere with protection, wondering when I’ll receive another letter or email. It’s scary.” I lean forward, pressing my nose into the freshness of his neck. And I leave out the part where the letters make me feel buoyant. Alive. Itchy. “But I don’t feel scared when I’m with you. I feel safe. And the fact that we’re trying to catch my stalker makes me feel proactive, instead of like I’m hiding.”
“Good,” Cash says, sounding a little choked, his fingers combing through my hair. “Nothing is going to happen to you as long as you’re with me. That I can promise.”
“I know,” I whisper, following an impulse to touch my tongue to his neck, surprised when he releases a guttural sound, his hand tightening painfully on my thigh. But I’m shocked to find that it’s a pain I like. I like the way he inflicts it, like his body is out of his control. “I’ve always wanted to make out at the movies,” I breathe into his ear.
With you, I say to myself, afraid to reveal that I’ve been harboring serious feelings.
But maybe I should have said it out loud, because in a flash his hand is around my throat, squeezing just enough to make me gasp. “You’ve always wanted to make out at the movies with a boy? Is that right? Any boy will do?”
“N-no.”
“No?” he shouts, pinning his forehead to mine.
“I’ve only wanted to try it…recently.”
“Recently,” he repeats. “Explain that.”
“I…well…”
His hand tightens and it’s the strangest thing, but my sex flexes between my thighs, like there is a corresponding electrical cord between my throat and those sore little muscles. I like his treatment, even though it scares me a little. What is wrong with me?
“Explain what you meant, Scout.”
I wet my lips. “Sometimes when I go to the movies with my friends and I see couples making out in the back of the theater in the dark…I wonder what it would be like to do that with you.” As soon as I make the confession, I close my eyes as tightly as possible, not wanting to see pity or laughter transform his features. “I’ve liked you since my brother introduced us, okay? But, you know…allthe girls like you, so I figured…I don’t know. Why would you pick a dorky freshman?”
His hand drops from my throat like it weighs a thousand pounds. “You’ve liked me?”
I nod, my eyes still closed.
“Christ. Don’t tell me that, Scout,” he rasps.
“I know. I know. You don’t want to tie yourself down, especially when you’re graduating soon and probably going pro—”
His gusting exhale blows around my hair. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Finally, I crack an eyelid, finding him pale. “I don’t?”
“No.” He spears his fingers into my hair, his mouth roving over mine. “I’ve stayed away because I was trying to save you.”
“Save me from what?”
He shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. You’re fucked now. We both are.” His right hand travels down the front of my body, kneading my breasts, right then left. “Nah, I’ve been fucked from the start, haven’t I? Soon as you blinked those big eyes at me. Asking to be corrupted without saying a goddamn word.”
I thought it was impossible for my heart to race faster than it already is, but there it goes. “You…like me, too?”
“Scout, you think I’d agree to protect just anyone’s little sister? Anyone else, I would have told to fuck off. But it was you. It was you.” His hand moves lower, sliding between my sex and the seat, rotating his fingers until my mouth pops open on a whimper. “I couldn’t make it five minutes without fingering you, baby. I can’t get through warmups without balling you on my coach’s desk. And Jesus, the more time I spend with you, the more I just want to talk to you in the dark. I want to know every last thought in your head. I want to be in your fucking head while you’re dreaming so I don’t miss anything. So I know what your subconscious is doing without my permission. I’m broken over you, Scout. And this is only what I’mlettingyou see.”
My thoughts are racing, connecting dots, seeing our acquaintance through an entirely new lens. All the lingering hugs, the ambiguous looks across the parties, the gravity with which he says my name. I’m barely capable of breathing. Cash Jenner has it bad for me and somehow I’ve been totally oblivious?