Page 18 of Chase
11
Chase
Iwas not ready to be home, and when I saw Sophia step outside as soon as I rolled onto the lot, a sweater wrapped around her upper body, her arms curled around her midsection as she stared at me, I had the greatest urge to spin my bike around and high tail it back out of town.
But Scorpion wanted me home, and I couldn’t defy my president. I’d sworn an oath, and I wouldn’t break that oath just because I couldn’t handle the shit going on in my head. This club came first before everything else.
Grunting, I turned my bike off and got up, hanging my helmet on the handlebars. Rotating my jaw and steeling my spine, I made my way to the clubhouse doors, which Sophia was blocking. Sighing, I crossed my arms over my chest, staring down at her when she didn’t budge. So, this was how we were going to play it.
“Are you going to move?” I asked, my voice gravelly from not being used in hours.
She stubbornly tilted her chin up, shaking her head. I usually adored how stubborn she could be, but not today. Not when I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her. Not when there was so much shit between us.
“No. We need to talk, Chase. You’ve been ignoring me.” I almost scoffed. Now she wanted to try calling me out on my shit? I deserved a fucking few days of peace, didn’t I?
Her bruises were healing slowly but surely, which I was grateful to see, and this morning, she’d taken the time to shower. She smelled like my soap and shampoo, and fuck if that didn’t do some shit to me, even though I didn’t want it to. She’d used me, and though I knew I’d given in, which was entirely my fault, she didn’t even seem to feel remorse for the shit I’d been going through because of it.
And despite her lack of remorse for what I was going through, I hated that I was still in love with her. My heart was at war with my mind. My heart wanted to drag her into my arms and say fuck everything I was feeling just to have her as mine, and my mind was warning me that trying to be with her with all of these tumultuous feelings rolling around inside of me would just hurt us both in the end and leave both of us wrecked.
No matter how much I was hurting, I didn’t want her to hurt, too—not in that way. Because when we inevitably ended, it would be the type of hurt neither of us could take back. And probably one neither of us could get over.
“Nothing to talk about, Sophia. Now, move. I need to get inside and talk to Scorpion.”
“You can spare me two fucking minutes of your time, Chase,” she snapped, getting angry. I hated that my dick perked up faster than it had in the two days I’d been gone. “Why did you run, Chase?”
I barked out a humorless laugh. So, she wanted to do this right now, did she? Fine—I’d talk. But that didn’t mean she would like the answers she got. Curiosity killed the cat, and in this case, it was going to destroy my little cupcake’s heart.
“Because I fucking hate myself for what I allowed you to talk me into,” I bitterly told her.
She flinched, and it took everything in me not to take the words back. “You could have told me no,” she finally retorted, her arms tightening around her midsection.
“Could I?” I bit out, getting angry, too. “I fucking told you I’d do anything for you, cupcake.” The term of endearment slipped out before I could stop it, and her eyes brightened the slightest bit. I hated that a little bit of warmth trickled into my chest at the sight. “And I fucking did. I stillwould. Despite me not being able to sleep without seeing your tears and hearing your fucking sobs when I shut my eyes, despite me seeing nothing but your blood staining my fucking hands every time I look at them, I’d still goddamn do anything for you. Andthatis why I fucking left, Sophia.”
Her eyes dimmed, tears welling in their beautiful depths. My chest fuckingached. “You are the absolute fucking worst for me, cupcake, and had Scorpion not told me to get my ass back home, I would still be gone,” I roughly told her, my voice thick with sadness, pain, and anger.
She choked on a sob, her eyes welling with tears I so badly didn’t want to spill over. “I never wanted to hurt you, Chase.”
“Didn’t you?” I demanded, hurting so fucking much now that I could barely contain it. And that hurt laced my words. The agony wrenched my soul apart. “You knew how I felt about you, Sophia. You’ve always fucking known. Ineverhid it. Not goddamn once. And you used my love for you. You took and fucking took without even trying to seeme, Sophia. And while I am fucking glad you feel better and you’re doing better, I still need time to work through my own shit.”
“I don’t want you to block me out, Chase,” she pleaded, reaching for me. Her touch burned my skin, scorching me from the inside out. “Please let me fix this.”
“Cupcake, I needtime,” I rasped.
She shook her head, her lips trembling. I cupped her cheeks, resting my forehead on hers. She sobbed, tearing my mind apart. “Sophia, even now, you’re not seeing me.” She shook her head. “Cupcake, you’re not seeing me,” I repeated. She sobbed again, those tears sliding down her cheeks. “I fucked numerous faceless women while I was gone.” A cry ripped from her throat as she clung to my cut. “Itriedto move past this the way I move past everything else in my life, but I couldn’t. I just needtime. Please just fucking give me that,” I begged.
“I’ll do anything, Chase. Please don’t pull away from me. I know I screwed up, but—”
I sighed and stepped back from her, watching as her arms fell to her sides. “Sophia, you’ve never opened up to me. You always pushed me away, despite my constant pursuit. Why now?”
“Because I realized how much Idowant you, Chase. I’ve been afraid—”
“Why?” I barked, losing my temper. I was fucking dying inside, and she wouldn’t just let it the fuck go. I just neededtime, and she wouldn’t even give me that. “Why the fuck were you afraid of me, Sophia? I never gave you a reason to be!” I barked.
“Because I’m used to men like you being cruel!” she yelled, sobbing. Her face was flooded with tears, but I didn’t move to wipe them away, despite the urge in me to do so. “I’ve seen what a man wearing that cut can do to a woman. I saw what it did to my mom when he wouldn’t ever choose her—us—over his stupid fucking club. Saw what the stress of club life could make a man do!”
I barked out a cruel laugh. “And now, you think I suddenly will? That I’ll suddenly be different from him?” I demanded.
Her lips trembled. “You already are,” she whispered. “I was just too late to realize it.”