Page 60 of Losers, Part II
“Sorry, angel,” he said, nuzzling his face into my neck. “But I have to bail before your parents find out I’m here. I think your mom might castrate me if she finds me.”
He kept kissing me until my whines of protest became giggles. He left out the window, and I sat up to watch him go, kissing him again as he crouched on the roof’s overhang outside my window. My parents were awake; I could hear them downstairs. Hopefully neither of them would walk outside in the next couple of minutes and see the man on their roof, kissing their daughter through her open window.
“You should come over today,” he said, holding his hand against my cheek. Despite having just woken up, his eyes were bright with energy, a playful smile on his face.
“I will later,” I said. “I promised Julia I’d go shopping with her today.”
An expression flashed across his face so quickly, I almost missed it: a tightening at the corners of his eyes and mouth, a flicker of concern. “Where are you going? Wickeston Outlets?”
Nodding, I said, “Don’t worry. Julia is picking me up. She’ll be with me the whole time.” But I could still see the worry in his eyes. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
Instantly, the expression vanished, hidden behind his crooked smile. “No, it’s nothing you need to worry about. Text us if you need us, okay?”
“Okay.”
He turned as if to leave — then quickly turned back, cupped my face and kissed me again. A hard, deep, possessive kiss. And when he parted from me, he said, “I love you, angel. Be good today.”
Holy shit, those words snatched the breath right out of my chest. They made me feel as if I’d been falling from a great height and suddenly started floating. He tapped his finger against my mouth, as if to remind me of what he’d said last night: to think about it, to take my time.
But God, how easily I could have said it back to him. It scared me how quickly those words could fall from my lips.
“I’ll be good,” I said. “I promise.”
He left, dropping down into the backyard and climbing over the fence. He turned to wave at me as he walked down the sidewalk, and I waved back. Only when he was around the corner and out of my sight did I collapse on the bed, releasing a heavy sigh as I stared at the ceiling.
This wasn’t a game anymore. This was so much more.
He loved me. No matter how many times that moment in the closet swirled around and around in my mind, it still made me breathless. It was terrifying and remarkable and...
Clutching one of my pillows as tightly as I could, I tried to crush down the swelling feeling in my chest. I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush, my mind racing, my heart pounding, palms sweating. And yet, at the same time...
I felt assured. I felt certain. Manson wanted me to wait, to give it thought, and I understood why. Every moment of my reunion with them had been overwhelming and new, but this? Even more so.
I’d told partners that I loved them before, but it had never felt quite like this.
What had happened to me? How had I become so completely lost in this, in them? But I didn’tfeellost — I felt like I’d found something instead. Like I was picking up little pieces of myself along the way, assembling the version ofmeI was meant to be.
***
Julia came to pickme up around noon, rolling up outside in an old red Cadillac convertible.
“Sorry about the mess, girl. You can chuck it on the ground honestly.” She laughed, clearing water bottles, books, and crumpled receipts off the passenger seat.
We headed for the outlet mall, which was a quick drive across town. After telling Julia as much as I reasonably could about our vacation to the mountains — she complained that I’d left out “all the juicy details” — I then told her about Mom’s attempts to interfere with my dating life.
“You need to move out,” she said simply. “That’s honestly super toxic. What is she trying to do, like, arrange a marriage for you?”
“Trust me, if she could, she would,” I said. “But you’re right. I really don’t know how much longer I can stand living with her. I appreciate them letting me move back, obviously, but I’d rather break the bank trying to pay rent somewhere else. But I have my review at work soon, and I have a good feeling about it.”
Julia glanced at me excitedly as we pulled into the parking lot outside the outlets. “Yeah? You think they’ll hire you full-time? That’s so exciting!” But as she parked, she said, “That would mean you’d move to New York though, right?”
“Yeah. Right.”
We looked at each other, her expression sympathetic as I sighed. Moving states away from my hometown used to be all I wanted to do. Now, the idea was fraught with indecision.
Vincent’s words still echoed in my head.Wherever you want to be, baby.
We were walking across the parking lot toward the entrance when I heard a sharp sound of disgust. Glancing to the side, I spotted Danielle and Candace making their way in the same direction, both of them sneering toward us.