Page 51 of The Inn on Bluebell Lane
But Ellie didn’t want to talk to Gwen about it on her own. “Why don’t we talk to her?” she suggested.
He shrugged. “It’s not my idea.”
“Matt!” Ellie couldn’t keep the exasperation, as well as the hurt, from her voice. “We’re a team, aren’t we? We work together. One unit. That’s what this is meant to be about, that’s where I was going with this whole idea, that it’s something we build together.” He stared at her unhappily and Ellie gazed back with a ferocity born of love. “Don’t shut me out, please,” she said softly. “Let’s do this together.”
Matthew broke their locked gazes first. “I’m not shutting you out,” he finally responded. “At least I’m not trying to.”
“It feels like it, sometimes,” Ellie replied quietly.
“I just don’t have this vision that you seem to,” he told her, clearly trying to sound reasonable and, to Ellie, failing. “At least not yet. It’s not some big rejection of you or your idea, Ellie, just as what you said wasn’t a rejection of mine. It’s just… I didn’t think of this. You did. And so it makes more sense for you to talk to her than for me to.”
He began eating with determined relish, leaving Ellie no choice but to drop the subject and begin her own starter, mushrooms in garlic sauce that she had absolutely no interest in any longer. Her appetite had vanished. She’d really been hoping Matthew would have gotten as fired up about her idea as she was, that they could embark on this new chapter, hand in hand, together, but once again it didn’t seem like it was going to happen that way. What else could she do?
After a few rather tense moments, Matthew started talking about the kids—the football club Ben wanted to join and Josh’s science project—and, with effort, Ellie kept up her side of the conversation, injecting as much enthusiasm as she could into her voice as they discussed whether they might go away for the October half-term, or if Jess would want to try ice-skating in Cardiff. She wished their conversation had played out differently, but she was practical enough to understand why it hadn’t.
Losing his job had been a serious setback for her husband, and she needed to appreciate that, and be more patient. She just wished they could both get over it and at least start to move on—no matter what the future looked like.
CHAPTER 26
JESS
“Are you ready for this afternoon?”
Jess looked into Sophie’s expectant face and tried not to show how nervous she was, how reluctant, even though she’d agreed to audition a while back. She’d been thinking about it ever since Sophie had first mentioned it, and now that the day had actually arrived, all she felt was dread. How on earth could she stand in front of the music teacher, and who knew how many students, and sing?
“I don’t know, Sophie…” she began, and Sophie’s face fell.
“Oh, come on, you’re not going to back out now, are you? We’ve been practicing for weeks.”
“I know, and you’re brilliant,” Jess replied quickly. “Really, you are. It’s just, I’ve never sung in public before.”
“You have an amazing voice,” Sophie insisted staunchly. “And if you don’t audition, you’ll never know whether you would have been picked or not. Besides, it will only be in front of the music teacher, Mrs. Farris, and she’s really nice.”
Mrs. Farris—and anyone else who was planning to audition or drifted in to watch during the lunch hour. Jess doubted it would just be the teacher; there would be at least a handful of students, as well, watching and probably giggling behind their hands.
“I don’t know,” she said again, as she closed her locker and slung her backpack over one shoulder. “I want to, but… can I think about it a little more?”
“But we’ve signed up.” Sophie was doing her best not to look disappointed and, Jess feared, annoyed. She was backing out at the last minute; if she were Sophie, she’d be annoyed, too. “She’ll be expecting us,” she insisted. “Why not at least give it a go?”
Without meaning to, Jess glanced over her shoulder at the popular girls gathered in their tight, exclusive clique down the corridor.
Sophie followed her gaze, her mouth tightening.
“Is that why you don’t want to audition?” she demanded in a low voice. “Do you really care what they think?”
Sort of, Jess thought, but didn’t want to say so. Sophie, it seemed, was determined not to let the in crowd derail her dreams. Jess wanted to have that same determination and confidence, but she’d been at this school for less than a month. She wasn’t sure she did, not yet anyway. “I’m just not sure I’m good enough,” she said again.
“To audition? That’s the whole point, to find out if you are.” Sophie shook her head, her hands planted on her hips. “Come on, Jess. Don’t chicken out now just because of them.” She jerked her head toward the group of girls. “Do you really want to live your life in fear of people like that?”
It sounded like something her mom or dad would say. And Jess knew she didn’t—of course she didn’t—but neither did she want to be made a fool of, especially when she was so new here. She might torpedo her chance of making any more friends, and as much as she liked Sophie, she wouldn’t mind some other friends, too. She sighed and said nothing, hitching her backpack further up on her shoulder.
“Look,” Sophie began, tilting her chin up a notch, “I know I’ll never be cool, and I’m not even going to try. I don’t want to be. I just want to be myself and do my own thing, and you should, as well. My mum says those girls aren’t even happy.”
“How would she know?”
Sophie shrugged. “She’s a psychologist, so maybe she has some answers, I don’t know. But why do they have to put other people down all the time? People who are secure in themselves don’t need to do that kind of stuff.”
Which sounded like something Sophie’s mom would say, Jess thought. Easy for an adult to believe, but not so much someone her age having to face them down every day in the corridor, deal with their laughter and their sneers.