Page 44 of The Inn on Bluebell Lane
Having a friend, Jess discovered, made school just about bearable.
She hadn’t even fully realized just how utterly miserable she’d been before until she got off the bus the morning Granny was going to her first chemotherapy appointment and Sophie waved to her from across the school courtyard.
“Hey, Jess!”
Jess waved back, and Sophie fell into step beside her as they walked through the double doors. It was the first time since school started that Jess hadn’t had to walk in by herself, dreading every moment of that endless journey.
She’d figured out, since that first day last week when Sophie had found her in the music room, that her new—and only—friend wasn’t considered cool, but then neither was she. It seemed a very long time ago when she and Chloe had almost been part of the in crowd of seventh grade, if only on the fringes. Then eighth grade had come around and they’d found themselves definitely not one of the cool girls, but not total geeks, either. Now, however, she was out in the stratosphere of year nine, too irrelevant even to be considered a geek, but at least she wasn’t alone.
After she and Sophie had met in the music room, they’d seen each other a few times across the cafeteria, and although they hadn’t spoken, they’d given each other small, cautious smiles. Then, one day last week, they’d both shown up to the same lunchtime music club. Jess hadn’t been planning to go, but the teacher who had found her hiding out in the music room had told her she either had to go to a club or go outside for the lunch break, and she couldn’t stand the thought of wandering around the schoolyard alone yet again.
When she’d seen Sophie sitting at one of the tables in the classroom for the club, they’d both grinned—and their friendship had felt like it had been cemented.
“How’s your granny?” Sophie asked now as they headed inside, and Jess was touched she’d remembered; she’d only mentioned it once, after all, in part because she didn’t want to think about it too much. She might still feel like she didn’t know her grandmother all that well, but she didn’t like the thought of her having cancer. Her mom had said she thought Granny would be okay, but Jess didn’t know whether to believe her.
“She seemed okay this morning. She’s going for her first chemotherapy today, although I don’t think she’ll have side effects right away. Still, she said it was pretty treatable, so that’s good.”
Sophie nodded sympathetically. “My granddad had cancer last year. It was hard, but he got better. I hope she’ll be okay.”
“Thanks.” Jess wasn’t sure if Granny would be okay or not, no matter what she’d said about it being treatable; her mom hadn’t given her many details, and both her parents had seemed distracted when they’d talked to her about it, as they’d so often been since they’d moved to Llandrigg. They were always smiling at her in a way that didn’t reach their eyes, not that Jess was trying all that hard to smile back.
As glad as she was for Sophie’s friendship, and as much of a difference as it did make, she still missed Connecticut—and Chloe. She missed her house, and her bedroom that she hadn’t had to share with Ava, and everything about her old life—caramel lattes with her mom on Saturday morning, getting French fries on the way back from ice-skating, curling up on the sofa in the family room while her mom made dinner in the adjoining kitchen. Sometimes she’d even snuggle with Ava, watching some stupid show like Super Why, which Ava always loved.
Just thinking about it all now, as she put her stuff away in her locker, made a pressure build in her chest. Yes, having a friend made school more bearable, and she genuinely liked Sophie. Life wasn’t unendurable anymore, but… she still missed the way she’d used to be. She missed the way her whole family had used to be.
They’d been different, back in Connecticut, as a family, Jess thought. They’d been closer.
And as for Chloe… well, it hurt too much to think about Chloe.
Would she ever feel like this was home?
“Hey, look!” Sophie nudged Jess’s shoulder and pointed to a poster outside the music block.
“Lunchtime Talent Show,” Jess read, and then glanced at Sophie. “It’s not till the end of October. Do you want to go or something?”
“It’s for auditions,” Sophie explained, her eyes alight. “Why don’t we try out?”
“Try out?” Jess couldn’t help but sound alarmed. She liked singing with Sophie in the music room, but in public? Since starting at the school, she’d been trying to keep a low profile. Auditioning for a talent show seemed very risky, opening herself up to scrutiny, teasing, public humiliation. No thanks. “I don’t know…” she said hesitantly.
“You have a great voice, and I can play the piano,” Sophie insisted, hands on her hips. “I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think we had a chance. I’m not that deluded!” She grinned and then nodded at the poster. “Why not, Jess?”
Why not? Silently, Jess looked over at a tight clique of girls in their year, including the one who had teased Sophie when they’d been coming out of the music room last week. They all had shiny hair and loud laughs, the newest phones and lots of makeup.
Sophie followed her gaze. “I don’t care about them,” she stated, even as she flushed. “Do you?”
Did she? Jess didn’t even know the girls’ names. Why should she care about what they thought? And yet, what she did know was that girls like that would make fun of both her and Sophie just for trying out. It probably wouldn’t even matter if they were good or not. They were still fair game to them.
She glanced again at the poster, deep reluctance warring with the tiniest flicker of interest… and, she knew, she didn’t want to disappoint her new friend.
“I’ll think about it,” she promised.
Jess was still thinking about it when she got off the bus with Ben that afternoon. As usual, her brother raced ahead while she trudged toward Bluebell Lane alone, trying not to feel a little down. Chloe hadn’t messaged her in over a week, and yet she’d posted two new photos on Instagram this morning—both of them with Emily.
Only a few short months ago, Chloe never would have posted anything on Instagram without consulting Jess. They would have gone through every photo, agonized over the caption and hashtags, checked for any likes or comments together. Now Chloe was posting pictures with Emily, and she wasn’t even telling Jess about it. Maybe she shouldn’t even be surprised, considering she wasn’t even on the same continent anymore, and at least she had a friend now, too, but… it still hurt.
“Ben? Jess?” her mother called from the kitchen as Jess let herself into the house. “How was school?”
She asked that every single day, and every single day Jess gave the same answer. Fine. What else could she say? It wasn’t great, the way her mom wanted it to be, and if she told her about Sophie, her mom would get all dewy-eyed and ridiculous and think everything was solved, when it wasn’t. She might be friends with Sophie, but she still really missed Chloe. Her mom, Jess thought, did not want to understand that.