Page 32 of The Inn on Bluebell Lane
“I don’t think Ellie is angry,” Gwen replied. “Worried for you, perhaps. But it wasn’t your fault you were made redundant. It was a company reorganization.” Or so Matthew had told her.
He shook his head as if to deny the truth of her words. “Yes, but if I’d been better at my job, it wouldn’t have been cut. I wouldn’t have been one of the first to go.”
“I don’t know about that,” Gwen answered, “but life is full of disappointments. Things happens, things that hurt. They can send you reeling, and that’s all right—you need to take the time to recover, reassess, which you have. The important thing is to get back up again, whatever way you can, and having your family around you to help you do it is a huge blessing.” In case she sounded like she was lecturing him, she added quietly, “But I know it’s hard. Very hard—harder than I can imagine.” She needed to take the same advice, she knew, in regards to her diagnosis. “Have you talked to Ellie about it?”
Matthew sighed. “Sort of.”
What did that mean? Matthew and Ellie hadn’t, Gwen realized, spent too much time together since arriving at Bluebell Inn. She’d assumed it was because of Matthew’s determination to get going with the renovation, but maybe it was something else. Something deeper.
“Well, I think you should,” she said firmly. “She’s your wife, and she loves you—”
“She’s disappointed in me.”
“Has she said so?” Gwen demanded with some asperity. “Or are you projecting that onto her? Don’t wallow in self-pity, darling. You’ve had a setback, but you can get up again, and there are plenty of willing hands around to help pull you back up, Ellie’s included.” Hands that would help her in time, she hoped, but clearly now was not the time to talk about all that.
“I know,” Matthew said. “And I am thankful for them, and you, Mum. I really am.” He gave her a quick smile, his eyes still shadowed. “I’m sorry I sound so down. But I’m worried about everything, as well. The children don’t seem to be settling in as well as I’d hoped. You think they’d be fine, they’re young enough, but Jess seems so withdrawn, and Josh is so quiet. Ben seems okay, and Ava is little enough, but… I don’t know. It feels like a lot, more than I thought it would. I know Ellie is worried about them, too, and she’s probably angry with me for dragging us all over here. I don’t think she’s very happy here, to tell you the truth.” An unhappy sigh escaped him as he shook his head.
“Isn’t she?” Gwen felt another pang of guilt. Her relationship with Ellie felt so fraught and confused sometimes, she kept forgetting how difficult her daughter-in-law must be finding this transition. “It’s still early days. Give them all time. And I really think you should talk to Ellie… about everything. She loves you, Matthew, and she wants you to confide in her. I’m sure about that.”
“I know, but it didn’t help matters that I put a big hole in the ceiling, did it?” He shook his head.
“Perhaps not, but John said there was some rot we didn’t know about, so, really, it’s a blessing in disguise.” Gwen gave him a purposefully stern look, reminiscent of when he’d been a sulky teen. “Now, it’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself, Matthew Davies. You’ve got an adoring family and, thanks to John, a solid roof over your head. You have much to be thankful for. Start counting your blessings!”
Matthew gave her a sheepish smile, his expression thankfully lightening. “I know, Mum. I will.”
“And you’ll talk to Ellie?”
“Yes, when we find a moment.”
“Let’s make sure you do, then.” Gwen paused before continuing, her tone softer, “I know this is difficult, and it’s so challenging when life… when it doesn’t turn out the way you’d hoped.” She swallowed hard, thinking of her own situation. “But you’ve got loads to keep you going, you really do.”
“I know I do.” He reached out to touch her arm. “Actually, I wasn’t intending to go into all of that just now, although I guess it needed to come out. What I really wanted to say was, I’m sorry for rushing ahead with ideas about en suites and a fitness center—”
“A fitness center?” Gwen raised her eyebrows. “You hadn’t got around to mentioning that. Where on earth would we put it?”
“I was thinking we could renovate one of the barns. But the point is, I didn’t consult you about any of it. I just took over. I suppose I… I wanted to feel like I had a job again. I wanted to feel in charge of something.”
“Oh, love.” Gwen squeezed his hand. “Of course you did.”
“But this is your house, Mum, and the B&B was yours and Dad’s dream. I don’t want to take that away from you, or turn it into something it’s not meant to be.”
“You haven’t,” she assured him. “And you won’t. This is something we can do together, Matthew, and that will involve collaboration and compromise. That’s what I want.”
He smiled and nodded. “I want that, too.”
“Good. But, I have to say, there will be no fitness center in the barn.” She spoke sternly, and Matthew laughed.
“No fitness center,” he agreed, and with a smile Gwen rose from her seat.
Now, she acknowledged with an inward sigh, was definitely not the time to mention her diagnosis. But when would she?
CHAPTER 18
JESS
“What are you doing?”
Guiltily, Jess looked up from the keyboard she’d been messing about on. She’d taken to hiding in the music rooms during the hour-long lunch break, just to avoid the sheer awfulness of wandering around alone while everyone in her year clustered in tight little groups, laughing and chatting. Now she looked up as a tall girl with straight, brown hair, glasses, and an uncertain, inquisitive smile came into the room.