Page 91 of Soup Sandwich

I won’t. I’m going to fuck her rough like this, punish her body, and push it to its limit, and then after, I’m going to bring her upstairs and fuck her nice and slow until she loses her mind over me the way I’ve lost mine over her.

With my other hand tight in her hair, holding her body firmly, I fuck her wild. Driving into her until she’s screaming and begging and every muscle in my body is ready to snap.

“Fuck. Layla!”

“Yes!” she screams and then she’s coming, so hard and so loud, her body seizing up and clamping down on me, and I lose it, coming harder than I ever have before as I spill everything I have into her.

All of me.

My cum, my sweat, my body, my blood, my love.

All of it is now hers. And it’ll stay hers. Even when she walks away from me.

26

Layla fell asleep after we showered, only instead of lying in bed beside her, holding her against me, I’m pacing the upstairs hallway in the middle of the night. Noelle St. Nick sent me a text around nine-thirty, telling me that the girls were snuggled up in bed together, sleeping soundly. So this isn’t about Katy.

No. It’s about the woman in my bed.

The woman I foolishly agreed I’d fuck and keep it at that. Except I’m more than simply attached.

I’m in love.

Words I know better than to use with her, but why the fuck does she feel she has to walk away from me when this arrangement is over? Why is she so against being with me for real?

I get it. We have challenges. And yes, we should stay a secret at the school for obvious reasons. There are four more weeks left in the semester, but then I’m no longer her professor. That timing coincides with the end of her summer in the emergency department—so again, our restrictions aren’t so restrictive at that point.

Is it because I have Katy? Is it because she’s still in love with Patrick? Is it because he hurt her, and she doesn’t want to get hurt again? Is it that she likes to fuck me but doesn’t feel a tenth for me of what I feel for her? Is it the differences in our ages and positions in life? Does she honestly believe she can’t have it all—a life with me and school and a career?

I don’t know.

All those questions—those mounting questions that are relentlessly blaring through my ears like a fire alarm are what have me pacing. I don’t know if I should say something to her because saying something to her will likely make her run, but on the other hand, I don’t know how to continue feeling this way about her while acting like I don’t.

I agreed to casual sex. I told her I’d try. What a fucking idiot I am.

I’ve never been in love before, and instead of exalting in it, I’m wrecked with the knowledge that I will lose this love, and I know I’ll never be able to find one like this again. It’s her. It’s Layla.

And right now, that sucks.

Since this incredible woman entered my life and my brother and sister-in-law died, leaving behind their little girl, nervousness seems to be my baseline. I’m either terrified I’m going to scare Layla off by coming on too strong or terrified I’m going to lose Katy.

How can everything feel like it’s coming together while simultaneously falling apart?

My hands run through my hair, and I blow out an aggravated breath, falling against the wall and leaning heavily into it. I need sleep. I’m half tempted to text Ash or Grey because both of them would make me laugh and tell me to regrow my balls or remove them from Layla’s purse or something along those lines.

They’d be right to say that, and I’d listen and get my shit together.

Well, Ash would. Grey might not since he’s all about love lately now that he’s with Fallon.

The door to my bedroom creaks open, and Layla’s curious head pops out into the dark. She doesn’t immediately notice me as she squints in the direction of the stairs as if searching for a light downstairs that would explain my absence in bed.

“Hey,” I say in a low voice, and she startles, clearly not expecting me to be lingering in the dark hallway in the middle of the night.

“Crap on a stick, you scared me.” She puffs out a breath, covering her heart with her hand. “I was worried when I woke up and you weren’t there. Is everything okay? Did something happen with Katy?”

“No.”

I take a few steps in her direction, unsure of my course or intention.