Page 42 of Journey to Cheshire Bay
The breeze rippled his hair after he ran his hand through it, but his lips stayed firmly shut.
“We need to go. Your grandparents are waiting, and I have a flight to catch.”
Remembering the way back to the holding deck, I dragged myself down to the end-to-end line of vehicles on the deck below, and maneuvering between the cars, stood in front of ours.
A signal from the remote unlocked the doors, and I slid into the warmth of the interior. No breeze in here. No crisp ocean air either. Rather, it hinted of the apple-scented conditioner I’d used this morning, after my shower, after using the third and final condom.
Silently, Holden slipped behind the wheel and started the car just enough to put the radio on.
Some form of a cosmic joke was upon us, as once again the Goo Goo Dolls songIriscame on. Immediately, I pounded the off button and fought the incoming wave of tears.
The gentle swaying of the boat came to a stop as we docked at the northern tip of Victoria. It was time to deboard the ferry and head to my next destination - the airport leading me to my new home and away from Holden de Lauer.
One by one, the vehicles drove off the boat and onto the ramp, until we joined them and headed away from what had been the most incredible journey I’d ever been on.
Barely on the island, it was easy to remark on the physical differences between the mainland and here. The landscape was filled with towering trees and serenity instead of high-rises and a bustling metropolis feel. Holden had warned me how different the island was, and he was right. My own personal feelings were also as different.
We passed a marina – a tiny town named Sidney – and before I had any time to truly prepare for the separation, we’d quickly turned off the main road on approach to the airport. Just like that, my time with Holden was done.
It hurt to breathe.
Splinters formed across my heart.
My vision blurred as he drove over to the loading zone in front of the building and shut the engine down.
Silent as he’d been since the ferry, he hopped out at the same time as I did and met me at the trunk.
First my suitcase, then my backpack, he set them on the ground and kicked at the pebbles scattered around.
Unsure of how to end things, I inhaled slowly, taking a long lingering look at my travel companion. Rather than embrace him in a hug of a lifetime, like every fiber of my being suggested, I thrust out my hand to shake his.
Holden stared wide-eyed. “Seriously?”
I nodded while making a tight fist with my left hand, and again, deeply dug my nails into my palms. Feeling the sharp, stinging pain was preferable to the unrelenting aches stabbing me in the chest. “It’s better this way.”
“You’re actually serious?” He didn’t even blink.
I shrugged and took a backwards step. If I didn’t act fast, the dam was going to burst all down my face and turn me into a blubbering mess, and I couldn’t leave us looking so wrecked. “You and I both know this was all because of the situation. Imagine if we hadn’t encountered the smoke – we both know we wouldn’t be standing here.”
“That’s the beauty of this thing we call life. Sometimes it throws a huge kink into your plans. Especially the ones you can do nothing to change.” He sent a pebble flying across the parking lot.
I grabbed my backpack and flung it over my shoulder where it smacked me in the back. “What can’t you change? Why do you keep saying shit like that?”
His body went ramrod straight, and he avoided looking at me. Even his voice and tone changed to something cold and heartless. “You’re right, okay. We happened as a product of our circumstances. It would’ve never happened otherwise. A girl like you, a guy like me, in the real world–” He waved a hurtful finger between us. “This doesn’t happen.”
“But…” I swallowed as the single word dangled in the air.
This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be.
Crevasses replaced the cracks, and the bigger the split, the more the pain rippled through.
I inhaled sharply and tried my damnedest to make my words light and cheerful, even if feeling them was the furthest thing from the truth. “Maybe, one day, you’ll be able to look back on this time with a smile, and not such a detached obligation, like I’m suddenly getting from you. You’ll be able to tell your grandkids all about your weekend travel escapades to this amazing new job you’d waited your whole life for, and all the big dreams you’d planned, and maybe you’ll sit in your rocker on your front porch in a glossed over glaze wonderingwhatever happened to that girl? In a few months, weeks, or even days, you’ll forget all about me, and you’ll forget my name. I’ll be this mere speck of time in your life.”
He took a step back and swayed slightly while rubbing his forehead and shaking his head.
“And that’s okay. I’ll be okay with that.” I nodded, as if I needed to do so to honestly believe it myself. “It’s all I am, just a faded memory to most people. A chapter of a book they’d rather never read again.”
His voice broke, and he reached for me. “That’s not true at all. You’re a book I want to know more about. I’d still be in Calgary if you hadn’t suggested the car.”