Page 32 of Journey to Cheshire Bay
“You are.”
I stared at the base of his wine glass, gnawing desire wrapping its spiraled tentacles around my soul. “I’m a mess of epic proportions. Never had my head on straight, and I’ll never amount to anything.”
“That’s not true. You just don’t believe in yourself.”
I shrugged. “Hard to believe in myself when everyone tells me I’m worthless, and I have the endless qualifications to back it up. A high school dropout. A homeless piece of trash.”
“You’re homeless?”
I avoided his sympathetic half-grin. “My car was my home. Until the accident.”
“Wow.”
“All I literally have is what’s in your car.” I hung my head.
One suitcase with a few pieces of secondhand clothes and even fewer personal effects. Not even enough to fill a vehicle. That’s what my life was worth now.
Stroking my hand from knuckle to fingertip soothed my rapidly fraying nerves. How did he manage to calm me? Was it the gentle touch? The compassion in his eyes?
“Having problems doesn’t make you a bad person - it makes you real. Yes, your problems are kind of a big deal, but there are ways of tackling them and setting yourself up for success.”
“You sound like a therapist.”
He chuckled. “Ah, so you’ve met one?”
It made a weak smile pop out, and I lifted my hand, splaying my fingers. “Foster home number fourteen. It was part of the deal of going there. Weekly visits with Dr. Brain Picker.”
“How long did you go?”
A light breeze swirled, and a shudder washed over me.
“Until my foster mother kicked me out a month later. Teenage girls with high hormones and no moral standards weren’t allowed to live in her home.”
It was a surprise to no one when I came home from school and saw my social worker at the front door. I gathered the few things I hadn’t taken to school, and ten minutes later we were off to another temporary place.
“It is what it is.” It wasn’t like I could turn back the clock or anything. “I’m really looking forward to staying with my cousin. She travels quite a bit and says it would be me doing her the favour if I stayed at her place and kept it from falling apart. She runs the local pub there.” Nothing like facing your demons head on, right? But she had faith in me, more than was warranted, however, I wasn’t going to let her down. Or at least, try my best.
“So, you do have family?” A smirk stretched across his lips.
“No, not really. Amber’s not a blood relative or anything, at least not to me. Sort of a long story, but she’s the cousin of one of the foster families I stayed with. Amber and I chatted and exchanged emails, and eventually, she became a friend. She knew bits and pieces about what was going on in my life and told me her door was always open, even though it was across the country. After a bit of soul searching, right after the accident, I called her up, asked if that offer was still on the table, and here I am on my way to meet her in real life.”
“See, you’re already sowing the seeds of success. You reached out for help.”
“I guess.” I picked at the edge of the foil wrapper, folding it, and pressing a firm crease along its length.
“That had to have been incredibly hard.”
“Are you sure you’re not the therapist? You sound like one.” I cocked an eyebrow and picked up my wrap for another bite.
“Then I’d better stop. I get the impression you don’t like many medical professionals and I’d hate for you to start disliking me, especially when we’re becoming friends.” He patted my hand and chased down his wine.
“Is that what we are?” I cocked an eyebrow as I lowered my head. This time I was digging. I wanted more. Was he saying it out of compassion, or because he meant it? I hoped for the second one because, aside from the medical professionals and the cops, I hadn’t told a soul what had happened that night. Even Amber didn’t have all the details.
“Like I said on the plane, you’ll always have a friend in me.”
The theme song from a kid’s movie played in my head, and I started laughing as I heard the words.
“Was what I said funny?” He pushed himself up to a stand and stretched out his back.