Page 24 of Triplets for the Dark Elf

The words are on the tip of my tongue. I know what he wants me to say back, and I can almost hear him begging me to call himmon lutin.Those two words are lodged in my throat, and I don’t know how I will be able to get anything out around them.

“Because I am a human. Lowtowns is where we live.”

His shoe scuffs as he takes another step toward me, and I go rigid. I turn my head slowly to see the distance he’s taken away – and with it, my resolve. “That’s not where you lived.”

“It’s where I live now,” I snap, the harshness feeling wrong on my tongue. But if I don’t dissolve into the anger I’ve felt for so long because I was forced away from him, then I will crack. And I’d rather him see me as distanced and angry than what I really am.

Heartbroken and desperate.

“Why?” One word that I feel like a stab to my heart.

And I know there is only one way to end this. It kills me as soon as I think the words that will send him away because the last thing I want is for Miothro not to want me. But Ihaveto do this. I have to protect him. He would do it for me. Fuck, he did do it for me.

And for him, I’d do anything.

Including ripping my heart out and throwing it at his feet like I’m about to.

“I needed to get away from you.”

His ragged inhale cuts deep. “I didn’t realize…that you felt that way.” I nod, staring at a spot in the distance as my eyes cloud over with tears again. Fuck, I hate this! “I…” He chuckles, though it’s such a sad sound I’d rather him yell at me. “I missed you. All these years, I’ve missed you.”

He takes two more steps forward, and my body starts to tremble. With fear or anticipation, I don’t know. But if he closes the distance between us, I will lose it. I won’t be strong enough to fight him with his arms around me.

I barely am now.

“I searched for you every day, Annalise. I’ve been so worried about what happened.”

I can feel my composure cracking. Everything I did to protect him, everything I’ve put myself through, it is all about to be worthless if I let myself fall against him. I want Miothro to protect me, to love me, but in this world, I can’t have what I want.

And I have to be strong enough to withstand that.

“Worried about what?” I snap, and I hate the way the words feel like they are slicing my throat as they come out. My body is begging me not to do this. “Wasting your money?”

Miothro flinches, stumbling back a step. Good, distance. That’s what we need. Even if it’s the last thing I want.

“What? No–”

“Face it,” I bite out, feeling unshed tears drip down my throat. “You bought my contract so you could do what you want with me. You’re no different than the other elves. You owned me and you used me for sex and now you’re here, surprised that I left.” His jaw drops open, and I keep going, not letting him get a word in. “You searched every day for the perfect toy you picked out, but don’t lie and say it was more than that.” My bottom lip trembles as I threaten to break. “You missed your compliant servant. That’s all I was to you.”

I’m not sure who my words hurt more. Me or him. His face goes slack, his eyes widen. Every emotion he feels seems to pass through his expression, and I know him so well, I see it acutely.

But I don’t know if the guilt and pain I feel can compare to the loathing already rippling through my body.I’m doing this for him,I remind myself as I ball my shaking hands.I’m doing this for him.I blink furiously against the tears that are looking for an escape.I’m doing this for him.I suck in deep breaths to keep my sobs at bay.

And all the while, I watch Miothro crumble. The strong dark elf that wouldn’t back down from anyone else stumbles against the nearest wall, putting his hand out to catch himself like I physically attacked him.

I wish he would have yelled at me. I wish he would have told me I was right or I wasn’t worth the time or something, anything. It would all be better than this.

Because right now, I feel like I just shattered my soul. And I don’t know how I am going to keep living after this.

“It’s best if you leave.”

I turn down the alley toward Lucy’s house, and immediately, the tears start to fall. I manage to make it another corner before I crumble to the ground, curling into myself and sobbing until the tears refuse to come and I’m dry heaving.

Even then, it doesn’t feel enough to cleanse myself from the pain I just caused.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to ever rid my body of that feeling. But it is worth it. Because Miothro is safe, and for that, I will do anything.

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