Page 43 of Heart of Sin

“Lou—”

“Nik,” I growl, sounding much older than I am, “close your eyes. Go back to sleep.”

For your own good.

I wish I could close my eyes and pretend I didn’t know what was going on.

Nothing works when I try keeping my mind off it.

Baseball. School. Girls. Video games.

I end up in the same place every time—pure hatred burning me up for the deadbeat who left us penniless.

He abandoned us like we were trash and forced us to live like this.

Nikki sneezes from the backseat. I go to dial up the heat in the car, but it’s already on full blast. It sputters out weaker and weaker as days go by. Like everything else we own, it’s old and on its last leg. If we lose the car, then we’ll really be in trouble.

Cragen’s such a cold jerk, he doesn’t pay Ma until after he’s decided she’s earned it. He doesn’t give a damn if it means her kids freeze in the car; he says it’smotivation.

One day, I’m gonna do something real bad to him. When I’m bigger, stronger, and I’m able to, I’m going to make him pay for what he’s doing to us.

Him and the deadbeat.

I’ve sworn I’m gonna track him down.

He’s gonna regret the day he ever left his family.

My hands ball up into fists, and these are the violent thoughts that I distract myself with for the next hour.

Eventually, the door to Room 204 opens. The truckers emerge looking like they’ve had a full night’s sleep. I glare at them as they leave the motel behind and cross over to the diner next-door.

The anger twists deeper inside me ’til I’m tempted to do something kinda crazy—I want to unlock the car door and go after them. Use this taser to make them suffer.

I’m just a kid.

They’d kick my ass.

I’d put up one hell of a fight, but… I’d probably lose. I’d only cause more trouble for Ma.

I resist the urge by breathing through my nostrils and shifting my focus to Nikki.

My kid sister’s finally listened. She’s passed out in the backseat, bunched up in her sleeping bag.

Good.

Ma approaches the car. She gets within fifteen feet before I notice. I jump in my seat and then feel a wave of relief.

’Til I see she’s limping. ’Til I see the pink marks on her skin.

I quickly unlock the driver side door.

“Hey, Louie,” she says shakily with a small smile. She passes me a chocolate bar. “Half for you. Half for your sister.”

“What about you, Ma? What… happened?”

“I’ll be alright. Cragen’s getting the room.”

“He… he didn’t give you any money?”