Page 80 of Barbarian

Benton looked at me furiously before he shut the door in my face. He was gone for a while before he opened the door and walked out with me. “What is it?”

“Laura’s pregnant.”

Benton stopped in the middle of the sidewalk.

That was the first time I’d said it out loud—and it was painful.

“Is she with another guy?”

I shook my head.

“So, it’s yours.”

“Yeah…it’s mine.” I knew I’d been the only man in her life since we met. “That last conversation we had makes sense now. She wouldn’t agree not to have kids…because she was already having a kid.”

Benton studied my face. “She wanted to know how you really felt.”

I closed my eyes, thinking about all the horrible shit I’d said while my kid was growing in her body at that very moment. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.”

“She gave you an out. Gave you a chance to walk away without feeling guilty about it.”

“She must have known I’d figure it out eventually.”

“But you could always pretend that you hadn’t. Could ignore it. Never have a conversation about it.”

“I told her if we ever had a kid I wouldn’t spend a single moment with it…”

Benton was as hard as I was, and even he raised his eyebrows slightly. “Then she did you a favor, Bartholomew.”

“I guess she did…” I stared down the street, spinning in free fall even though my feet were firmly rooted to the ground.

Benton continued to watch me. “Now you can really move on from her.”

Could I?

Benton slid his hands into his pockets as he stared at my profile.

“What the fuck do I do?”

“Move on.”

“I can’t do that to her.” Could I really abandon my child the way my father had abandoned me? Could I let her be a single mother?

“I don’t think you have a choice now.”

I looked at him head on.

“You made it very clear what you want, Bartholomew. She’ll know you’re only doing it because she’s pregnant—and that’s not what she wants.”

“Then I’ll convince her otherwise.”

“You’d be lying.”

If I abandoned her, she’d be on her own, juggling work and childcare. She might meet someone else, and that man would be a stepfather to my child. Probably wouldn’t love them the way he would love his own kids. My kid would always be second best—because I’d chosen to be a coward. “No…I wouldn’t be.”

27

LAURA