Page 29 of The Dark Elf's Secret Baby

Should I tell him the truth? It feels wrong to lie to Jasper. I try to always tell him the truth, so he feels like he can tell me the truth too. But I can’t reveal this to my son before I’ve even had a chance to tell Kerym. Do I even want to tell him?

Part of me does. Part of me imagined every day what it would be like to tell Kerym that we have a child. I want to know if he wants our son as much as I did. I want to be a big happy family with him.

But that’s silly and frivolous. It’s not going to happen. I feel so stuck. What do I do?

I glance down, realizing I’ve been lost in my head for a minute and am about to say something to Jasper when I realize he’s fallen asleep.

Oh thank the gods. I don’t have to figure out what I’m going to tell him just yet. I can take a minute to breathe.

Easing away from his side, I tuck him under the covers and make sure his room is nice and dark before sneaking my way out and down the hall, down the stairs to the kitchen.

I pull out a bottle of wine and pour myself a large glass, needing it after the day that I’ve had. There’s no way that it’s entirely a coincidence Kerym showed up here. I have to figure out why he’s here and what he wants from me. What is he doing?

And why is my heart pounding so hard just from one glimpse of him? He’s still the same, but there’s a more self-assured air to him. I saw him in the Lieutenant uniform. He’s been promoted. It looks good on him, I have to admit.

What am I going to tell Jasper? What am I going to tell Kerym? Do I have to tell either of them anything about the other? Jasper knows his daddy is far away, maybe I can still leave it at that for now.

I’m settling down on the sofa to have my glass of my wine and maybe read a book when there’s a knock at the door. My heart stops beating.

Could it be?

18

Kerym

Iwant to see her. I need to see her. It takes me little effort to look up which house she’s in on the documents and I decide that evening to go to her. I still have to get through so much stupid paperwork and then have my meeting with the overseer. He wants to take me on an even bigger tour tomorrow, to show me more of the villages and the town itself.

I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Finally, when it seems like I can’t possibly file another form or write another letter, I realize I’ve reached the end of my stack of paperwork.

Layla’s house awaits. I clean myself up as best I can, changing out of my Lieutenant’s uniform into something more plain and simple.

As I head out, walking through the cobblestone streets, I think about the last time I did this. When I went to her house only to find out she was gone, like a thief in the night. My heart aches. Yearning bubbles inside me, like a spring with a crack. It feels as though every step closer that I get, my throat constricts tighter and breathing gets harder.

She looked so good. Like she was healthy. Is she healthy? Is she taking care of herself?

The bungalows are in neat little rows, separated by a stone path. Outside the path is sand and neatly manicured tropical plants of red and orange.

The bungalows themselves are made of wood, with sturdy thatched roofs and large windows. A porch wraps around the front and some are a single story tall while others are two stories.

I arrive at Layla’s and immediately recognize it as hers. There’s a seashell wind-chime hanging off the balcony that tinkles in the gentle breeze. A bucket and shovel lay sprawled out on the porch in the corner. There’s a shawl hanging off the rocker that I recall Amara made for her.

I stand outside her door, glancing around. No one can see me. I don’t know if I’m grateful for the privacy or wish that I a neighbor would ask me what I’m doing and give me a chance to coward out again.

I’m glad I didn’t bring anything with me this time. Last time I made a fool out of myself in front of Layla’s cousin. She pushed me away and I felt so stupid. I wish I’d had the courage to push back then, to demand answers. I wish I’d been brave enough to say something before Layla left.

My hand rises, poised over the wood to knock...but I can’t bring myself to go through with it. There’s so much distance between us. Will she tell me to leave, to get off her property? Or will she be happy to see me?

What will she say when she sees me?

The second the door opens, all thoughts fly out of my head. I stare at her. There she is. Two and a half years...and there she is, in all her glory. Her hair halos out around her face, looking even more curly and free here. I lick my lips, drinking in the sight of her. She looks somehow even better here than she did on Tlouz.

All of a sudden I wish Ihadbrought something with me. My chest feels tight and I can’t stop staring. It feels wrong to show up empty-handed. Like I should have brought her a giant bouquet of flowers or something.

Instead of letting me in, or looking happy to see me, she slips out the door and onto her porch with me, shutting it behind her. She wraps her arms around herself, looking at me expectantly.

There’s so much to say to her. I want to tell her I love her. I want to tell her I’m sorry it took me so long to realize, too long. To ask about the horrible disease and how it’s progressing. I want to know if I can make things better for her. Easier.