Page 16 of The Dark Elf's Secret Baby
“Do you want company when you go to turn the paperwork in?” Amara asks as she strokes my hair.
“I don’t need to go to the Lieutenant,” I tell her, sniffling. “But thanks for offering. Nicola said she would turn in her part of the paperwork and all I have to do is show up at his office this afternoon for my new orders.”
“Alright then,” she says, swinging her legs around to stand up again. “I’m going to make lunch. Do you feel up to eating?”
“Now that I don’t feel sick anymore, I’m actually ravenous,” I tell her truthfully. She giggles and leaves while I stay in bed and think everything over.
If I’m leaving, I have to tell Kerym, right? Or maybe I don’t. Will he even notice I’m gone? He might notice but he’ll be disappointed for a few days before finding some other pretty girl to warm his bed, I’m sure.
I can’t tell him anyway. His family would never approve of us. And he’s got grand ambitions. I’ll just get in the way of that. It’s better if I just disappear quietly. Our baby might not know his father but I can love our child enough for both of us.
A smile creeps across my face as I think about the little life that’s nestled itself away inside me, growing and becoming a whole person in there.
It’s amazing. Maybe it’s a sign from the cosmos. Or a gift. Something that shows me that I’m destined for more than eking out a meager life in the mines here on Tlouz.
My mind wanders to the idea of traveling to Zerva. I’ve never traveled anywhere before. I suppose I traveled from Orthani to Tlouz as a baby but that’s it. I’ve never seen any of the world outside of the mining camps here.
My baby will be able to see more of the world too. The thought has me nearly bouncing in my seat. I wonder if I’ll have a boy or a girl. Some part of me wouldn’t mind a girl but I also can’t help imagining a little boy, with Kerym’s violet eyes.
Even if I can’t be with him, at least I’ll be able to take a piece of him wherever I go. I’ll always have that part of him now, that special gift.
Amara comes back to tell me that lunch is ready and I get out of bed and join her for a hearty vegetable soup. She even cut up extra slices of thick, brown bread for me, insisting that I eat her share of the bread for the baby’s sake.
I’m going to miss my family when I leave. I know I’ve been standoffish with Amara lately but she really is like a sister to me. I can’t imagine not seeing her every day. I start crying again halfway through the meal.
“I’m sorry,” I say between sobs. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“I don’t want you to leave me either,” Amara has tears in her eyes too, which makes me feel a little better at not being the only one crying. “But you’re doing the right thing for the baby. Raising a kid here...it’s no life. Even I know that, and I don’t have any current plans of leaving mom and dad.”
“I’m going to miss Aunt Leandra and Uncle Jethro too,” I tell her. “You’ll explain things to them, right?”
I know I will likely be shipped out as soon as I head to the Lieutenant’s office. I won’t have much time to pack or say my goodbyes. Nicola said that there are guards shipping out today and I’ll likely be sent off with them.
“Of course I will,” Amara insists. “I’m sorry you can’t tell them yourself.” She comes over and gives me a tight hug.
It’s hard though. It’s hard saying goodbye to everyone and everything I’ve ever known. I can’t imagine not eating Aunt Leandra’s hotcakes every rest day. Or helping Uncle Jethro till the small garden in the back. I don’t even want to imagine how I’ll get on without Amara watching my back.
“I know I’m doing the right thing. I’m just sorry I have to say goodbye,” I tell her as we hug.
After lunch, Layla helps me pack my few possessions and gives me more bread for the journey.
“Be safe,” she says, hugging me once more.
I give one last look to the house before I head off to the Lieutenant’s office.
11
Kerym
“Layla, I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long… No.” I shake my head, dragging my hands down my face as I pace the length of my front room. “Layla, I think it’s time…” I scrunch my face up. “No.”
Sighing, I throw my hands against the door dropping my head as I push back to try and relieve some of the tension in my back. I’ve been at this for hours, between trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words to flopping on my bed and wallowing in my own predicament. It’s laughable, honestly, that I could be reduced to a puddle like this – by a human no less – and yet… She is the only one who can do this to me.
There is no doubt that I love Layla. No doubt in my mind that all I want on this godsforsaken planet is to have her as mine, to take her away and protect her. I’d give up everything – my station, my dreams, my life – for her. I’d do whatever it took for her.
And that is a stupid thing to feel for someone who might be just a hookup.
“Gods,” I groan. “I’m such an idiot.”