Page 13 of Touch of Hate
Is she fucking serious?
Surprise almost takes my breath away. Is she determined to miss the point? “Scarlet, that’s not—”
“I understand.” There’s an impish quality to her smile now. “It’ll be our secret. I would never forgive myself if I got you into trouble, and I know you don’t want me getting in trouble, either. You have to know I’d be in just as much shit as you if Dad found out.”
Somehow, I think I’d get the lion’s share of Xander’s wrath, followed by Quinton’s. “I don’t know about that.”
“Don’t worry.” She laughs lightly, the sound like that of someone coming to full understanding after wandering in darkness. “I won’t let anything happen to you; the way I know you’d never let anything happen to me.”
“You’re way off on this,” I manage to grit out.
Why does she have to be this beautiful? Trusting and infuriating and sweet and as fresh as a ripe, juicy peach begging me to sink my teeth in. Even more so when she sways, leaning in closer, brushing her tits against my chest.
“Am I?” she whispers, the sound carrying understanding far beyond her years. “The bulge between us tells me something else.” Her knowing eyes lower to my crotch, where, of course, the evidence of my desire is plain and clear.
Before I can come up with some stupid excuse, she pats my chest gently.
“Like I said. Our little secret.”
“That’s not how it is, Scar.”
My heart sinks completely when she winks before finally taking mercy and turning away, her hips swaying enticingly as she strolls inside.
“Sure. Keep telling yourself that, Ren.”
Leaving me barely able to stay on my feet, uncertain of what just happened.
I only know it was painful enough to keep my hands off her when I thought I was alone in this insane lust that’s sprung up.
Now? My life has become more impossible to navigate than ever.
I did my best. I tried as hard as I could.
And I failed. Just as I failed River tonight.
That failure reverberates in my head like a gong as I cut a quick, silent path through halls I’ll never walk again. I failed in every way possible. Now, all that’s left to do is live with my failure. Alone.
The helicopter waits when I reach the surface and step out into the darkness. Cold air stings my face and turns my breath into a cloud. Has Q been found yet? How long will it take for him to figure out it was me?
If he doesn’t put it together on his own, he surely will once it’s clear I’m not returning. Once he attempts to contact me and gets nowhere. Years of experience have left me with an understanding of the way his mind works. The process of elimination will leave only one possible culprit.
It will hurt him, my betrayal. I can live with it in light of the bigger picture, not to mention the fact that I spared his life when I wasn’t supposed to. He doesn’t know that, but I can comfort myself with the knowledge. My next thought makes my heart clench in my chest.
How is this going to hurt Scarlet?
I don’t need to ask myself that one. There she was, thinking I was some noble hero. If tonight’s chain of events doesn’t destroy the last of her illusions, I don’t know what will.
No doubt, family loyalty will turn her against me, which is how it should be. I was never going to be the man she fooled herself into thinking I was.
Perhaps that will comfort me in the lonely times to come. Telling myself I only cut bonds that should never have been forged. That it’s for the best if she hates me.
Anger with myself—with the world and all its unfairness—leaves me grunting as I buckle the seat restraints. I wouldn’t be in this position if it wasn’t for how ugly and cruel the world can be.
What I did—almost did—is nothing compared to what was done to me, to us. I didn’t strike the first blow.
None of this is my fault.
Is that River’s voice in my head, rationalizing my actions? Or my own?