Page 68 of Blush

“Good enough.” He leads me over to the line of stationary bikes, chooses an unoccupied one, and makes some settings on the computer. “Go ahead. I’ve got you set for half an hour. It’s a pretty easy setting, but your heart rate should go up nicely.”

“All right.” I hop on the bike and start pedaling.

And then I really remember how much I hate working out at the gym and how boring stationary bikes are.

Which leads my thoughts—of course—back to Jackson. What is he doing this afternoon?

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jackson

Back at my place, I think again about what happened with Blossom. I’ve never lost it like that before, and I’m not sure I can go back to the club until I figure out what’s going on in my own head.

Playing squash with Ben this morning didn’t help.

Running into Mandy and her sister at the juice barreallydidn’t help.

What’s going on with me?

I went to Mandy’s last night because she has always been my safe space. But can she truly be my safe space when I’ve kept such a significant part of my life from her? She knows now. Hell, I took her to Black Rose. I’m the one who thought I could scare her off random hookups forever, and she’d never know it was me.

Instead? She recognized me immediately, and she embraced it.

Embraced this part of me.

But we didn’t do anything. I didn’t do anything dark to her. I only thought about it. And damn, it was good. That simple sex with Mandy—it was good.

I haven’t been able to admit it to myself until now, but it wasgood.

Is it possible itwasn’ta mistake?

Could Mandy…

“No,” I say out loud. I can’t bring Mandy into my scene. She won’t understand, and she’ll ask a lot of questions.

Questions aren’t a bad thing. I had a lot of questions myself, and I found some of the answers at Black Rose. I’m still searching for the rest of the answers. It’s about the journey, after all.

Could Black Rose be part of Mandy’s journey? CouldIbe?

Maybe I’m…

In love with her. You’re in love with her, Jackson.

I ignore the words of my inner voice.

I’m not in love with Mandy. I can’t be.

Why not?

Because we don’t fit together that way.

Don’t you?

And then I hurl backward in time, remembering…

…

I’m ready to leave for college, and I’m going far away—so far away that I won’t be coming home until Thanksgiving. My D-II football scholarship awaits me, and I’m psyched.