Page 88 of Turn Me On
I take a big, thirsty gulp, and my goddamn brain freezes again. But I don’t let on. I ignore the pain. “Mmm. Makes me feel like I’m on a tropical island,” I say, since apparently I like being a dick tonight.
Maddox looks away. Vance chuckles.
A few seconds later, Priyam arrives. I’m more relieved than I expected to be to see him. I don’t have to fake a damn thing around the older gentleman. He is kind. He is warm, and I mean every word from the bottom of my heart when I stand first, shake his hand, and say, “So good to see you again. How was Chandra as the wizard? Did she break a leg?”
Priyam’s grin is magnetic. “She was brilliant, if I do say so myself.”
“That’s awesome, Pop-pop. You should be proud,” I say.
Another smile. “And how was your stint as a Little League coach for your niece?” he asks, taking the seat next to me.
For the next few minutes, I regale him with tales of my niece. He shares stories of his grandkids. When it’s time to order, I don’t even ask Maddox what’s good. I’m a grown man. Don’t need his help. I pick the herbed scallops, and Maddox holds up a finger. “I wouldn’t—”
I shake my head. Don’t want his opinion. “Love scallops,” I declare, doubling down on my choice.
When the scallops arrive, they’re bland as fuck.
Serves me right.
* * *
By the time the meal ends, Priyam has promised to take me golfing in England. “It’s a sin that you’ve never been to London, but I’ll be changing that soon. I want you to come to our facilities there. I’ll show you around. We can do a video shoot, some photos, the whole works. London is fantastic,” he adds.
I find the will to smile even as my heart aches. I don’t let on that I wanted to go to London with Maddox. To see the sights, hit the clubs, dance with him. “I’m so there,” I say to Priyam. “I want to see everything. The river, the bridges, but I especially want to see as manyfootball matchesas possible.”
There.Footballwas never on my Maddox travel list.Footballdoesn’t break my heart.
Priyam grins, then tugs on his pastel yellow bow tie with penguin illustrations. “So, bow ties. I’m envisioning a whole campaign for them. What if we have you teaching other guys on camera how to tie a bow tie? Like you did in the sample video you sent? But we expand on it. Go big with it. Make it a whole thing.”
I grin. “I’m in.”
“Love it,” Vance says.
Priyam shifts his gaze to Maddox. “What do you think?”
Maddox’s lips twitch almost imperceptibly, then he meets my eyes and deadpans, “Zane knows his way around ties.”
Way to stab me in the chest with that dig.
But I don’t intend to strike out looking. I square my shoulders, hunting for a retort. Except, my heart hurts too much. I’ve got nothing.
Maybe that’s why Maddox turns back to Priyam, switches to his professional tone, and adds warmly, “Zane’s definitely the man for that.”
There he goes again. Praising me. Talking me up. Doing his fucking job.
And all I’m thinking is…I could have been your man.
Even though I’ve no clue how we’d make us work. I doubt there’s a how-to video anywhere explaining the trick to moving a forbidden romance out of the dark and into the light.
When the dinner ends, we fan out to the classy block in the Sixties, surrounded by beautiful brownstones and canopying trees.
“Thanks again for dinner. I’m heading uptown, so I’ll catch you all soon,” I say.
After our goodbyes, we go our separate ways, Priyam and Vance walking toward the East River, Maddox heading downtown. That’s the same direction I have to go, but I can’t handle walking the same way as him, wondering if we should share a car, making awkward small talk.
Instead, I walk up Park Avenue. After a few feet, I turn around, lean against a building, and catch my breath.
Don’t look.