Page 68 of Wicked Roses

Giorgio Belini’s grinning ear to ear. I know it before I even glance in his direction.

When I do, he winks at me, holding up his thumb and index finger to imitate a gun. He makes the bang motion like his gun goes off and my pounding heart lodges itself in my throat.

“Your honor, the defendant just made a threatening motion to Ms. Adams!” Brenda cries out, pointing across the room at the defense table. “He just made a visible threat against her!”

Belini’s defense team erupts in protests, arguing Brenda misconstrued his gesture, and is interrupting the hearing with irrelevant dramatics.

“Order!” Judge Ortiz shouts, banging his gavel. “I said order!”

But I’m no longer listening. I’m no longer able to even breathe. My stomach churns and I gasp for breath. I’m having a panic attack. I rush toward the double doors, leaving the courtroom behind.

This feels like some kind of nightmare. Giorgio Belini’s about to be released onto the streets and he’ll be after me more than ever. If he was behind my assault, then it looks like the worst is yet to come.

18. delphine

I goto the only place I can that’ll guarantee me some alone time. The sky grays above me as I kneel in front of Mom’s grave and let out the frustration and panic that took hold of me in the courthouse. It pours out in the form of an angry, strangled cry, my eyes blearing with tears.

I’ve never lost my cool in the courtroom like that before. Even when convictions have been overturned, or the defense has won an appeal, I’ve always managed to stay calm and collected. Dad once told me to never show my hand. Never let the opposition see me sweat.

People will judge me twice as hard. It’s vital I stay on my best game.

But like with so many other things as of late, I’ve failed. My life has continued to run off the rails. I’ve lost control and become an emotional wreck.

Just when I think I’ve gotten better, something uproots my world, and throws me off. I’m knocked back to square one.

While Dad’s always told me to stay strong, Mom would’ve told me it’s okay. I’m only human.

We all fall down sometimes.

Her voice almost sounds real. Warm with affection and slow with patience, she’d pair it with a smile and stroke of my hair. Even the memory of her doing so calms me down. My lungs inhale their first real breath since the courthouse.

I wipe at my eyes and replace the last bouquet of flowers left on her grave with fresh ones.

“Don’t worry,” I whisper. “I’m going to get justice for us.”

. . . no matter what I have to do.

* * *

Salvatore is waiting for me when I walk through the front door of the loft. My dejected mood makes it difficult to even meet his eyes. I plod into the living room in a dazed state, feeling out of sync with myself. My mind is operating separate of my body. I barely remember leaving the cemetery with my security let alone my ride up the elevator and down the hall.

“Phi,” Salvatore says as I pass him by. “You okay? I heard about the conviction being overturned.”

“I’m fine. Judge Ortiz has been bought. I can’t say I’m surprised—so has everyone in this corrupt city.”

My voice trembles with each word. I produce a mocking laugh that sounds borderline delirious. It ends with a sputter for air as my breath runs short and my lungs stop working. I swipe at the tears that have chosen the worst time to spring themselves on me; the least they could do was wait until I was alone in my room.

I stumble over myself in my hurry to make it there. My ankle twists in the heels I’m wearing and my arms shoot out to balance myself.

Salvatore comes up from behind, his hand steadying me. He’s like a pillar of safety and security without even meaning to be. A part of me desperately yearns to lean into him and let him play that role for me. The one he’s so often occupied—my protector.

My savior.

Instead, I push off of him and put distance between us. My heart drums hard in my chest as I plant my elbows on the island counter and drop my face into my hands.

I need a moment. I need... I don’t even know anymore.

In just a few short weeks, my once unwavering belief system has come crashing down. I’ve spent my whole life believing in the rule of law when it means nothing at the end of the day. The city will never heal because those at the top don’t want it to; they’d rather profit off of the crime and corruption.