Page 33 of The Last Casterglass
“Not everyone,” Seph reminded her, unable to keep a slight edge from her voice, and Althea nodded as if she’d made an extremely relevant point.
“That’s right, not everyone.”
Meaning not her. Everyone else was happily paired. Althea let out a little laugh, but Seph was already starting to feel wary.
“But you’re moving to Appleby Farm,” she pointed out. “So there will be a bit more space then.”
“Yes, but Will and Olivia are thinking of moving into the castle after they’re married—”
“They’re not even engaged yet—” Seph protested.
“Only a matter of time,” Althea assured her. “Olivia would like to live at Casterglass, and Will is quite open to it, as well. Once they fix up his cottage, they’re thinking they’ll sell it and move in. Their hope is to convert the top floor of the addition into a self-contained unit, a flat of sorts.”
A whole floor? Her wariness was deepening into unease. “And what about Rose and Sam?” she asked after a moment.
“They want to do the same thing, with the first floor.” Which is where Seph’s bedroom was. “Mum and Dad have said they’ll move into a downstairs room, and as you know the old part of the castle isn’t really suitable to live in. It’s freezing year-round.”
“Yes.” Seph had a feeling she knew where this was going, but she wanted her sister to say it.
“With the addition converted into flats, more or less,” Althea continued briskly, “well, there’s less space for everyone else. It makes sense, of course…families want their privacy. I can understand them all wanting their own space.”
“Right.” Seph took a deep breath. “So, the castle is going to be too crowded. Who are you thinking will live here?”
“Well…you, of course!” Was she imagining that Althea said that just a little too brightly? “We’d do it up, naturally. I think it could be quite cosy. And I imagine you want your privacy too—it’s going to be very noisy, with all those little kids running around. And you are an adult, after all. I thought you’d like your own house…” Althea trailed off after a few moments when Seph had made no reply. “Seph?” she asked. “Don’t you think it’s a good idea?”
“Yeah, sure.” Seph turned away, not trusting the expression on her face. Althea was acting as if Christmas had come early. Did she really believe that Seph would want to live in this grotty little place, one step up from a bedsit, miles from the castle, from anyone? To see her family, she’d have to trudge across several muddy fields. She’d be all by herself, all the time, while everyone else would be together, under one roof, a family. Was that what Althea thought she wanted? To be off on her own, isolated? She supposed it was the impression she’d given off over the years, and yet…
She wastryingto be different. She thought everyone else was, too. But once again she had the depressing feeling that on a fundamental level, nothing had actually changed.
“Seph? What do you think?”
Seph stared out the small window at the view of the sea glinting greyly in the distance. The wind coming off the water would be ferocious, she thought, and for a second, she pictured herself huddled inside this little house, battered by the wind, entirely alone. It was enough to make her want to wince, weep, and give up all at once. That was not the life she wanted for herself. To live at Casterglass all of her days, alone, lonely, stuck in this cottage in the middle of nowhere…yet what other future could she possibly have?
“Seph?” Althea asked again, and this time she sounded anxious.
Did her sister realise she’d got it wrong? Was she at leastwondering? Or did she really think Seph would be happy here in her own space? Maybe she should be, Seph reflected. She’d lived most of her life virtually alone; why should Althea think anything different?
“Let me think about it,” she said at last. “It’s…quite a step.”
“Yes, of course,” Althea said quickly. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have sprung it on you like this. I…I thought you’d be pleased.”
Seph forced herself to turn around and face her sister. She knew Althea had meant to be kind, and it wasn’t her fault that living in this little box of a cottage off on its own was now her idea of a worst nightmare. Maybe once, she reflected, she wouldn’t have minded so much. Now she knew she did.
“I really appreciate the thought,” she told her. “I…just need to think.”
Althea nodded, a bit too much. “Yes, of course you do. Take all the time you want. I mean, within reason, of course. If you’re going to move in, we’ll need to get started on the renovations, especially if Rose and Sam want to start making changes up at the castle…” She trailed off uncomfortably while Seph made herself nod.
“Right. Yes. Within reason.” She glanced out the window again. “What are you planning to do with the other two cottages?”
“Well…do them up eventually, maybe to let out? But we haven’t got the money for those quite yet. Just this one.”
“Ah.” So, she really would be entirely alone out here.
Althea gazed at her for another few seconds, looking conflicted, a bit unhappy, like she wanted to say something more—and Seph realised she didn’t want her to say it. She didn’t want to continue this painful conversation, and shereallydidn’t want to think about living in this poky little house all by herself.
“I should get back,” she said, a bit abruptly. “And I’m sure you should, as well. You’re getting married in just a week, after all!”
“Yes, crazy.”