Page 42 of #PhiThetaForever

44 Lena

I don't know where the last two weeks have gone.

It feels like yesterday we came home for break, I blinked and now it's Christmas Eve. Nine days flew by and I'm standing in front of the most beautiful and magical tree I've ever seen. Declan's parents went all out this year, which I whole heartily expected given he almost died last year around this time. Carrigan and Aiden always seem to take everything in stride and handle things so much better than the rest of us.

Until earlier tonight, I wouldn't have thought the accident even still affected them. But when Declan asked me if I wanted to drive to town and see the Christmas sandcastles the high school did, they all but freaked out. It started snowing about ten minutes after we got here this evening, and the moment Declan mentioned going driving in the snow, his mother all but shouted no and then started crying.

It wasn't until that moment I realized how much his accident affected her. Just the though of Declan driving in the snow, in the exact same place in the exact same conditions sent her into an emotional wreck. Needless to say, we aren't leaving this house for the next few days. At least, not until the snow fall stops. I'm okay with it though. My grandparents understand Declan's parents wanting us here for the holiday, and they're stopping by tomorrow afternoon to exchange gifts and then staying for dinner.

"This might be the single biggest Christmas tree my parents have ever gotten." Darcy stares up, like me, at the ten foot tall tree in the formal living room, glowing with white lights and the plethora of glitter encrusted gold and silver decorations, dotted from top to bottom with garland and bows.

"There's a lot to celebrate this Christmas," I say sliding my arm together with Darcy's as she leans her head onto my shoulder. "Last year, we didn't even know if Declan was going to make it the year. Now . . . he's back to playing football with his entire future in front of him. God did us all a solid last year."

Darcy chuckles. "God did us a solid, huh?"

I laugh too and shrug. "Yeah. Something like that."

"You know, for a long time I was the one drinking and being stupid, and I used to wish Declan would do the same. Wish he would screw up, just once, so I wouldn't always feel like he was better than me." I stand and turn toward her, the guilt in her voice so evident it takes me by surprise. "Then this year, he did. He did exactly what I used to wish he would do . . . and it broke my heart."

"Darcy . . . Declan's choices aren't your fault."

She sighs deeply and then looks at me, something swimming in her eyes that I can't place. "I can't help by feel like it is. I wished bad things on him for so long, Lena. Because I was sick of living in his shadow. Sick of being the bad twin, the family screw up. I hated trying to be as good as Declan, but I never was. After the accident, I knew I'd been so stupid. We're blood, twins. We came into this world together and we should be there for each other, always. But this year . . . I almost lost him to something completely different. It just shows how much Declan and I are truly alike. We both, no matter how hard we try to be good, have this darkness in us, and when we step off the ledge, we fall hard . . . and it hurts."

"Hey." I turn and grab her gently by the shoulders. "You're not bad or dark. Neither is he. You both have done things you wish you hadn't. We all have. But at your core, at his core, you're both the two best people I've ever known, Darcy. I thank God everyday for Declan, for you."

Darcy gives me a sad smile, and I can't stop myself from reaching over and pulling her into a hug. Eventually, she and I lean our heads against the other, and stand, staring at the Christmas tree quietly. I zone out thinking about everything that's happened this semester while letting my eyes dance over the bright gold and beautiful twinkling lights.

"Girls!"

Darcy and I both jump a mile out of our skin. Meeting her gaze, she and I burst out laughing just as Declan and his parents walk into the room.

"What's so funny," Declan says as he walks over and slips his hands onto my waist and pulls me close.

Snaking my arms around his neck, I smile up at him, knowing that even with all our struggles, this is where I'm meant to be. "Nothing. Just enjoying the holiday vibes."

"Mmhmm," he says smiling back, "sure you were."

Declan leans down and softly presses his lips to mine, my eyes closing briefly before he stands straight and keeps smiling down at me.

"Lets go eat," his mother says as she steps up and places a hand on Declan's shoulder. "And then, it's bed time. You kids all look more exhausted than I like."

This makes Declan, Darcy, and I all laugh again. If only his mother knew just how accurate she was. I'm exhausted mentally and physically, and I honestly can't express how much I'm looking forward to the next six weeks.

45 Declan

I don't think Lena and I have ever had a busier holiday. Christmas Day until New Years Eve, and we've run nonstop. She's helped at her grandparents shop, we've both done several shifts at the new food shelter in the next town over, and in those six days, I've spent at least thirty hours with the District Attorney discussing what's happened this semester with the frat. Justus has met with her as well. Lena sent her copies of all the text and videos from moments I was with them, and reading over them again made me feel like an even worse boyfriend.

That's why our New Years Eve celebration is just her and I, staying in my parents pool house. No parties, no crowds, no friends or family. After everything, I just want to ring the new year in with the woman I'm madly in love with, and remind her that she is and always will be the most important thing in my life. Lena still hasn't put any weight back on from what she's lost this year. She's at least eating, though. My mom made sure that Lena's favorite foods were included in our meals. Tonight, I don't want to focus on her weight or the frat— I just want to focus on her.

I want to remind Lena how much I love her, how sorry I am for everything, and more importantly, that I'm going to do better from this point on. She's in the shower, and I'm setting up my New Years Eve surprise. There's a fire going in the fireplace, the window's cracked just enough to balance the heat, sparkling cider on ice with two champagne flutes on a try in front of the feather-down comforter I spread on the floor. I made a cheese and cracker tray because Lena loves those, especially when we're just hanging out or studying, and I have an envelope for her. It's the big surprise to show her that my core morals and values haven't change, and the things that are important to her are still just as important to me.

A gasp from behind me pulls my attention just as I light the last candle. Turning around, my jaw drops. Lena is the single most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Even more beautiful when she isn't trying, like right now. Leggings, fluffy Christmas socks, an oversized-off-the-shoulder Christmas shirt, no make-up, hair in a messy bun— and damn if she isn't the epitome of stunning.

"Declan," she says looking around at my handy work, "what is all this? Did you plan this?"

As soon as she's in arms reach, I gently grab the side of her neck and pull her forward, leaning down to press my lips to hers. Teasing her lips with my tongue, she opens to me, and I pull her closer, flush against my body. If it was possible for us to merge, I'd probably try to make it happen right now.

Lena matches my intensity, and my hands drift down her body, small muffled moans bubbling up form her throat. Out of all the things I've done this semester between the drugs and the drinking, nothing compares to the euphoria I get from having Lena in my arms. For a moment, I forget everything but wanting her, and my hands slide down to cup her butt. Lifting her, she wraps her legs around my waist, and before I know it, we're on the floor, Lena on her back with my nestled tightly between her legs.