Page 31 of #PhiThetaForever

I can't stop the fit of giggles that erupts from my throat, which turns into a fit making my ribs hurt. I haven't laughed this hard in months. Finally, Darcy grabs me by the face and pinches my cheeks, which is actually a little painful, but makes me laugh again. "Shower. Pajamas. Pizza. Movie. That's the plan. Now, move, woman!"

Before I can protest, I'm shoved into the bathroom and Candice is pulling pajamas out of my dresser and literally throwing them at me.

"You're both mental!" I say as the slam the door closed. Music kicks on in the main room, so I turn the shower on and hop in. Pajamas and Pizza. What are we? 7th graders? I sigh and smile again before putting my head under the water. Then I forget everything else because for the first time, the hot water soothes me. Usually I get in the shower and just think about all the things that are pissing me off. Tonight though, I'm actually relaxing, and I plan to take advantage of this for as long as I can. So either the hot water is going to run out or Darcy and Candice are going to start banging on the door.

Forty minutes later, it turns out to be the former that gets me out of the shower. I'm actually surprised the water lasted this long. After drying and braiding my hair, which I haven't done in forever, I find that Candice has picked out the pajamas Declan bought me over the summer. They're those super soft and fluffy PJ pants covered in Winnie-the-Pooh and an over-sized, off the shoulder sweater in red. To match Pooh. It's the first sweater in this style that I'd ever gotten, and Declan doesn't know it, but that's why I bought a whole bunch. I know he likes them, so before we came up here, I stocked my winter wardrobe with these style sweaters, jeans, and leggings.

Surprisingly, its the most comfortable I've been.

Walking out of the bathroom, I take a look around our dorm and freeze, unsure whether to laugh or call the psych ward. All five of my best friend, Declan included, are sitting on the beds wearing Disney pajamas. Justus is wearing Jack Skelington and sitting with Darcy, who's wearing Ursula PJs. Jackson is in Darth Vader pajamas and Candice is laying curled up next to him in Black Panther PJs with the Shuri character all over them.

I smirk at her. "Candice, those don't count."

She sits up with a look of indignation on her face. "Yes, they do. Shuri is a Disney Princess, so she counts for Disney night."

Everyone looks over at her with weird expressions, except Jackson. Jackson just rolls his eyes. "Please don't ask."

"I have to, Jacks. How do you figure she is a Disney Princess?"

"Beacuse," Candice says sitting up straighter. "Shuri is the sister of T'Challa. T'Challa is King of Wakanda, which makes Shuri the Princess of Wakanda. Wakanda is from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which is owned by Disney. So that makes Shuri a Disney Princess."

The whole room erupts in laughter. My eyes finally fall on Declan, who's sitting on the far end of my bed, away from my pillows wearing his Eeyore pajama pants and a blue-gray tank top. My mouth literally almost waters, and when he winks at me, there's no doubt whether or not he caught me staring at him.

"So, six adults are going to wear Disney pajamas and watch kids movies all night," I say as someone opens our dorm door.

"Nope!" Sandra and her boyfriend Josiah, who I only know by name and description walk in. She's carrying several grocery store bags and several boxes of pizza. Josiah is behind her with a cooler. I star at him, instantly suspicious. "Relax, Lena, it's just ice. Even if any of us drank, we wouldn't bring it with Declan in recovery."

My eyes skim over to Declan as everyone else gets up and heads to the dining table to grab food and drinks. Sandra and Josiah are in matching Lion King pajamas— she's Timon and he's Pumba. Declan stares at me a moment and then nods to the bed next to him. Taking a deep breath, I walk over and sit down, staring down at my hands.

"Would you like to sit together for the movies?" His voice is soft and almost pleading. I can literally hear the desperation in his voice, and it breaks my heart all over again.

I look up at him and nod because the words just won't come out. His answering smile is dazzling. Almost as soon as it lights up the room, it turns into a frown as he galnces over his shoulder toward everyone getting food. He looks back at me with a mix of irritation and concern in his eyes. "Justus said you haven't been eating much. Eat with me tonight? Please?"

"Okay." I don't even hesitate, and I'm rewarded when the smile lights up his face again. The sides of my mouth pull upward, just not as enthusiastically as Declan's. I'm going to try to enjoy tonight, because all my friends are here and it's a silly night, but it's only been a few days, which isn't enough time to know if Declan is going to stay sober and really give up Sigma Nu. Last time, we'd went a month, and then Thanksgiving happened.

I bring my feet up onto the bed and sit criss-cross like I used to in grade school. Declan comes back and holds a plate out to me. I take it and the yummy aroma of bacon and black olives makes my stomach growl. He smirks at me as he pulls a can of soda out of his pocket and holds it out. When I take it from him, our fingers brush against each other and it's almost like electricity. It's been a while since I felt that between him and I.

He bites his bottom lip, shakes his head a little, and then sits down next to me. Sandra puts in the first movie and I can't help but smile around a mouth full of pizza, tilting my head back and forth to the theme song from The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh. Clearly, they'd planned this to cheer me up, and probably get Declan and I around each other. Because our friends meddle in things worse than the Scooby-Doo characters.

I'm thankful though.

Glancing around the room, the smiles on a bunch of 19-21 years olds faces, at watching a classic Disney movie reminds me how fortunate we are. How much love is in this room, even when we're so angry with one another that we can't see straight. As I finish my pizza, I set the plate off to the side of the bed with Declan's. He's leaning back with his hands behind him to keep him propped up.

Taking a deep breath, I scoot a little closer to him. Keeping my eyes on the TV, because I don't want to make a big deal out of it, I lay my hand over his.

33 Declan

Tonight is the beginning of an entire month were I focus on nothing except recovery, finals, and Lena. Football is finally done, and despite having Bo on the team, I'm excited about the year we had. Placing second in the PAC Championship is pretty amazing, especially given the fact I started this year even though I'm a freshman. We've got the Playstation Fiesta Bowl at the end of December, but even that won't compare to the feeling in my chest right now.

We're on the third Disney movie of the night, all the lights are off, and I think most of the hang out crew is asleep. At least, I'm pretty sure Lena is—asleep on my chest, laying in her bed. I honestly don't know how we ended up laying like this, but one minute she put her hand on mine, and then we were both sitting against the headboard, and then she was laying on my chest. And I'm not moving. I'll sleep sitting up if I have to. There's no way I'm disturbing her.

I know she'll probably wake up in the morning and go back to giving me the cold shoulder, and that anger will still be in her eyes. But right now, I'm holding her and she's peaceful. She still loves me, I can feel it. Even at the worst moments, being around her has this calming effect on me.

"I think that's the most relaxed she's been since the beginning of the term." Darcy sits gently on the edge of Lena's bed, staring at her with sad but loving eyes. I haven't spent much time with Darcy this year, and that makes me upset.

We've only just mended our relationship, and here I am, screwing it up again.

Reaching up, I tuck Darcy's messy hair behind her ear before laying my hand against her cheek. "I'm so sorry, for everything, Darcy."