Page 18 of #PhiThetaForever
Justus runs his hand through his hair and lets out a puff of air. "Does Lena know you're doing blow every weekend?"
I shake my head and fight the emotions threatening to take over my body. "And I don't want her to. This is temporary, and I don't want her upset or worried when it isn't going to continue in the long term."
Sandra sits up straighter. "Declan, for an intelligent guy, you're pretty stupid. Cocaine isn't something you just do and then turn off. By the time Bo makes you a member, you'll need rehab to kick that stuff."
"Please tell me this is a joke."
Lena's voice makes me jump, and before I can react, she's on her feet, tears in her eyes, her face so red I'm worried she might explode.
"Lena, let me explain." I sit up and turn to face her.
"No." She holds her hand up to stop me from moving. "You said drinking and parties. There is a big difference between getting drunk and doing hardcore drugs, Declan. Bigdamndifference." With every word, her voice gets louder.
Jackson sits up and turns to look at me, his eyes narrowed, the anger evident on his face. Candice stands and walks over to Lena, rubbing her back. I don't take my eyes off my girlfriend. Jackson comes over to us and takes Candice's hand in his before looking down at me. "Declan, you're like my brother, and I love you. I will stand by you and support you through just about anything. But this crosses the line."
"Jack—"
"Don't," he snaps, "you're a better man than this. So until you can get your head straight, and get the hell off the drugs, don't expect anything from me and Candice. We've got too much to lose, and our education has to come first to us. You're our best friend, but you're making these choices." With that, he and Candice say a quiet goodbye to Justus and Sandra, and I can't even breathe until the door clicks shut.
The house is so silent you can hear a pin drop.
Lena walks over to the table and grabs her purse before stopping in front of me again. Darcy appears beside her, and I can't even bring myself to look my sister in the face. "I've never given you an ultimatum, Declan. Not once in the year we've been together."
"I know," I say quietly, the unshed tears almost strangling my ability to speak.
"I'm giving you one now. Me or the drugs. You can't have both."
I want to stop her as she says goodbye to the others and walks out the door, but I can't. It's like my soul is shattering into a million pieces, and I'm powerless to stop it.
God, help me, please? Please?
Looking down at Darcy's shoes, they blur as the tears finally fall from my eyes. I've screwed everything up pretty bad. "Say your piece, Darcy."
Her hand touches the back of my head, and I have to keep from breaking down into sobs. "I love you, Declan. But Jackson is right. You're a better man than this." Her hand leaves my head, and a moment later, the door clicks shut for the third time.
I fist my hands in my hair and want to scream.
I don't even know what to do anymore.
20 Lena
Three days. It's taken three days for me to not cry just at the sight of him. If I'd suspected this was going to happen, I probably wouldn't have agreed for us to have so many classes together. He missed all our classes on Monday, which just made me cry more than I would have if he'd been there. I spent the entire period wondering if he was avoiding me or off getting high with his Sigma Nu buddies.
Jackson says he hasn’t left their dorm room that he knows of—but Jackson also hasn’t said one word to Declan since Sunday night when he walked out. Everyone keeps close to me the last few days, and I love them for their support and worry, but honestly, I just want to be left the hell alone. After tonight's game loss, which is entirely my fault for being an emotional wreck, I just need silence. We never should've lost to USC, and we did because of me.
Walking to the parking lot, I stop and just stare. Most of the soccer team is at the far back corner, music playing from someone's car. There's stragglers from the fans going to their vehicles as well, and all I want to do is walk back to my dorm without being noticed. Not speaking to my boyfriend for three days feels like an eternity. The emotions have more to do with my body physically hurting than soccer ever has.
"Well, if it isn't, little miss perfect," a snide voice says from behind me. I turn around, my stomach souring at the sight of Bo. "Declan's all messed up about you."
"Well, he has you to thank for that," I say with venom, wishing ill on someone for the first time in my life. I always try not to think badly about people because I believe it brings bad karma. The other person may not hear my thoughts, but the Lord does.
"Ya know," he says, taking a few measured steps toward me. I take a step back, an anxious feeling flowing through me as if the air around me is warning me to keep my distance between myself and Bo. "It wouldn't even be a problem if you'd just support him, maybe give him a little of that body to get him through pledging." He moves closer.
"You're disgusting. Sex isn't going to stop you from shoving drugs and booze into Declan's system, making him think that he needs Sigma Nu to amount to anything. Declan was more of a man before meeting you than you'll ever be." My cheeks are warm with anger, which quickly drains as the smile fades from Bo's face. He takes a few steps forward, and I step back quickly, tripping over my own feet.
My body hits something hard, which keeps me from falling, and then strong, familiar hands grip my waist to steady me. Bo stares over my head a second, sneers, and walks off chuckling to himself. I don't want to turn around. This is the longest I've gone without crying, and my eyes hurt already. I don't want to break down in a sobbing mess again. Poor Darcy spent three hours yesterday drying my tears and calming me down after my anxiety attack.
"Turn around," Declan says, his voice low and strained. Oddly enough, it's the most he's sounded like himself since this whole shit-show started.