Page 16 of #PhiThetaForever

"What's wrong, baby? I was just getting started." She tries to run her hand down my chest to my crotch, but I grab her wrist before she hits my belt buckle.

"I'm sure you were, too bad I'm not interested." I let go of her wrist and walk from the hotel room without bothering to say anything to anyone. Making my way down the hall to one of the balconies, I push through the door and pull my cell phone out of my pocket. Reading the text, my chest hurts so bad I worry that I might be having a heart attack.

Lena: We watched the game tonight. I'm so proud of you, babe. You did amazing. I miss you so much and I love you.

Tears sting my eyes, and my head spins. Emotions and drug use don't mix well. I know it's probably a bad idea, but I need my girlfriend—the guilt of letting another girl dance on me is eating at me already. I can only imagine how bad this is going to be when I sober up.

Me: Baby? Can you call me? Please.

Three seconds later, my cell phone rings, and her name flashes across the screen. I clear my throat before hitting the button to answer.

"Declan? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Her voice is panicked and filled with worried.

Taking a deep breath, I try to push my emotions down. I don't want her knowing I'm high or upset. "Nothing's wrong, baby. I just needed to hear your voice. I love you, Lena."

She sighs into the phone and chuckles. The sound is music to my ears. "You've never needed to talk to me on a football trip. Are you sure you're okay?"

I smirk and close my eyes, sinking down the wall until I'm sitting on my butt, my eyes closed. "I'm okay." A few seconds of silence pass between us. "Lena?"

"Yeah?"

"You know that I love you, right? More than anything in the world."

"Of course I do," she says softly, and I can picture her holding the phone to her ear and biting her bottom lip.

"You're biting your lip, aren't you?"

She gasps and then laughs. "How did you know that?"

I inhale and exhale deeply, trying to clear the drug haze from my brain. "Because we're soulmates, baby. I know you better than I know myself. I wish I was home with you. Lying in your bed, with you in my arms, and some chick flick on the TV."

"Mmmm. Well, if you don't have any pledge things tomorrow night, maybe we can make that happen." I can literally hear the smile in her voice, and it almost makes the tears in my eyes fall.

"Get some sleep, love. I'll be home by the time you get out of church. I love you."

"I love you too, Declan. Goodnight."

I pull the phone away from my ear, and the tears fall, me powerless to stop them. I hate lying to her. But all this will be over once we get through the overly long pledging phase. Sigma Nu does one full year of pledging. It's like a probationary period to make sure their pledges are up to par. This year. This is the hard part of getting into this fraternity. Bo even said that after this year, if I don't want to drink or party or whatever, I don't have to. I will be obligated to be at social events, but I won't have to partake in stuff like this unless I want to.

I can't stop the tears, so I don't bother trying. I just keep telling myself that it's only for the year.

God, why did you even put this in my path? Why?

18 Lena

Declan's plane was delayed, which put a damper on my day. He wouldn't be getting home until late tonight, so I have to wait until class tomorrow to see him. So to pass the time, I'm heading to my first Phi Theta Forever Sorority event. It's a food drive! Well, more a packaging drive. Some guys from the fraternity side are helping, but Jackson, Justus, and a few others are obviously with the football team, so they're missing it.

I told Declan about Phi Theta Forever this morning while we talked. He sounded exhausted and a little off, so I'm assuming Bo had some kind of pledge thing. I thought about asking if something happened, and that's why he called me in the middle of the night, but I don't want to upset him. He sounded upset when he called last night, and I just want him home. I don't want to fight with Declan. We're getting closer to the holiday and the end of the semester.

He's stressed and working to keep his grades up, especially considering he's missed some classes thanks to Sigma Nu pledge crap. He swears after this year when his pledge status is over, things won't be like this. I've prayed every day that he's right. I don't know how he will do if he has to do this for four years straight. Or what it will do to us in four years. I've agreed to deal with it and support him this year, but I don't think I can handle this for my entire college experience.

Candice, Darcy, Sandra, and I are working at the weighing and sealing station. Basically, the packaging drive has stations. The first one has 4 people who fill the meal bags with the proper ingredients. The second station, which is ours, weights the bags to make sure they're correct, and then heat seals them. The last station boxes the sealed bags accordingly and then has a runner take the box to the front loading area. We're doing the event at the local VFW because it has a room large enough.

Plus, Sandra says they do stuff like this off-campus because it allows non-students to sign up and help out as well. There's a DJ playing music. As we get into a groove between the stations, everyone is dancing, smiling, talking—just having a great time. Phi Theta has four members walking around taking videos and pictures, and the non-profit that runs these drives has two people. I've never done anything like this. I think as a kid, the most Dad and I participated in was the Canned Food Drive at our church. Dad doesn't have much time to give for events, but he does buy about $1,000.00 worth of canned goods for the drive and drop them off at the church.

He even drives to the next town to buy them because Decleburg only has one grocery store, and they don't even have that many canned goods on hand. Especially since my hometown is mainly a farming town, most people do fresh fruits and vegetables.

"You guys should think about coming on the mission trip this summer," Sandra says as she weighs another back and passes it across the table to me to seal.