Page 89 of #Lovestrong

Lena

Kneeling on the firm cushioned pad in the third pew from the front, my legs are numb. My hands in front of me and my forehead resting on the base of my thumbs, I can't think of anything except Declan. Tonight went from the best night to facing the impossible— losing the boy I love.

Without getting the chance to tell him again. And to tell him how sorry I am.

"I'll do anything, give anything. Just let him pull through this," I say quietly, lifting my head to stare at the elaborate wooden cross at the front of the room.

"You always were willing to give everything for others."

I stand and spin around, my hand flying up to cover my mouth. Crystal blue eyes I haven't looked into in over a year stare at me from ten pews back. Warm tears run over my fingers and I blink several times. I don't want to miss a moment of his face.

"Cameron?"

He chuckles and sticks his hands in his pockets. "You gonna stand there and stare at me or you gonna get over here and hug me?"

My heart thumps in my chest as I sidestep out of the pew and run toward him, jumping into his arms and burying my head in his shoulder. His arms tighten around me, holding my feet just off the ground, and I sob a little when his lips press into my hair.

"Shh. None of that now. We don't have much time," he says softly before setting me back on my feet.

"I don't understand." I try to catch my breath as Cameron cups both sides of my face and wipes the tears away.

"You're dreaming, Lena." He turns and points behind me toward the front of the chapel.

I follow his finger, my mouth dropping open at the shimmering image of myself, head down on my forearms while still kneeling at the pew. "I don't remember falling asleep."

"Yeah, well, it's not like you've slept well over the past year anyway."

I turn back to Cameron, my mouth still hanging open. "How do you know what I've been doing over the last year?"

He laughs again. "I can see you from where I am now. All the time. I hear you too."

I look down at my feet, and Cameron gently touches my chin and coaxes my gaze back to his. "I'm sorry."

"You've said that a lot this year, baby. Stop. Stop apologizing for something that wasn't your fault."

My lip quivers as I step toward him and touch the side of his face. "I miss you. I don't know what I'm doing without you and Camilla."

Cameron blurs and then his lips are on mine.

It's the strangest moment in my entire life. I know it's a dream, but he feels real, smells just like I remember . . .

When he pulls away from me, I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. His hands tangle in my hair as he presses his forehead to mine, his breath warm on my face. "I have to go, Lena."

My eyes open as panic courses through my body. I grab Cameron's face and make him look at me as I fist my hands in his shirt and pull him closer. "No. No, you can't go. I'm not ready."

He holds my face still, tears shining in his eyes. "Listen, baby. God has big plans for you and Declan. You and I had fourteen years together. Fourteen amazing years, baby."

The more he talks, the harder the tears fall down my face. "It should've been me, Cam. I'm so sorry."

"Stop. You have a life to live. God gave you that life and it has the most amazing purpose. Baby, I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I'll always love you. And I know you love me, you loved me before you ever knew what that word meant. Lena, you were the very best thing in my life. But Declan is your future, and he deserves all of you. Stop holding back because you think it isn't fair or because you think I'd be angry.

"I'm not angry, baby. I'm so, so proud of you, and I will always love you. Love doesn't end when we die, Lena. God lets us keep loving. And love is the one thing we never have a shortage of. You love me and you love Declan, and that is perfectly okay. It's what God intended."

Cameron leans in and presses his lips to mine, hard, one more time.

"I love you, Cam."

"I love you too, Lena. Now, go be the amazing girl I know you are. Lena. Lena . . . Lena . . . "