Page 84 of #Lovestrong

Declan

It's been two weeks since Lena broke up with me. I'm doing everything I can to make people think I'm okay, but I'm not. It's like someone set my lungs and chest on fire, and every time I see her, even from a distance, it's as if gasoline is being poured on the flames. It physically hurts.

How the hell can emotional pain physically hurt someone? I don't know, but it does.

She drives herself to school now and parks on the opposite end of the Senior parking lot. I have to force myself not to break down in tears every morning when I pull into my parking space. Darcy offered to help me change the paint on my parking spot, but I told her no. I'm praying Lena comes back, and I carry her promise ring in my pocket every single day just in case she does.

In the classes we have together, she sits in the very front row. During lunch, Jackson and Candice make me eat inside the cafeteria with them. We all know Lena won't come in here, so it's the one time I don't feel anxious about running into her or catching a glimpse of her. Though, every lunch period is the same— I stare at the door, wondering if maybe one day, she'll come walking through looking for me.

I've prayed every night, and though Lena hasn't been to church since our breakup, she's working at her grandparents’ cafe more and still playing soccer. Jackson and I both see less of Candice now, but we know she's with Lena, and for me, that's okay. I don't want Lena going back to being alone all the time, and at least if she's with Candice, she has someone.

"Dude, you ready to head to the fair?" Jackson throws a crumpled piece of paper across the basement, hitting me in the shoulder.

Tonight is the annual charity fair and despite it being December, I've been roped into participating in the Dunk Tank. It's fifteen degrees outside, and I get to spend an hour repeatedly falling into water . . . outside. As much as I love doing stuff for charity, especially in my own community, I can't say I'm looking forward to this.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go so I can freeze to death for an hour." Standing, I grab my duffel bag off the couch next to me. I've packed my bathing suit and extra clothes and towels, but nothing is going to help. My plans for tonight are to come back here, light the fireplace, and not move until I'm sweating.

"Candice said she and Lena just got there," Jackson says as we both slide into my car.

I sigh loudly. "She still hasn't talked to me."

Jackson claps me on the shoulder and squeezes as I turn the key in the ignition. "Give her time, bro. You two are meant to be together. She'll see that eventually. She's just stubborn, like that grandma of hers."

I can't help but chuckle. Mrs. Deb is certainly the most stubborn and independent woman I've ever met. At least Lena gets that part of her personality honestly. The reasons for showing that part of her personality are what bother me. Mrs. Deb does is because she knows she's just as good as any man and doesn't need someone to do what she can do herself. Lena does it because she thinks she’s unworthy and doesn't deserve things. That couldn't be farther from the truth.

The town center, which is right by the area of the lake where I first met Lena, is only a few minutes from the house, so it isn't long before Jackson and I pull into our normal spot at the cafe. Even though Lena and I aren't together, I'm still parking here. Partly because I'm hoping I'll run into her and be able to get her to talk to me, and partly because this is where I've parked my car for this event for the last two years.

Jackson and I get out and I pull my hoodie out of the backseat and put it on. I'm staying as warm as possible, for as long as possible. The fair is roped off, and a few feet past the cafe parking lot is an entry booth. It's a five-dollar donation to get in, which gets you entry, a free drink, and ten tickets you can use on games or rides. There are booths inside for fair-goers to purchase more tickets.

Jackson and I pay our fee, but tell Maude, the secretary from the church working the entry table, to give our twenty tickets to the next family with kids that comes in. We do this every year, so she just nods and smiles at us. Jackson spots Candice at the table for the cafe. Mrs. Deb is there, but I don't see Lena.

My chest tightens as we get closer, so I stare down at my feet, staying a few paces back when Jackson steps under the tent to hug both women. They chat and I kick at the dirt with the toe of my boot, trying to keep my emotions in check. Maybe being dropped repeatedly in freezing cold water today won't be such a bad thing. At least I won't be able to think about anything else while that's going on.

Someone clears their throat and I peek up to find Mrs. Deb standing a few steps in front of me, her lips pursed and an insulated cup in her hand with steam rising from the hole in the lid.

"You don't come hug me now, is that it?"

My mouth drops open and I'm dumbfounded, stuttering over myself. "Mrs. Deb . . . I didn't mean to be rude. I . . . I mean, I wasn't trying to be, it's just . . . with—"

She holds up a hand and I slam my lips together. "Declan Harp, you've been like a grandson to us for years. I know you and Lena are having a hard time, but once she realizes she's being stupid, she'll be okay. No matter what though, that doesn't change your relationship with us. Now, here's your favorite, Chilean hot cocoa." She holds out the cup to me with a huge smile on her face.

I take the cup and inhale the steam, groaning as my eyes close and a smile fills my face. This is the best hot cocoa on the planet. It’s rich with just the right amount of spice to it. "Thanks, Mrs. Deb."

"Hey, blue balls, you got five minutes until your dunk time," Jackson says louder than necessary as Candice bursts out laughing.

I open my eyes and roll them, giving him an annoyed glare. "Not even funny, dude. Thanks for the hot chocolate. I'll see y'all later."

As I walk to the dunk booth, I scan the crowds all around me for Lena. I know she's here somewhere, but the only place I've seen her in the last two weeks is school. I just want a glimpse of her, just a moment.

I miss her so much.