Page 57 of #Lovestrong
Lena
Declan and his parents stand on the steps of the church waiting for me and my grandparents as other members walk past them, politely saying hello to the Senator. Candice invited me to come weeks ago, but I've finally bucked up the courage.
Lakeview is a small town, and most of the locals attend this church. Plus, I haven't been inside a church since I was ten. Not because I don't believe in God, but because for a long time, I had my own issues with him.
My dad and I went for years after my mom left. Every Sunday, I'd pray and pray my mom would come back, that she'd miss me and come home to take care of me again. By the time I was ten, and finally ready to admit she wasn't coming back, I was just angry with God for not answering my one prayer. I'm not angry anymore. He gave me the single most amazing father a girl could ask for, and I'm thankful for that blessing every minute of my life.
"Hey, baby. You look stunning," Declan says as I climb the stairs to stand next to him. He leans down to kiss me and my heart stutters.
When he stands back up, I nervously smooth the front of what is literally the only dress I own. It's a snuggly-fit peach dress with a square neckline, is wide in the shoulders, and goes down to about the middle of my calves. I don't walk well in heels, so instead, I wore a pair of white flats. As the bells outside the church ring, Declan takes my hand and leads me inside.
My grandparents only come to church every other week because of the shop usually being open, but they've always come to this one. Inside, Declan guides me to the fifth pew from the front, where Jackson and Candice are already sitting. Behind them is Candice's mom and two other people who, given the resemblance to Jackson, can only be his parents.
Candice stands and hugs me, followed by Jackson. As we sit down, my grandparents and Declan's parents sit behind us and someone up front clears their throat. As we face the front, Declan puts his arm around my shoulders and reaches over with his other hand to take mine.
"Today, as we all gather here to worship Our Lord, Jesus Christ, I want to discuss a matter we often forget in today's world," the preacher says in a sure and steady voice, his message carried out to the congregation sitting at attention below him.
I shift closer to Declan, everything in me content just because he's next to me.
"Forgiveness," the preacher says. "In a world where such terrible things happen, where our news stations give us report after report of the Devil's influence all over the world, we often forget the Lord's teachings on forgiveness. We struggle with it.
"But we must remember. For God forgave us with his son, Jesus Christ, so we must forgive each other, and ourselves."
It's crazy how the first time I go to church in seven years, it's like the preacher is talking directly to me. I find myself sitting up straighter as he launches into his sermon, instructing me to forgive, to remember that with forgiveness comes healing and wholeness.
Three months ago, I swore I'd never forgive myself for what Peter did. For what I believed I pushed him to do. But as the message from the preacher hits so deep in my core, tears slide down my face and I smile, totally entranced in the message he's giving me and everyone else.
A cold hand wraps around my free one and I look over at Candice. She nods at me and lays her head on my shoulder. That's how we sit for the next hour, only moving to bow our heads when the preacher calls for everyone to pray. Today, I pray for the strength to forgive Peter for what he did, for the lives he took, and the hopelessness he felt that drove him there. But I also ask, just briefly, for the courage to forgive myself.
"So remember, Ephesians 4:31-32, it says, 'Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.' And that is what I'd like you to take away from today."
When I look over at Declan, he wipes away the remaining wetness from my face with his thumb but leaves his hand resting on the side of my neck. Briefly, he glances over his shoulder, and from the corner of my eye, I notice his mom nod just slightly at him.
"Can I talk to you outside for a moment?" His voice is low and serious, and it makes my blood run a little cold.
"Okay," I say in a shaky voice as we stand. He keeps his hand in mine, but a worry falls over me and I can't help but wonder if he's about to break up with me . . . at church. Seriously, that would be just my luck.
Once we walk down the stairs, he leads me over to a bench under a tree. Sitting down, he turns so he's fully facing me. I stare at him, trying to will him to say whatever he is going to say and just get it over with. I don't want to prolong getting my heart broken if that's what's about to happen.
Declan reaches into his pocket and pulls out something small and shiny. As he toys with it, I realize it's some kind of ring. Definitely gold like a solid band with something written on it. "I know we're too young to get engaged, but I want you to know, that I have every intention of asking you to marry me."
My mouth drops open and a wave of relief mixed with dizziness hits me like a freight train. "What?"
Declan's smile is dazzling and as I stare at him, it's like what he's said doesn't quite register. I'm frozen in place as he turns further toward me and reaches out to take my left hand in his. "My father gave this promise ring to my mother when they were seniors in high school, the moment he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her." Without taking his eyes off mine, he gently slides the ring onto my left ring finger and then laces his hand with mine.
"I love you, Lena. And I want you to know I’ll continue to love you, and whatever else my future holds, I want you in it. I want to marry you."
I look from the ring to his face several times, fully aware he's waiting for me to say something. I can't think of the right words to say, and I've never thought about marriage before. But staring at Declan, I can see it, from college to the house and kids and everything in-between. In the span of a few seconds, a life of total happiness flashes through my mind and he's at the center of all of it.
"I want to marry you too," I finally say.
"Good." He grips the side of my neck and leans forward to kiss me, and I'm startled when several voices whistle and loud clapping echoes from near the church.
When Declan pulls away, the smile on his face is the biggest one I've seen yet. We both look over at all our family and friends making more noise than is really necessary. I chuckle with embarrassment and lean forward to hide my face in his chest.
How blessed am I to find the guy of my dreams before even finishing high school?