Page 34 of #Lovestrong

Lena

Two weeks have passed and our parking spot looks amazing. Things were going great, they really were. But every day I've looked at the calendar, and the closer the one-year anniversary gets for the shooting, the more I feel myself being pulled back under. It's like I've been treading water for weeks and my arms and legs are finally starting to cramp. They're too tired to keep my head above water.

My therapist and I have spent a majority of my last two sessions discussing this, talking about all the feelings that might resurface and ways I can be proactive in trying to cope with them. She's still pushing for me to tell Declan about the shooting, and believe me, I want to, but I'm just not ready.

Dr. Neely doesn't think the knowledge will change anything about mine and Declan's relationship, except she believes he'll be more understanding. I'm not ready to find out if she's right because . . . what if she isn't?

We talked about me reaching out to some of the people back home, those I was close with who might be feeling the same things as me. As Declan slides into the driver's seat, Jackson bends down to his window and Candice appears at mine.

"So," Jackson says, clearly trying to hide his excitement. "It's Friday. School’s out and there's an amazing little spot down by the lake with two oversized hammocks, a grill, and awesome swimming still to be had. What do you guys say?"

Declan looks at me, biting his bottom lip with his eyebrows raised, and I grin at him. "Fine."

The three of them hoot and holler as Candice jogs around Declan's car to meet Jackson. I send a quick text to my grandparents letting them know where I'll be. Grandma just sends back a smiley emoji with heart eyes and I chuckle under my breath. She's such a juvenile sometimes in her persistence to make me do teenage things. I love her though.