Page 113 of Vicious Desire (Fallen Royals 4)

My eyes fill with tears. “Are they going to lock her up?”

He’s quiet for a minute. Then, “Maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing. You’d get your mother back…”

For a second, I’m comforted at the thought. And then outraged.

“I’ll see you there,” I bite out.

I set the phone down and exhale.

“Let it out,” Eli says. “It’s just us.”

He doesn’t have to say it twice.

“Why does it take a fucking overdose for us to notice she’s spiraling? She’s been depressed for months—almost a year, honestly. Was it my fault? Did I not do enough? Was I not good enough—”

“It wasn’t your fault,” he says.

“You say that so easily,” I snap. “You know how I measure my life? The time that passes? We met when Mom was in the hospital here for the first time. Then Noah started partying more. And my sophomore year began just as Mom came home from the hospital for the final time. Junior year was marked by Noah being taken away—”

“Because your family doesn’t give a shit about your mile markers,” Eli snarls. “Stop focusing on them and look at yourself for a moment. You’ve been having panic attacks since I met you because you’re so damn worried about everyone else.”

“Of course I’m worried!” I hit the door. “I don’t want Dad to work a hundred hours a week, or Mom to sleep all the time, or to constantly think about if Noah’s going to come home after work or go on a fucking bender!”

He nods, motioning for me to keep going.

I’m so loud, my voice keeps cracking. “Stupid insurance wouldn’t cover Noah’s rehab, so my entire college fund was drained in less than a year. My parents bankrupted themselves trying to save Noah, but they didn’t notice I was—I am—”

“Drowning,” Eli finishes.

“Yes.”

I have nothing left to give.

No more energy, no more fucks.

I close my eyes until Eli touches my shoulder and tells me we’ve arrived.

He laces his fingers with mine and stays beside me, and we enter the hospital.

He doesn’t talk about it much, but I know he loathes them almost more than I do. Last year, his family had to go to Chicago for a family emergency. That emergency… his cousin died of an autoimmune disorder. They spent a long time in the hospital, and Eli was there when he died.

So, yeah. Hospitals suck for both of us.

“You can bail,” I mutter. We were just here, but it seems heavier now.

“Not going to happen, Appleton.”

My phone beeps.

They’ve admitted Mom to the fifth floor, Dad says. We can’t see her until they’ve finished her exam.

“Let’s go to Noah’s room,” I say. “Dad will meet us there.”

Eli is fine until we get into the elevator.

His face goes white.

We stand toward the back, and a few nurses and another visitor step on with us.