Page 2 of Midlife Wolf's Only Hope

The aquarium is actually much easier than I expect it to be. I only have to chase the kids three times and only one of them manages to scrape his knee and scream like an air raid siren at the sight of three drops of blood.

When I get home, all three of the younger kids hug me and thank me for the fun trip, even the one who scraped his knee. Annie very loudly and properly thanks me and offers to help with the kids again next time. She stares haughtily at Michael while she says this, and Michael sticks his tongue out at her.

For the record, Annie did absolutely nothing to help with the kids.

I order pizza for dinner because I’m far too exhausted to cook anything. I give up on the baths as well and send the kids to bed with the promise that they will each shower first thing in the morning. I head to my room and stop a half second before embedding a jagged piece of ceramic in my foot.

It turns out that what Aaron and/or Andy broke was the flowerpot I keep on my end table. I have no idea how the ceramic managed to scatter all the way to the door, but I don’t have enough mental energy to dwell on it anymore, so I just sigh and clean it up. That takes about ten minutes and when it’s done, I head to the shower.

The warm water cascades over me and for the first time today, I feel something that resembles relaxation. With the relaxation comes the return of the dream man.

The dream man is a fantasy I created a little over a year ago. The dream man is strong and kind and patient and miraculously talented with kids. In my fantasy, he shows up and like clockwork, all of the children immediately fall into line and become perfectly behaved kids with angelic attitudes who do all of their chores and never fight. He is an excellent cook and of course, he is sexy as hell.

I close my eyes and allow my hand to travel in between my legs. I imagine my dream man with his perfect body, chiseled features, and dark, brooding eyes standing over me with his hand in between my legs, telling me how he’s going to make me feel good and all I have to do is leave everything to him.

God, that sounds so wonderful. With my sister died and the rest of my family a thousand miles away, I’ve done everything myself for the past two-and-a-half years and the thought of a big, strong man here to help me with all of these responsibilities is—

“Oh, God,” I cry softly as I shudder with the force of my climax. I take a few minutes to recover and then finish washing up.

So that’s what my life has become. Endless, exhausting work to take care of five kids where the only time I have to myself is my shower at night and the sexiest thing I can imagine is someone helping me take care of them.

I dress in pajamas and fall heavily onto the bed. I’ll get maybe five or six hours of sleep before Kaitlyn wakes up and insists on sitting with me awake and restless for another two hours before I finally give up and roll out of bed to start breakfast.

I am nearly asleep when I remember that tomorrow is Kaitlyn’s birthday party and I have to wake up an hour early to have time to set everything up.

“Fuck,” I whisper.

So much for sleeping tonight.

CHAPTER TWO

Valentine

I finish the snifter of scotch and close my eyes, allowing the warm liquor to soak through me and lend some warmth to combat the cold. It doesn’t work, and I debate another shot but instead, decide to turn the heater on and return to the couch. A movie is playing, one of the old war movie standards where the main characters are an older, stodgy senior officer, a cynical, insubordinate junior officer, and a wide-eyed rookie who spends most of the film causing trouble for the other two. It's a good movie, despite the terrible description I just gave and if I were in a better mood, I would really be enjoying it but today is not a good day for me.

I haven’t had a good day in a while if I’m being honest. The last good day I can remember was over seven years ago when my wife bought me a brand-new German wristwatch for our twenty-fifth anniversary. I remember thinking at the time that things might work out after all, and Gwen and I might actually be able to save our marriage.

That ship has sailed.

Earlier today, I thought I would surprise Gwen at work with flowers and an expensive steak dinner. I ended up being the one surprised when I saw her boss sitting in her office chair instead of her. Of course, I found her a moment later, moaning over his cock while he came inside her mouth.

They didn’t see me, and I didn’t interrupt them. The truth is I’m more relieved than I am upset. I suppose numb is a better word than relieved. The only thing that really concerns me is the kids. Vince and Kiara are heading to college this fall and Gwen and I have managed to maintain the illusion of a happy marriage for them long after the passion faded between us. I really don’t want to send them to college on the heels of a divorce.

Speaking of the kids, I get a text from Vince. He and Kiara are staying over at their friend’s house tonight. They’re really sorry but they hope Mom and I enjoy the night to ourselves.

I chuckle and recall Gwen’s earlier text.Working late tonight,she says.Sorry. We can do something tomorrow.

I nearly text her back to give her boss my love but I don’t. What’s the point anymore? What’s the point of anything? Honestly, if it weren’t for my kids, I’d just let myself descend all the way into alcoholism. As it is, I have no idea if they’ll want anything to do with me when this all shakes out. Gwen might be a shitty wife but she’s an amazing mother and if she decided to tell the kids that the end of our marriage is my fault, they’ll probably believe her.

I wish I could put it past her to do that, but I can’t. The woman I thought I loved is dead if she ever existed in the first place.

I decide in favor of the second shot after all and make it a double. I sip from it and sigh as the cynical junior officer and the wise senior officer argue the merits of a plan to destroy a bridge that the enemy plans to use to shuttle supplies to the front lines.

“Happy birthday to me,” I say morosely.

Not the way I planned to turn fifty.

I finish my drink and shut the movie off. I’m not paying attention to it and anyway I know how it ends. They all die. I’m not kidding. The senior officer goes insane and betrays his country. The rookie is ordered to kill him but falters and the junior officer has to kill him, then kill the senior officer. In the process, he is mortally wounded but manages to blow up the bridge just in time.