Page 53 of Around the Bend
“Your dad is in some pretty serious trouble,” she’d said matter of factly.
“What kind of trouble?” Jonathan asked immediately.
“Well, let’s just say that he stole from people and is being accused of some very bad things—but the truth is that we don’t have all of the facts. And even more so, he is still your father and I know that no matter what happens, he loves you both very much.”
“Is he going to jail?” Catherine quizzed.
Jess braced herself. “He is in jail, sweetheart.”
Jonathan stood and walked out of the room without another word.
“When is he coming home?” Cat cried.
Jess took her daughter in her arms. “I don’t know, sweetie.”
She always questioned herself about whether or not she told them too soon. Maybe she should have pretended he was still in Africa, at least for the summer, she considered. She’d handled so many things wrong over the past year, but this one, she was determined to be honest about. And to the extent that she could—given the circumstances, this was one she hoped to get right.
Jess knocked quietly and entered her son’s room. He was sitting on the floor, his back against his bed tossing a rubber ball at the wall.
“How’s Cat?” he asked without looking up.
“She’s okay, I think. M
yles took her into town for ice cream…” Jess folded her arms and leaned into the door jam. She nodded toward the bed. “Can I sit?”
Jonathan shrugged nonchalantly.
Jess made her way over to the bed and sat on the end of it. “I know this is a lot to take in. And I know you’re too old to be distracted by ice cream… but is there anything I can do? Do you have any questions?”
“This is so embarrassing. I’m pretty sure that Sophie will never talk to me again. Now that my dad’s a criminal...”
Jess inhaled and let it out slowly. “I don’t know so much about that. If this girl is anything like you wrote, she seems pretty understanding… Just don’t call her crazy,” she said, trying to make light of the situation.
“I hate him.”
Jess lightly placed her hand on her son’s shoulder. “You don’t hate him, son. You’re just angry, which is understandable.”
“I do hate him. He has ruined our whole lives.”
“Not our whole lives, Jonathan. There’s still so much more than this. You know… I understand you’re hurt, and you should be… but all the best people have lived through some pretty horrible experiences in their lives and come out on the other side, better for it. And the thing is, Jonathan, what your dad did doesn’t say anything about who you are.”
“Try telling the kids at school that.” He huffed.
“Fuck the kids at school.”
She’d gotten his attention then. He looked up at her. “Seriously, fuck them. If you live your life according to how everyone else measures you up, then you’re set for a lifetime of disappointment. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know I’ve done a terrible job of demonstrating this for you… but I promise to do better from now on. I promise.”
“You’ve done okay. You’re not like the other moms…”
She snorted. “That’s for sure. But I tried to be for so long. Too long. But the thing is... half of them don’t even know who they are. We were just the blind leading the blind. It takes guts to step out of line and be who you really are. Flaws and all.”
“Why would he steal money, Mom? It’s like he didn’t even care about us.”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. I wish I had all the answers for you, but the truth is I don’t have any of them. And to be really honest, we may never know. Maybe you should write to him. He probably can’t give you the answers either… but I do know that he does care about you. I was there the day you were born, and I saw the way his face lit up when he saw you for the first time. And no matter what he did, or what anybody says about him, for the rest of my life—that’s the man I’ll remember.”
“So what you’re saying is to pretend like he didn’t screw us over?”
“No. What I’m saying is that ultimately he screwed himself over. And for our own sake, it might be a good idea to try to remember all of the good things about him. I’m not saying not to be angry, or sad, or hurt… but it won’t change what he’s done.”