Page 24 of Heads or Tails

“You don’t have to be polite,” Dylan said, stroking her hands with his thumb. “You’re right. I can’t keep what has been bothering me to myself anymore. Not when there is this incredibly smart, brave, sexy woman sitting in front of me.”

Rose pursed her lips, smirked, then looked away briefly. The bashfulness was the effect he was looking for, the flushed shade of her skin making him soar.

But it was time to let go of the agony inside him, share it with her without anything unfiltered to sugarcoat what happened. Dylan closed his eyes again, summoning the courage and dragging the past up like a metal chain moving through his throat.

“As you know, I work as a record producer, owner, etc.,” Dylan began, his voice trembling slightly. “And there was a young woman who I discovered a few years back, named Jazzy Phenix.”

Rose had moved in closer as he spoke, rubbing his hands and nodding as he spoke. The words fell out like sandpaper, scraping across his heart, but her hands on his stroked his pain like the petals of her namesake.

“She was a pop singer. Very talented, wonderful person. But sensitive and vulnerable.”

Dylan was getting to the part in the fairy tale where the protagonist met the villain ... one she would never be able to escape from.

He knew he just had to blurt it out. Rose was rubbing his hand still. Her other hand had moved to his bicep. Her look of compassion was beautiful.

“I introduced her to a man named Dick Sputnik,” Dylan continued. “Slick, as he was known. They hit it off initially and started dating, but Slick was and probably still is into some bad shit. Cocaine, mostly.”

Rose nodded, bringing her hand to his neck and rubbing softly. Dylan’s eyes had diverted to the floor, seeing her lovely form in his peripheral vision listening intently.

“He got her hooked on it, and from then on, it was a spiral,” Dylan said his voice breaking. “Eventually she … she got depressed, and she …”

Dylan could barely get the words out. Until that point, he hadn’t realized that he had never said the words aloud. Trying to get there was like pushing a huge boulder up a hill.

He felt tears swelling in his eyes. Rose lifted a hand to his cheek, and when he made eye contact, he felt his heart burst open like a seashell.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, her own green flares dancing.

“… she took her own life,” Dylan finally said. “I have felt terribly responsible for it ever since. It haunts me, Rose. It haunts me.”

He had split himself apart, showing her the ugly secrets that had been hidden and rotting for over a year. Tears spilled down his face slowly, and despite the catharsis, he was still afraid to look at her directly.

She touched his chin and tilted it at her.

“Dylan,” she whispered. “Look at me, baby.”

He glided his eyes back to hers to find tears streaming down her face as well. Her wonderful, stunning face was distorted into an empathic agony, feeling his pain, and not with an ounce of judgment.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she said, rubbing his cheeks and smiling. “You have been holding that in for so long, haven’t you?”

Dylan nodded, no longer holding back his tears. It was like a dam had burst open, and there was no way to stop the flow.

“Honey,” she said, moving in closer, leaning against his chest and caressing it in comforting circles. “It's clear that you feel so guilty about this, and whether or not it is true that you had a part in it, I think you have to forgive yourself.”

Dylan tilted his head against hers, feeling her softness, inhaling her magical fragrance. Forgiving himself hadn’t crossed his mind. He didn’t think he was deserving of it, ever.

Rose pulled his head in close with two hands. He stared into her eyes, and there, he saw hope. He saw a future of frolicking joy and splendor. She stroked his cheeks, forcing him to look at her, unwavering and still.

“It’s only been a year, too,” Rose continued. “Grief lasts a lifetime. I think the first step you need to take is to realize that what happened wasn’t your fault and to let go of the guilt.”

Dylan gazed at her, feeling a smile curl on his lips. She frowned briefly, then smiled back.

“What?” she said, chuckling slightly.

He adjusted his body on the couch so he could pull her in close by her waist. She moved with him, biting her lip as he rubbed her thighs.

“You are so gorgeous,” he said, sniffing. “And you somehow became even more gorgeous listening to me just now. I don’t know how I can ever thank you.”

Rose looked away, bashful again, then met his eyes. She wiped his tears away with her thumb, then kissed his cheeks softly. Her lips felt like velvet.