Page 105 of The Shifting Sands Beneath Us

“You shouldn’t have to handle anything,” he said angrily. “You should have told me.”

“What good would it do? We’re required to show up at these things.”

He clenched his jaw harder, cursing as he stepped back from me. “What good would it do? Rose, you’re my wife. If I had known, I could have tried to help in some way.”

I blinked away the tears and turned to the mirror, checking out the damage. My mascara was running down my face. I looked like something out of a horror movie. With jerky hands, I grabbed some paper towels and tried to clean up my face, but it was no use. The mascara kept smudging, making everything worse.

“Rose,” James said softly.

I wet the towel and started scrubbing at my face, determined to save this night. I could do this. I signed that contract, and no matter how much I didn’t want to be here, I would fulfill my duties.

“Rose,” he said more forcefully, but I kept scrubbing. He grasped my arm and spun me to face him. His face was pained as he stared at me. Gently, he took the towel from me and tossed it on the counter. “We’re going home.”

“I can do this,” I said, my voice wobbling. I wasn’t sure why I was fighting for this so hard. I didn’t want to be here anyway, but it was like admitting I was a failure if I left. And what would I do the next time we had to attend one of these? If I couldn’t fulfill the contract, this was all for nothing.

“You don’t have to do this,” he said gently, pulling me into him again. “Christ, Rose. If you had just told me, I would have understood.”

But would he have? Or would he have thought I was just trying to get out of being here? I hated that my thoughts turned that way. I wrapped my arms around him, holding on tight as I sank into his warmth. His hot breath fanned over the side of my face, reminding me of better times.

I heard him faintly talking on the phone with his driver, telling him to come around to the side of the building. I focused on the sound of his heartbeat as the last of the panic slowly receded.

“Better?” he asked.

I nodded against his chest, thoroughly embarrassed for my behavior. I stepped back and took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry.”

“Forget it. I’ll grab your coat. Wait here for me.”

I nodded as he walked out the door. I turned back to the sink and cleaned myself up as much as I could. The last thing I wanted was a picture of me looking like a horror show. I looked slightly less horrifying when he returned, slipping my coat around my shoulders. Guiding me out of the bedroom, we went to the side exit of the building where the car was waiting. I slid inside and the tension building around me dissipated.

James grasped me around the waist and hauled me over to sit beside him. For the rest of the ride home, I was snuggled in his arms protectively. And when we got back to the apartment, he took me to bed and slowly undressed me, laying down beside me as he held me tight the rest of the night.

* * *

“Where were you last night?”Clarissa asked as she stormed into my apartment.

I rolled my eyes at her. “It’s good to see you too. Please, come in,” I said as she stalked right past me.

She spun around, crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s going on with you? I thought you were going to be there last night. Had I known you weren’t going to show, I wouldn’t have gone.”

“I was there,” I sighed, leading her into my bedroom. The living room was torn apart right now, but it was Saturday and no one was working. Still, there wasn’t really anywhere to sit. We went over to the window where I had two oversized chairs and a table between. I already had coffee made and sitting in a carafe between us.

“If you were there, then why didn’t I see you?”

“Because James brought me home early.” I told her about my panic attack in the bathroom and how attentive he was afterward. I still wasn’t sure how he knew I needed him, and I hadn’t asked.

“So, things are getting better between the two of you?”

I shook my head slowly. “I don’t think so.”

“But…last night…”

“He was there for me, and he was really great. But there’s this divide between us. Things are only good between us when we have a huge argument about how bad things are going.”

She winced, pouring herself a cup of coffee. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not sure I have any choices. I signed that contract.”

“Yes, but there was a stipulation for divorce, right?”