Page 116 of Hold On to Me

“That’s good to hear. When do you start?”

“Next week.”

“You know,” he began, “I could always watch her if you ever needed.”

Alyssa tensed in his arms. That was not the response he was hoping for.

“Hey! What’s your surprise?” she asked, changing the subject.

; “Oh! I forgot all about it after seeing Brooke crawl. Can we put her down and sit on the couch?”

After all the preparing he had done, John didn’t know where to start. What he was about to show her could easily backfire on him, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, just a little nervous. Just know that I did it with you and Brooke in mind.” Slipping the papers from the folder, John handed them to Alyssa.

“What are they?” she questioned, flipping through the stapled papers.

“They’re custody papers. Ben signed over Brooke to you, relinquishing his rights.”

Alyssa froze and her mouth parted. What … How …? Chills broke out over her arms.

“I don’t understand … How did you do this? And without me there?”

“You actually didn’t have to be there for him to sign. I knew you had the papers since I was there the day the attorney gave them to you, so I took them when you weren’t looking. And before you get mad and blow up, just know I did it for you and Brooke and no other reason. I didn’t think you were comfortable going to see him ever again, so I went to where he’s incarcerated and made him a deal. He did it with no problem.” John paused, swallowing. “She’s all yours now, Alyssa.” He said quietly, pushing back a strand of hair.

Alyssa was rendered speechless. Too many thoughts were running through her head to form a single sentence. All she could do was stare at Johnny in amazement over his selfless deed.

“I … I don’t …” she stammered. Tears welled in her eyes and her shoulders sagged. Alyssa’s jaw quivered as she said, “Thank you, Johnny. I don’t know what else to say other than thank you.” Overcome with emotion, Alyssa flung herself at John. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, hugging him as tight as she could. Tears spilled down her cheeks, and she pressed her chest to his desperately needing to feel his warmth and goodness.

John pulled her onto his lap. Nothing felt as good as having Alyssa in his arms. He savored the feel of her, inhaling a citrus scent that he found stimulating. He held her tight, running his hands up and down her sides. He loved having her in his arms, but he wasn’t going to push it just yet.

“And that’s all you have to say. I was worried you’d be mad that I kind of went behind your back,” he shrunk back. “I just figured you were holding back because of having to see him.”

“I was. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I mean, I would have in time—”

His eyes softened. “And now you don’t.”

“I could never repay you,” she whispered against his neck. Alyssa held still for a few moments, savoring the feel of his hold before she pulled back and looked into John’s green eyes and saw everything she needed to know. Sincerity and love, devotion and heart. It moved her deeply that he would take such large steps for her.

“Thank you,” she said.

John pushed back her silky hair and smiled, thanking heaven she wasn’t upset with him. That was the last thing he wanted. “I’d do anything for you, Alyssa. I hope you know that.”

“But why? You don’t owe me anything.”

He shrugged. “I don’t have a specific answer for you … I guess because I want to. I like seeing you smile. Because it just feels right. Why do I need an answer? One thing I do know is that I want us.” He looked her deep in the eyes and repeated it. “I want us, Alyssa, and I’m going to do anything I can to show you how much. When it comes to you and Brooke, it’s a feeling inside my chest that I can’t explain.”

Brooke was his everything, but so was her mother. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing them if he couldn’t find ways to prove what she meant to him. It would be like losing Jace all over again and he couldn’t go through that.

Alyssa nodded, damn tears forming in her eyes again. “Hey,” he gripped her chin. “Don’t cry.”

Looking up, trying to stop the tears, she said, “I’m trying not to, trust me. I feel like it’s all I do.” Breathing in a deep breath, Alyssa released it. “It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I have you to thank for that.” She gripped his shirt in her hands. “How could I ever repay you?”

John smirked. “Kiss me.” She looked at him with wide eyes. “If you want to repay me, then kiss me. That’s all.”