Page 77 of Only After We Met
“I guess. Different from Dean. I mean, James is more…intense.”
“Intense…” I squeezed the phone.
“I guess he has more experience. But…” She lowered her voice. “Taking off my clothes in front of another person was weird. You know what it’s like when you’ve gone out with a person so long that you don’t look at them or touch them the way you did in the beginning when everything was new? I mean, probably you don’t, because you’ve never been in a serious relationship, but it’s a bit like that. Routine. Doing something from inertia.”
“What do you mean?”
“Just that everything was different. The way his skin felt. How we kissed. How he touched me. Is that what it always feels like for you, Rhys? Meeting one person and then another…”
“I never stopped to think about it.”
“Well, try and imagine it. You’ve been going out with someone for years, and you’ve memorized every detail of them, every freckle, every mark. I don’t know. It’s weird to touch a body you know nothing about and still enjoy it. Like you’re flying blind. Whatever, forget it.”
“I think I understand. Pretty much.”
We said nothing else until I heard her get up.
“There’s my taxi. I’m hanging up. Thanks, Rhys.”
“No worries. Good night, Ginger.”
A car door closed, and she hung up. I sighed, lying on the sand, thinking of everything…of the night Ginger had had, the night I’d had, as if it was a parallel reality… The times I’d imagined what fucking her would be like, making her laugh, making her be a different person. One who understood herself and let others understand her. Someone different. Better.
I sat up slightly and watched a couple surfing in the distance, as though welcoming the new day. Then I got up. I turned my back to the dawn and returned home without looking up. Thinking of her the whole time. At least until I got to the room and saw Tracy sleeping in the sheets. I put my phone on the nightstand and lay down beside her. I closed my eyes. I felt her arm wrap around my waist, and I squeezed into her, seeking the warmth of a body I barely knew but made me feel less alone, gave me the fleeting sensation that I was close to someone, that I had an anchor, if only for the moment.
39
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: Hey!
I got up in a good mood today, don’t ask me why; there’s no reason. And since I know what you’re going to say, no, it’s not because I’m sleeping with James sometimes. I can’t stand the way guys say that:What you need is a good fucking. Honestly, I think what most guys need is a chastity belt. Anyway, where was I going with this…? Right, happiness. I woke up, I grabbed my project (I had already printed everything I did the other day), and since Kate was still asleep, I went to a café for breakfast. I hadn’t done that in ages. Sometimes something as simple as getting up on a Saturday, taking a walk, and sitting alone at a table is enough. I ordered toast and coffee. It’s still a little chilly here, but I sat outside. I’ve been looking over the interview I did with Lilian Everden a few weeks ago. The waitress probably thought I was insane when she saw me there smiling by myself, but it was so inspiring…
I’m really happy with the outcome.
I realize I have everything I need. I don’t know why we sometimes get lost in complications instead of just looking around and seeing how fortunate we are. Think about it. I’ve made new friends. I have a good relationship with my ex (whenever we see each other in class, he always saysHow are you, Ginger?, and we’ve sat together once or twice, though I can’t say we talk much). Then there’s my family: they’ve got their good and bad points, but they’re there and I love them. I have a friend with benefits. In a wink, I’ll be done with school, and I’m lucky enough to be able to jump right into a job. That’s huge, right? Did you ever look at things that way?
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: Save some for me
The one thing I’m asking myself is where you bought those magic mushrooms that are making you feel so good. If you want to send me some, I won’t say no. BTW, my birthday present still hasn’t gotten here. What did arrive was a package my mom sent me a million years ago. Inside was a bunch of canned food (she must think I live in the middle of the jungle) and new socks (why do mothers always think, wherever you are, you can buy anything you need except socks?). I also asked her to send a picture from when I was in high school to show you. You’re going to laugh. It’s me with the football team after winning the championship that year.
Ready…it’s attached. Don’t be mean.
I do think you owe me something in return.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: [No subject]
Can you hear me laughing from here? Because I am. I can’t believe THAT BOY is you. Your hair is layered, Rhys. LAYERED. Like in an eighties movie. You look so preppy in that uniform and that pose… Who’s the cheerleader leaning on your shoulder? Your ex-girlfriend? The prom queen?