Page 169 of Only After We Met
When I saw him, I forgot all the bad things.
Weird, right?
Nourishing myself on that anger for so long, and then just letting it go from one second to the next… I wonder if I’ll ever understand myself. What’s happening with me? Like with Leon. There’s no logical way to understand it.
When you stopped talking to me, there were times when I couldn’t sleep, and I’d reread our emails. I remember now something you said a long time ago: “I think you’re the most contradictory, unpredictable person I know. I wonder if that should scare me.” All I could ask you then is why you should be scared. What didn’t occur to me was that I was the one who should be scared. Because if I can’t predict how I feel, if I contradict myself so much that I can’t even trust my own beliefs and values, how could anyone else trust me? How did you do it?
I think you’re the most contradictory, unpredictable person I know. I wonder if that should scare me.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: Trust
Because trust is like that sometimes. It’s blind, instinctual. Sometimes I don’t even know how the other person is going to act, but I just believe whatever they do will be right, even if they make mistakes, even if they stumble. I would do anything for you. I hope you feel the same way about me.
You don’t know how happy I am that you could forget the bad and make room for the good. Your father must be happy to have you there with him. And your mother. Something else, Rhys, since I know you…don’t feel guilty or worry about how you should have done this sooner. In a perfect world, maybe it’s true. Not in our world. And it’s nice no matter what. Like the moon, remember? Even with all its craters.
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: RE: Trust
Remind me what my life would be without your words giving it a whole new meaning. You’re right, Ginger. I’m learning to walk on the moon without stumbling. It would be way easier if it were a perfectly smooth surface, but… I think it’s just a matter of practicing. And it’s not so bad. Not so bad at all.
It’s a little like being a teenager again.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: RE: Trust
Did you ever stop being a teenager though? I’m laughing at you right now, Rhys. And I should stop, because I’m in the middle of a publishing meeting pretending to type something important into my computer while Kate takes care of everything. By the way, she and my sister are getting married next summer. You’re invited to the wedding of the year (and I hope you’ll accept, because I feel a terrible need to see you in a suit and have you as my plus-one).
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Trust
Very funny, Ginger. You got me.
Congratulate them for me. Of course I’ll be there. I would never miss out on watching you drool all over yourself when you see me walk in.
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Trust
You’re pathetic, Rhys.
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies