Page 139 of Only After We Met
“Yeah. So another thing: you know the bride.”
“For real? Is it someone from Tennessee?”
“No. You remember Sarah?” Logan sighed, uncomfortable, took a sip of beer, and drew a breath. “You used to have a thing with her on and off. Y’all shared an apartment in LA for a while. Years back. One day she got mad when she saw some emails from another chick and asked me if she could stay at my place. We saw more and more of each other, especially once I moved to New York…”
“I remember,” I cut him off. “Sarah. Yeah.”
“I don’t want this to be weird.”
“Why would it be?”
“You know. She was in love with you.”
“Yeah, but shit, that was years ago.”
“I know. But…” He gave me an uncertain look, then glanced away. “I wanted to tell you in person, because we decided not to invite you to the wedding. I’m sorry. I just think it would be uncomfortable. For me, especially. I can’t help it…”
It took me a few seconds to manage a response. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“Sure. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”
“I wouldn’t have gone anyway.”
“Are you serious?” He laughed.
“You know I hate weddings.”
Logan nodded and ordered another round of beers. I tried to stay in the moment the rest of the evening, but I didn’t do well at it. He talked about his firm, his life, the wedding, which would be at the end of summer, how he had immediately connected with Sarah, and I… I tried not to think of how I’d just lied to him, because Iwouldhave made an effort to go to the wedding of one of the fewfriends I’d ever really had, even if I wasn’t tempted by the song and dance, especially since the ceremony was going to take place in some pompous, stuffy place in New York.
I tried not to think of other things too.
Like that feeling that I was getting left behind. Getting lost in shadows while everyone else had managed to finally see the light. I thought about roots that didn’t exist. Anchors I couldn’t find. About how I had more and more contacts in my phone, but with every new one, my solitude grew. I thought about Ginger, about how she was climbing like a vine that wouldn’t stop growing, about how proud I felt of her and how disappointed she was in me. I could sense it. I could feel it. And I could tell I was also starting to rethink some of those paths I’d abandoned.
Like Sarah. What would my life have been like if we’d gone further and I hadn’t pushed her away? I imagined us married by now, living in the big city with a kid, maybe with a second one on the way. Who knew? My entire existence was loose threads, possibilities I’d never let turn into something more.
Except for Ginger. That was one thread that was still there, still growing. And I knew I’d never be able to let it go. The same went for my mother. That was a thin connection, but a stable one.
And that was about it. And yet, funny enough, I was the one who’d cut people off, as though a part of myself had been fleeing company, friendship, love, everything good about existence. Maybe I had been looking for sorrow, solitude, unhappiness. Maybe I was even chasing them.
82
From: Ginger Davies
To: Rhys Baker
Subject: Drama
You won’t believe what’s happening! We got a letter from a big law office, and guess what, there’s a “friendly warning” that we shouldn’t publish Anne Cabot’s book. Obviously, we knew her ex-husband would do whatever he could to sink the project, but I assumed he would just preempt us by giving interviews saying it was all lies and slander. I had no idea he’d actually try to keep the book off the market.
Worst of all, I have no idea how to proceed. So I got in touch with James. Remember him? The guy I had a beer with at the party and hung out with later. I called you that night because I was freaking out and I wanted to leave. (I’m so embarrassed when I think of it now.) Anyway, I remembered he was a lawyer, and I didn’t want to ask my father for his lawyer’s number because I knew he’d worry, so I have an appointment at the end of this week.
I’m a little worried, Rhys.
Hopefully it’s not a big deal…
From: Rhys Baker
To: Ginger Davies